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  1. #1
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    Jun 2018
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    really struggling

    hey I've been depressed for months and have been told its linkd to soal anxiety/shyness Im 34 years old and really struggle to tlk to people hence why im single i really struggle to talk to new people and think im to ugly to be attractive to anyone its really bringing me down

  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    Oct 2013
    Location
    Australia
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    5,693
    Welcome to the forum. The most important things we need concern ourselves with are those things we tell ourself. Learning to accept ourself is the first step to attracting positive attention from others.

    Self talk is a powerful thing that can either make or break us. Of course it can be hard to break old habits; or create new ones less destructive than what we are used to.

    Breaking isolation need not include having a personal friend to start with. Start small. Befriend yourself. I guess that's just another way of saying be kind to yourself.

    The required desire to suffer less is usually dictated by one's ability to acknowledge/know the source of one's suffering. Yet the way we come to such a knowing is less done from an anylictical perspective but more intuitvley.

    Would you be interested in reading a self help book that may be helpful?

    I'm still just waking up. I saw it in my Google Drive just the other day. I'll link it as soon as I've completed my morning ritual.

    Again ... WELCOME TO THE FORUM. It CAN get better. Hang in there ... we can help. We don't FIX people, but we assist those wishing to help themself.

  3. #3
    Junior Member
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    Jun 2018
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    yes plese i appreciate any help im trying to look for ways to help my self an thank you

  4. #4
    Senior Member
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    Oct 2013
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    Australia
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    5,693
    That's the spirit. Your most welcome. : )

    I just found an updated version of the book and downloaded it myself.

    Clicking on the below picture should open up the author's website where on the 3rd subtitle you can click 'Download free PDF eBook version' I'd link the hosting site but since the book has been updated several times now that won't work. I made that mistake with a previous post I dedicated toward this book.



    1st and foremost I am not trying to sell you anything. This is just one of a million books / sources I found to ring a bell with me. I normally don't always finish reading books but this one I did. It's those few books that I completely assimilate that I am often excited to share with others. I typically use a software program to change the text to audio and then go walking with said books. I did this a couple of times with the Power of Now, Wherever You Go, There You Are, Emotional Freedom: Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform and so on. This book is short and relatively easy to understand ... although I did have to go over it a few times like I do with most things.

    By the way - I do struggle to keep things short. I'll try. I'm right into 'Self Help!'

    Here's the deal with this book - or as it was and has been for me. On his introductory web page he will use the term 'Twelve Step Culture.' I not only grew up in that culture but found myself subject many times to the 'Teachings' of the Twelve Step Program as it was commonly known back then. I use commas on the latter because back then for me the religious connotation to said program was very much 'church controlled' in over half the drug and alcohol rehabilitation centres I was subject too. Two things worth noting that will either make or break this book for those reading:

    1. The religious connotation commonly known to the Twelve Step Culture. (The psychology is sound - it's the religious overtones during that culture/period that often undermined the programs potential - this book rectifies that.)
    2. The level of desire to want no longer suffer needlessly
    ____________

    My Story of the Twelve Step Culture: OR just read the author's take on → Alternative non-religious 12 Steps for humanists, agnostics & atheists
    Long story short - I can say as someone who's had MAJOR hang ups with religion and all it's associated forms, that the twelve steps actually work. Nothing is absolute (although those connotations would beg to differ - : ) -) but what the author has done here is taken out the religion that was really overly harped on by many establishments teaching back in the day. In hindsight I can now see how psychology was adopted into the religion when well meaning folk on both sides were just doing their best to come up with a means to help alcoholics as was how may of us first came to know the twelve stop program during it's infancy. Despite my own and perhaps many others having conflicts with the religious nature of proposed text there was no denying the effectiveness of the embedded psychology. So effective was The Twelve Steps programming, that it went on to treat addicts of all kinds - typically with the program name and addiction label followed with the term 'anonymous' eg - Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, Over-eaters anonymous and so on.

    Yes ... that was a long story short. Trust me. If anyone reading this has issues with relgion like I once did, don't let that put you off as this version of the twelve steps goes a long way to take out all the religion by only focusing on the psychology. The only one you need to kneel to in this book is yourself. : ) This book turns that higher power inside out as you learn to become your own power. Fathom that.
    ____

    WHAT I REALLY LIKED ABOUT THIS BOOK: 1st edition
    In a nut shell I like how this book helped me to get in touch with things I like doing and sparked my desire that now seeks to live. That really helped me to come out of my depression.


    I leave it at that - The Author has an in depth website on his book, a Facebook page and videos as well. It's not overly big compared to most other self help books.

    Hope this helps.
    ~Dave.
    Last edited by Ponder; 06-06-2018 at 04:46 PM.

  5. #5
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Location
    Solihull
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    25
    books are great.....a great way to get lost in a life...a life that isnt ours....i love a good story book..
    i recommend...John Grisham's "The Street Lawyer..." i know nothing about the law but i love how involved it makes you feel, and i think to some extent it makes me feel better about my own life..

    I tried reading "the purpose driven life" once hoping to find a meaning for my life....that didnt work very well...

    you need to find your own cheese (referring to the famous management book "who moved my cheese") go find something that gives you a good vibe/buzz...what do you enjoy the most in life? doesnt have to amazing or like mountain climbing...just something that makes you smile..

  6. #6
    Junior Member
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    Jun 2018
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    Went out on Saturday just froze up still couldn’t talk was really quiet thinking of taking up some hobbies considering photography any others people would suggest

  7. #7
    Senior Member
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    Jul 2018
    Location
    Australia
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    What do you enjoy doing?
    How much money can you afford?
    How much space do you have at home?
    Where do you live?
    Do you have your own transport?
    -----------------------------------

    If you have money. Stargazing with a telescope is very rewarding. If you live in town you can view the moon, planets and bright stars. When under dark skies, you can view 'thousands' of objects.

    If you answer the above questions, I can answer your query more effectively.
    Last edited by Imperfect; 08-14-2018 at 01:32 PM.

  8. #8
    Senior Member
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    Aug 2011
    Location
    Maine, United States
    Posts
    679
    Being afraid to socialize with others is hard.

    I used to fear talking to women who I thought were good looking.

  9. #9
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2018
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    4
    I'm the same exact way. I sleep from 2am to 8pm everyday I honestly don't know how to I do it but I do lol. I just do my best and meet people online then invite them over and watch a movie but the entire time I smoke and shake because my social anxiety is so bad but I force myself to do it anyway becuase I do need ppl in my life I'm an extrovert when I'm messed up but somehow I do it and I feel better after hanging out after a while. There's no elevator to being social bro I'm sorry you gotta try to be social youre 34 it's time to have friends and get a girl....

 

 

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