Hello everybody!!! Its been a while since i was on here. I broke my second monitor in a year bc of adhd thats why i was off, but im not here because of this. The thing is that i love being depressed and i was good since may but i pushed myself succesfully back in this week. Willingly i wanted to be depressed and now i finally am. I sound crazy now that im writting this. I also think i never really got out of it because my hypocondria thing came back stronger (had it in my early years but disapeard) and it made me scared obviously of the death which made me scared being depressed because i thoight if i dont apreciate life maybe the universe will give me some death disease. Now im depressed and i dont want to die neither i just enjoy it right now. Some reasonsi can give:
- The emotions like pain, sadness, loneliness etc are way more intese than being happy, being haooy actually feels empty. And it makes me happy being it.
- Songs mean way more to me when they speak to me and if im not depressed i just dont feel this good feeling of it being relatable. Also movies about depression and all that stuff makes me feel so related and good. (im watching 13RW and its amazing feeling hurt and remembering my past.
- I can give no fuck about everything i just dont care about daily things and its awesome.
- Self harming is just the top of the iceberg, its soo good.
Well i dont even know why im writting this maybe just to know if im crazy. Funny thing is if someone says its normal then i would be disapointed bc i kinda want to be weird and special.
HAVE A GOOD DAY EVERYONE