I am 27, and I have no real life friends, I have a job but I work alone all day so it's not like that helps.
Some background: during my school years I not only avoided getting too close to my school/college friends but I actively sabotaged social situations by declining invitations to parties and stuff from people who still tried. To this day I do not know why I did that, I was just very antisocial for no real reason. I was fine with being alone for years but I'm starting to feel like I can't do it anymore, I have a few good internet friends but they are in different countries and I don't even talk to most every day.
I don't think I'm suicidal but I sometimes think it would have been better if I actually died in life-threatening that happened in my life.
I live in a very small town, there's not much to do here and I'm starting to think I have literally no way to even try making friends at this point in my life.