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  1. #171
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    Taking a break is awesome, Guys you areeeeeeeeeeee fantastic, It such a pleasure to read your posts. Everyone , thank you for being here , thank you
    ''If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars.
    ''
    ― Rabindranath Tagore

  2. #172
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    The Hierarchy of Suffering

    The Hierarchy of Suffering:

    OK ... that was a good break. I'll try to keep it light reading:

    Injustice is a huge trigger at the best of time for me. If I have to walk at the crossing yet see others that do not ... ZAP! ... Major conflict. Apparently that too is one of my retarded traits. Too literal. Rules are RulZe.

    Handing Out The $$$$ --------------- DON'T GET HUNG UP! -----------------------
    Given I am on the lower end of the scale due to not being penetrated - I accept that my concerns may be viewed as bias. Thus my points on the detrimental effects of having victims of sexual ← Strikeout! 'Abuse' , being weighed in terms of bodily contact Vs psychological impact - may also be obscured. The competitive nature of our society only makes this more obscure. It can feel as if we victims are being pitted against each other; even an little disconcerting for those receiving more than the other.

    All along I've been fearful of this process. Bodily Contact Vs Psychological Impact? The irony is that the former is physical yet physical is not something of an issue when it comes to abuse as regarded by investigating authorities, unless its sexual. Bashing kids is acceptable. Many affected peoples in the community are struggling with this one, but more so due to the 'separation' of these abuses. The boxing up of sexual abuse is also quite a mess. This abuse dissected as determined in the following ways. Penetrative abuse, Contact Abuse & Exposure Abuse each with their respective elements and of course ... associated value.
    _____________________


    It would seem there is a lot of incentive to embellish. A system that does more to tempt and encourage?

    Today's Value System. Will we ever get to a point where we will realise just how priceless human life is?


    Recognition? My personal experience is these abusers still have accolades, work in the justice dept and called upon to advise the system.


    Let's Weigh In:I could claim 'contact abuse' with an older boy; on the grounds of being fondled with. (speculative to legalities and definitions as defined by the system of course) The psychological impact within the scope of contact abuse → actually ties more into the reprimand that came 'later.' As a result of the reprimand which took place the night of the incident, I was severely marginalized from the others and later accused of molesting one of the younger 'more' vulnerable kids. Of course the details in the documentation we have been provided with are quite complex - which does not make my 'story' as straight forward as it ought to be.

    Sadly the complexity of the scaling will lead many to embellish which will effect the scope of true healing. In many cases this can inadvertently lead many victims to relive events that never actually happened. On the other hand my sister has recently informed me of vulnerable positions that both my brother and I were placed in - that I'm only just starting to recall. It matters little as my submission is already lodged regarding the NLC and adding to it just not seem right - the fact is was robbed of a life. According to the scale ... anything that follows ... goes unrecognized. NEWS FLASH for those reading affected by the NLC Quest Care ... The accountant Peter Lucs - informed me today that they are in fact scaling to the same process as above ... the Redress. I have also informed the Redress as to the current liquidation process with Lucas. Be sure to remain transparent as I am keeping the redress up to date with the Quest Care Liquidation.

    ImpACT Vs ACT? There's quite a lot in that thought.
    I'm going to assume that the length of time between act and impact plays a key point to the categorization of events and associated monetary value placed on each. That said, those that were penetrated once may receive the same of those penetrated several times.

    When Does the Real Impact of Sexual Abuse Take Place? The reactions, of authorities, caregivers OR those who adopt the ideals as defined by society - seem to me - to play as larger role into the impact as the act itself. The method of measuring as we see here can be counted as a reaction - dissecting and boxing.

    IN A NUT SHELL:
    I mean not to diminish one act over the other - however I feel I am very well positioned from my background to explain 'how the impact' derived from any of the above three categories; can in many cases be as detrimental as the other. In this light diminishing the impact by placing a higher price over the other can lead those deemed 'lesser' ... to unnecessary suffering than they may, might or be otherwise experience/ing. Don't let this happen to you!
    ___________________________________________

    WHEN LOOKING TO WRITE YOUR STORY - STAY TRUE TO SELF:
    You might be surprised to highlight more of an impact that helps your case, without the need to stretch the truth.

