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  1. #1

    Feeling hopeless

    I am 27, and I have no real life friends, I have a job but I work alone all day so it's not like that helps.
    Some background: during my school years I not only avoided getting too close to my school/college friends but I actively sabotaged social situations by declining invitations to parties and stuff from people who still tried. To this day I do not know why I did that, I was just very antisocial for no real reason. I was fine with being alone for years but I'm starting to feel like I can't do it anymore, I have a few good internet friends but they are in different countries and I don't even talk to most every day.
    I don't think I'm suicidal but I sometimes think it would have been better if I actually died in life-threatening that happened in my life.
    I live in a very small town, there's not much to do here and I'm starting to think I have literally no way to even try making friends at this point in my life.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    Oct 2013
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    Australia
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    Welcome to the forum.

    Here is where I used to hold up in my younger years:

    Small Town - a spot where and when life was much simpler. Seven streets, a couple of roads, one mountain and a creek:



    I share it from a perspective none other than to say 'I think I know what you mean!' We all have our stories but there is really not enough space in today's cramped up world in which to sum up or make sense of what and who we really be. None the less joining a space like in here and reaching out is a good place in which to start.

    Yea ... I hear what your saying about online friends. That said I am thankful I have a couple. (I really don't feel we need any more than just a few - acquaintances and being civil is of course a beneficial skill) I've met a couple and currently only have one or two online friends that means a lot to me. Hi D! His Sal --- Barong as well. (I am open to make more) None the less there can still be an empty void in our offline world. It's kind of scary hey? Double edge sword of technology I guess. But let's not focus on that cons ... not when feeling so low. I'm glad for my online friends ... even when it's not everyday we are able to catch up.

    I am pleased to here your not so low as to be a danger to yourself - At least not in the immediate sense. Self sabotage on the other hand can lead to passive attempts. Indeed a very debilitating way to live with no end in sight. How can we turn this around?

    No easy answer I'm afraid ... so srry I can't be much help with instant fixes. I can share what stems the tide for me though. Whilst I know being popular is BS, like having 100 fake friends on my friends list, and I have come to learn being with myself is not the end of the world, I must admit there is what seems like an instinctual desire to want to have relationships with other human beings regardless of my dislike for people in general.

    When you say small town how small is it? 5000? 10000? The one pictured above is a whopping 300. lol No kidding. Of course life was different back then. I used to climb the mountain for breakfast and comb the creek for afternoon tea. 300 was not so bad when the few that were about were not stuck on their phones. No such things as mobile devices back then let alone online communications. In that sense it makes no difference if your living in a city of millions as isolation today is rampant in the busiest of places.

    In a nut shell, learning to live with myself has been the best way to make friends with others - despite my self destructive nature and despise for people in general. The more I have come to accept myself, the more I am OK with how the world is. (Although I still talk about it - I just do it less loudly than I once did - I only need go back a few thousand posts to see the difference. It's been a work in progress) Depression is a major symptom of anxiety with isolation playing a large roll in that. The solution to isolation is not as easy as making friends, although that can for sure help. It's more about working on ourselves in as far as coming to understand the importance of acceptance. Acceptance of both self and our situation. It's often said there is much to be gained through changing what we can and accepting what we can't. AKA - Working Towards rather than focusing on what does not.
    ________________________________________

    Regardless of no friend at this point and time ... What do you like doing yourself? We can do things for ourselves that can help us change our view of the world. By doing things we like without the need of others is one way can befriend ourselves. If we can't make friends with our self, then there is not much chance we're going to make friends with others. We may attract negative situations and people when we are in a negative state ourselves, however the opposite is also true ... when we work on supporting ourselves, we tend to attract others that will also support us too. This brings me to us supporting others ... do not underestimate the power of helping others when we are ourselves down. Volunteering is great for this kind of thing. Volunteering you don't really need the pHD or BS certifications. Most places understand the need for others to volunteer and in most cases are quite patient with those of us in despair looking to make connections.

    Whatever way one wants to go ... it's a challenge. I hope your able to keep reaching out. I for one am also hoping you can make it!!!

