Hey family. New members. Old members. Hope you're all doing good.
I've been having it rough the past 4-5 months. Problems, pressure, losses etc. fuelling my anxiety. 2 weeks ago, I just crashed. I couldn't continue my routine. I'm in all truth tired from the same cycle. I'm litterally physically mentally tired of everything.
I turned 23 not long ago. I don't know why but it felt like a reality check. What have I done this far into my life? What have I achieved? What have I learned? What goals do I have? Am I happy with the path in life I'm taking? Do I want to continue? Is it worth it? Do I want to live? Do I want to die? I'm just not satisfied with my life. I'm 23 years old and it feels like I've experienced what life can offer. I just don't like it. It seems like from here on, it's all just struggle and misery. Survival. But for what?
I lost the girl of dreams. Childhood friend. Maybe she felt something for me too. Maybe she didn't. I'll never know. It's completely my fault though, I couldn't take the next step. Too much of a p*ssy. And now she's marrying another man. It broke my heart but it is what it is.
I hate my job. I'm no good at it. Not interesting enough to learn. Can't quit because I don't have any career goals. And how will I survive without a job? I will eventually get a new job and just start hating it. I couldn't work last week because I couldn't find a reason to continue. Why continue the struggle? I have nothing to achieve here it feels like. I can't even find a reason to survive. Then there's the fear of losing the job. Who will pay the rent then? What will pay the food? Anxiety going through the roof when these thoughts hit me.
I don't know. I see all these people at my age. One is married, the other one has his own family and buying a house, one has finished sculpturing his character and has come far in his career and I just keep comparing myself to them.
I'm tired of everything. Staying up late every other night and drinking to numb it all doesn't help either. Still struggling with addictions. Seems like you get rid of one problem, life hits you with two new ones. I'm incapacitated. Confused. No idea where to go from here on.
Elias