    I'm struggling to find a voice that actually allows us all, to find true healing. I'm getting there though. I think to answer the question in blue: When Does the Real Impact of Sexual Abuse Take Place? We might want to take a deeper look into WHAT the true impact is. That's going to be hard for those embellishing their stories. I've spoken a tiny bit about the feedback of others and how that impacts our point of view.


    The church is only one part of the mess - The Institution Is Society.
    I'll just finish by saying the above scaling it quite apt for administrating but does little for compensating. Whilst I can include several forms of sexual abuse minus the penetration within the scope of addressed institutions, the contact and exposure I did suffer early on within said institution, undoubtedly led me into the penetration arena of being raped more than once where I was left outdoors in the lowest of places ... our wonderful society's streets! Those stories have been buried deep and need no embellishing.

    The true impact of the abuse I suffered ... that reality I now focus to be my driving force to highlight not only the injustice of these proceeding but moreover to validate those of us who never made it (RIP) and all the others still living who have suffered just as much - from ALL FORMS OF ABUSE. (I just took out child from child abuse - as we as adults forget how important it is to remain child like - food for thought?)

    The hierarchy of suffering that's now being gauged, is leading many victims of all forms of abuse, into severe regression with suicidal tenancies. What can we take home from this?

    The system is not going to change. Facts ... 1. Pastor Frank Fullwood still has accolades of high degrees. To this day he is considered to of been an outstanding member of community (He may not be living but he is still glorified) 2. We have pedophiles working within the Justice System. We lowly uneducated affected peoples only removed one individual ... there are more. 3. Dr David Leary who took advantage or me (You know the story) becomes an adviser of the investigating systems to which 4. which only adds to the problem with it's Hierarchy of Suffering.

    Now is the time for people to tell their stories ... but in a way that acknowledges the truth, as they best define ... not by some table with figures that sums it up from a perspective that's far removed - that's less willing to acknowledge the truth of what the real impact of child abuse is ... what it does and how it spreads. It's true impact on Society. All of Us. Our communities.

    I'm not saying don't take the money, but understand the sums don't do us justice. In fact, our current value system is what keeps us from healing.

    Night Night -

    .....others reaction.
    Last edited by Ponder; 07-10-2018 at 07:14 PM.

  3. #173
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ponder View Post
    Sal - your words Never Ever fail. There is no such things as fail for people like us. That was a major share Sal. I know pride can be a stumbling block, but I have to say I am proud of you.
    I worried all day after writing it, so I'm glad they didn't offend you or make you feel worse. Always glad to share if it helps others. Also doing that helps to get some shit out I've bottled up. I'll reach out again for help and create a new thread if need be.

    Glad you are back! No need to reply

  4. #174
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    All Good Sal - Your a good Friend. The raging bull is starting to slow. Today I was barley able to function ... but ... It was a good type of exhaustion and even now as I feel my body and mind about ready to take themselves someplace despite my resistance ... I'm smiling now because I give those guys my permission ... I give in!


    I'll just say ... think of the following in reverse.



    For me thinking in reverse is so much more relaxing. "Deception, deception, deception ... " I saw that now like I am counting sheep ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz ... chuckles at the pun in how that actually relates to what I'm saying. That prayer I recently made was not directed to who or what some may or might have thought it was. Just wanted to clear that up. That when I hit the ground and find myself getting back up ... it has nothing to do with bowing down. I do apologise if this disappoints.

    None the less I am getting closer to doing away with this world and all the conditions that go with it. Better said I am ready for bed where I seek to step out from the light and contently walk into the abyss. No stairs needed; yet more imagery that does not work for me.

    Yawns ... Goodnight ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  5. #175
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    Hey D .. SAL ... John ... rosspark or anyone else following. I'm coming close to finishing off this thread. I don't regret for a minute anything I have said in it. Everything I have expressed in here is what I needed to go through and if not being allowed to express as I have done, I would hate to think where I might of ended up. Yes this is a slow forum with little traffic, but the quality of support and allowances afforded to those of us hard and complex cases, means we get a truly unique opportunity of support. High traffic and popularity is an easy trade off for what you get in return. I'm sure we have not heard the last of the traffic woes ... smiles ... OK ... back to some kind of fitting end:

    I really can't say it any better than a close friend of mine recently said it to me as he linked the following video:


    "Something helpful does exist in this argument. I can't quite put my finger on it. But forgiveness of an arse mightn't always mean tolerance of them. Maybe more an acknowledgement of their limits and a mutual release, if one is possible."
    ______________________________________
    ___

    Thx Col



  6. #176
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    Thanks Ponder. I want to get to where she's at, and thought I reached there until three years ago when one of the bleeps' obituaries came up on my radar and it started the emotional s'storm all over again for me.