    Don't hold back in here as your with like minded peers. This here is a home for people doing it tough. You'll also find many of us are also here to help despite feeling down ourselves.

    Open up some more if you find it helps. Online can be as real as we wish to make it. It need not be as pretentious as the multitude of advertisements we are bombarded with or the frivolous desire to want more subs and hits.

    Hobbies?

    Maybe rediscover an old interest that you could make a hobby or take an old one up that you did when just a we kid. I was only looking at ant farms myself last night. Perhaps Chess, music, stargazing, photography, gaming, hiking, camping, walking, exercising, biking, cycling ... or whatever. This would be part of that accepting yourself through working towards.

    Have you tried reading up on any kind of self help books? If your interested ... just say so. I can recommend a few easy reads into the subject of learning to live with. I'm not big on the whole conquering or curing sales pitches. But hey ... whatever works.

    Srry for the ramble. My heart goes out to you. This world can surely suck. Yet there are things we can still do and if by coming here your looking for support. Then you will get it. Just be sure to foster the connection by continuing to reach out. At last group I attended, we talked about the issues of others struggling to make friends. My final thoughts on that ... it takes effort to create and sustain relationships. But that does not mean those of us feeling well should not do more to help.

    I'm glad you found this place.

    Feed back as you wish.
    Last edited by Ponder; 06-30-2018 at 07:53 PM.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Location
    Ohio
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    Howdy P and D I must say i am disappointed that i was not mentioned in the online acquaintances but i guess i have been absent for awhile. Back on topic. I love the small town i live in but i understand where you are coming from. I too am very anti social but i think we all still need a friend or two so here i am
    Peace everybody
    P.S. i can not think of a better place to raise kids than in a small town atmosphere.
    " it is better to keep ones mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt ", Mark Twain.

  4. #4
    Senior Member
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    Australia
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    John!!! it has been a very long time. You may be pleased to know that when I thought about my recurve bow → this day in fact! - I did think of your name. Just after the fact. PM replied to. What a nice surprise

  5. #5
    Senior Member
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    Jun 2013
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    For me as well, You are not here John but not forgotten, never my friend, We went through hell together
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  6. #6
    Senior Member
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    Apr 2014
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    Ohio
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    I miss you guy's as well and all my friends on AF. I'll pop in from time to time, peace to all of you and your families for now.... off to work
    " it is better to keep ones mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt ", Mark Twain.

  7. #7
    Senior Member
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    Jun 2013
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    Not many left, I lost in touch with Jesse, he probably deactivated his fb account the ............man do not remember his nick he was bodybuilder, he defriended us all cause we were laughing, he was catfished on FB so many times it became and ongoing joke
    Gypsy Lee dissapeared but she will be back I hope.
    ''“If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.”
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  8. #8
    Senior Member
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    Australia
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    As long as we are here, we have the opportunity to see others join / come and go. I'm always open to making new friends. But yea ... due to it being such a complicated affair - making friends this day and age ... it does leave a hole when those we connected with are gone for long periods and or just no longer here. This is why it is vitally important that I learn to live with what's within as that shit will always be with me until my end. In that I reach out like I do as I see anyone that understands as my friend. Thankfully I only require a few, and the scope for misunderstood people like myself is huge. Now I smile to think of the opportunities ... having friends today does not require large amounts of money or even materials. In that I think there is hope.

    Reaching out has never been easier. Guess it depends on how we choose to look at it. That actually makes me feel better when I think of it like that.

  9. #9
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2016
    Posts
    697
    Welcome back, JohnC.

    Hope those other members come back here if they do wish to. I think this is a valuable place (forum) to be ourselves, soo very needed.

    Take care
    Last edited by salvator here; 07-03-2018 at 01:48 PM.

  10. #10
    Senior Member
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    Apr 2016
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    Maryland (MD)
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    Welcome to the forum. Never feel hopeless. I would try to join a social group, maybe get involved with volunteering, take a class that you may be interested in, etc. Keep busy and keep your mind occupied.

 

 

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