Hi,I'm Chris and I'm 19 years old.I've known about this illness(if this is it) reading an old interview of a rock singer,crazy ehn?
I still haven't checked all the information here,but I downloaded them,so.
Ok,I'm going to tell you what's going on with me.
This is the first time I talk about this to someone:here,I haven't got panic attacks,I think.I got problems staying in crowds,public places(I only read something of the symptoms),I got problems going around alone,it's not that I fear I can't find a place to feel safe,it's just fear.
When I feel unconfortable I shake,sweat.All of this is getting a big problem now,coz I've just finished high school and I should be finding a job.Last year I wanted a job;I was with my mother and we saw on the window of a computer store,written on a paper,they were searching for people.I said my mom I would have liked to try;I was euphoric I even told my father,who really feels the duty.The next day my mom and I went to see,but I was already caught by fear and once there I told my mom,for excuse, they already found someone.We went away.
I saw someone here said,people with this have dealt more or less all with depression.Well, years ago an episode with my supposed friend led me to think of suicide.That's when my mind confusion begin.Now,I can't tell you everything about it,too long,but if you won't I'll tell you then.
The fear to go out alone was always part of me,for what I can remember.
Towards december,maybe before,I'll have to leave for Canada alone,to go to my aunt.I would like to live in the U.S., and this can be my only chance to go to America and do the things I wanna do.
I thought to find a job there,but since I got this problem and to what I think I wouldn't be able to find it alone,I will never have the chance to do what I want in my life.My father thinks I don't feel like working,I just believe.After school he told me:"Now,you gotta wake up;just leave your shyness and fears,you gotta work and gain money to take home!!" Most of the time we joke together but sometimes he tells me these things who scares me.
You know,at school I stayed alone coz I felt unconfortable and I counldn't fit with anybody.One of my teachers asked my mother if I had a problem;she said no,but she criticized her coz I did it.I even stayed away coz I wasn't in the right mood,I was down or angry or something.Anyway,now I'm unable to stay with other people.I went to 2 classdinners and they were a disaster,I just didn't talk,at all.
In all of my teenage years I've gone out in the evening at most twice.I've been home alone everyday in summer and weekends for 8 years!Sometimes I really feel lonely,sometimes I don't coz I'm a proud person,and there are lots of things people piss me off with.
There are tons of things I didn't say but that's what happens when I try to explain things.
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Maybe a few days of both hehe