  7. #177
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    You know something rosspark - The agenda in all this is questionable at best and the way it's been handled has imo done more damage than good. It's like when the family courts preach the best interest of the child but at the end of the day it boils down to the authorities in control. That said ... there is silver lining in all this. Those of us that remain true to ourselves despite the system that will forever always keep eating it's tail - somehow, somewhere .. eventually we will come out the other side all the more wiser for having honored ourselves. I think in that little speech to which I care less re the religious attachments in ongoing vids, there is a sense of self respect that comes from the letting go in such a light as aligned within the concept of forgive.

    My wife struggle with forgiveness. I beleive the element of bowing down and letting go to invested attachments (unresolved emotion or in our case triggered) obscures the more healing aspect that comes from letting go as I sense the most appealing attribute explained here with the term forgiveness.

    IS OK - Ride with whatever emotion that needs to be felt. Did you see my reactionary video? Where I keep slapping myself in the Head? I was in a good space also before all this show boating of LOOK AT US _ LOOK AT WHAT WE ARE DOING - WE ARE MAKING THE CHURCH PAY - is to me as failing as the same BS they have been doing all over the world with Aboriginal peoples of all kinds that were raped and killed. This whole reconciliation, retribution - likewise thing - as portrayed and administered created the welfare mentality that the system then nails out for the rest of society to despise. Look at how the Royal Commission bla bla bla Child Sexual Abuse in the end, selected an accused individual to be an adviser on their team.

    The takes that cake for me as I was one caught up in that mans bed. The whole way in which the system then complicates the issue with it legal BS to allow these influential high society types to continue in their positions as it does ... well ... Best we can do is expose that for what it is (and that's what I am doing now) up to a point where in the end we accept what is and move on. My stance on Society will never change. I tried reaching out in another forum controlled by the government and they could not care less.

    Yep I hear ya ... Just do the best you can with yourself. I know what that man did was not right and now with hindsight and all the bullshit ... YEP - it just makes it worse ... BUT ... I also feel my time is now come to put it all to rest. I almost stood on a chair in my shed this time around ... ALMOST. I totally get it and agree with what you just said. It's the processing of all the stuff that came as a result of when we gave in ... we we 'caved in' ... all the stuff we went through after that and the impact .. the impact the system is not addressing ... that impact we have to in the end address for ourselves. We have to draw upon a high strength that is way more powerful and worth of our attention ... as opposed to the system that creates our pain and yes ... this system is making it worse. That power for me is within and has always been there ... has nothing to do with this GOD authorities term, or the one most main stream sheep reefer. I only know the process that works for me in the seeking it out ... from within ... and that YES ... it was a part of my balance before I was contacted regarding a PAYOUT. It's very sad how their are handling it and the pain they are causing is way more than it's worth. They have dismissed the abuse of so many more and would of done better just to focus on the mental health reforms as too the education system and the extreme hard lined approach. The only way it will ever change is when more of us turn our backs on the current system. Rant rant and rant ... more over in the turning of backs ... doing it in a way that knows no pain.

    Something our demons hate the most. But we got to love em in the same way wish to be loved ourselves. Is hard ... maybe just don't see the system or those that hurt us as demons. That there helps. I am working on that.

    Please don't hold back.
    After you make another 12 posts you will be able to pour out till your hearts content ... yell and scream. Takes 25 post to extend beyond the word cap. That said if you have nothing left to say ... that's cool too. I'm not quite down yet. My submission forms for the redress just arrived the other day and much of what I have written in there with a little trimming needs to be retold.

    FUCK THE MONEY ... Just tell the truth as best you can ... then let all this fucking shit go. It's sad that pain and suffering really does not get the attention it deserves with regard to the process ... but be sure to include it regardless of this playing down scenario with their hierarchy of touch. I personally beleive those of us left living who are now suffering this pain - regardless of right or wrong in the process and how it's come to be - that even you and I crossing paths - won't say meant to be, but will say, gives us new purpose and choices that we can make our own.

    I'm still not buying we chose to be this fucked up. New Agers have not quite convinced me of that. I am getting it a little more but not quite - seems a little too convenient with respect this blind eye approach of watching others suffer while they just smile and say Love and Light. They be more the plastic fad / club like followers wana be angels of light and la la and la ... YET - Something in that choosing our path seems on par enough. You can't help those that can't hear and continue to put themselves in harms way. The innocence of being victim only holds for a few rounds where at some point we have to find acceptance or we become abusers of ourselves. I'm just a lot more kinder in the way I think of this when making such proposals of myself and others. There are some hard lined New Agers that in many ways make cold hearted killers look like saints.

    I've said too much.

    I'm kind of hoping you have not finished posting BUT - accept so if not much else to say.

    All good either way.
    Last edited by Ponder; 07-15-2018 at 04:12 AM.

  8. #178
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    Yes, this is the same toxic philosophy Rhonda Byrne promoted in her book, The Secret, where she claims "illness cannot exist in a body that has harmonious thoughts" blaming people for their impairments and dismissing the need to address societal barriers. We argue that if Aborigines just did things the same way we whites do, they would make it far better than they are presently doing. The problem with this thinking is that, no matter how much they do things the way us white people do them, they are not white people so they will never measure up. The same is true for us. Robert Anton Wilson called this "New Age" message, Newage (rhymes with sewage;(

    It was the same with the Royal Commission into Aboriginal Deaths in Custody, and will continue with every form of institutional abuse that gets uncovered in our country. Because government policy has endorsed it every step of the way, and they dont want to pay! We are now seeing it with the NDIS, which is about offering individuals with disability "choice and control", yet the Commonwealth Government has backpedalled on funding for-profit services and is instead devolving priority funding to religious charities/ nfps which takes away full, and equitable, access to the market for people with disability that those without disability take for granted. This once again reinforces the "Charity Model" and highlights once again that us most marginalised in the community deserve cheaper service where we are exposed to less accountability and potential for further abuse.

  9. #179
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    THANK YOU! Forgive me if I am speechless. It is a good thing for me. Loved 'everything' you just said! God it's good to hear it like that from someone other than myself. The good ol Us and Them mentality sure is old, yet sadly as strong as ever. You nailed it ... nailed it good! The part about skirting what really needs to be addressed and the way you said it ... Priceless!!! TY

    If I could touch on the NDIS - My mentor had his last visit with me today. It's one a varioius mental health programs I access in the community. More so where he comes to my house and sometimes we might go out. Often we do. Anyways ... whilst they will T me up with someone else, the program itself is being absorbed like most other of my supports into the NDIS. The frustrating thing for myself and many others who also rely on or have been for years now ... relying on mental health supports ... IS ... most of these service will soon no longer be available. (Unless you get on NDIS and then like you allude - the services are questionable when it really comes to best interest of individuals - is more about job creation) - This is the only reason I have been making efforts to get on NDIS. (Although I question quality and availability of services / doing more so because soon DSP Reviews are coming or people soon to be chopped off with no supports at all!) I am in the process of a review that may end up in a full blow appeal and then possibly - ironically - I may end up rejected from NDIS - BUT - Still on a disability support pension for mental illness as defined by my array of clinical reports ... BUT WITHOUT ANY #^&*ING SUPPORT as the community is all rushing to get NDIS funding. Insane of what???

    No wonder people give up and only resort to meds. Nothing against those of 'us' using them. It's a tough job supporting others in the community whilst seeing the BS for what it is. I think a large part of that played into my mentor moving on ... as well as other responsibilities. Just saying is all. He often used to relay his own frustration in the bureaucracy and it's negative effects. One step forwards, three steps back.

    "New Age" message, Newage (rhymes with sewage;(
    ← Also feels good to hear others put it like that. Admitadly I do have a spiritual side to me that's open on many levels ... but yep ... It's crazy the things that some cults/ures come up with.

    ---------------------

    Anyways ... I need to re-read what you just said. Priceless!!!
    Last edited by Ponder; 07-16-2018 at 01:23 AM.

  10. #180
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    We need to remember religions or movements like the New Age have been written/ conceived by the privileged so they are of course going to promote the underlying discourse of those in power. Re: support for mental health through the NDIS, have you seen this recent access guide produced by Flinders University? I couldn't post the link but if you Google "Accessing the NDIS - Assisting people with psychosocial disability to access the NDIS: a guide for Commonwealth-funded community mental health providers" it should come up with the correct link.

 

 

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