Addressing my social phobias

[PR83]

Hello all,

Probably the firs time I've ever tried to address my social anxiety, it took me a long time to realize that I am truly suffering from this type of anxiety/fear. Any tips or help out there? where to start? Large crowds have always given me a lot of anxiety, to the point where my breathing gets restricted and I become incredibly tense. But even day to day interactions with people I know are sometimes anxiety invoking, as I always fear judgement from others.

Thanks guys and gals

[Ponder]

Hello again PR83

To what extent does your social phobia hold you back? Grocery Shopping, Going to the doctors, and so on. Do you avoid going to the doctors when you might actually benefit from seeing one? Are you buying in bulk to avoid regular trips? Do you really desire to be around large crowds? A little more information would help us to better come up with tips that are more aimed to your preferences.

Here's a couple of tips that work for me:

• Most of the problem can be resolved with first accepting the way we are rather then trying to fit in with others.
• Coming to understand how we as a society are expected to act and look can go a long way to turning the tide of inadequacy and fear. Knowledge is power.
• Change your beliefs ... better yet ... don't adopt any. Just be yourself.
• It's OK to be an introvert and overrated to be an extrovert.

[PR83]

Thanks for the response Ponder!

I would say it holds me back from things such as doctor's appts, or activity that is related to sports or physical activity. It doesn't prevent me from doing routine stuff, errands, or from seeing friends. I hate large crowds but will deal with them if I want to go to a concert, etc. However, even though I am not held back by my anxiety, it still overtakes me during said activity, where my chest gets tight, breathing becomes shallow, I get incredibly tense. The second I leave the situation, I start to feel better.

I feel that I have a major lack of confidence, and I am constantly feeling insecure or being judged. I've started talking with my therapist about this but still find the social scene quite difficult.

[Ponder]

Kudos for seeing a therapist. I find it helps and still seeing one myself. Perhaps a tip relevant to your situation may first be to establish an escape that is easy for you to take if at some stage the event becomes overwhelming. The planning of an escape is not a self fulfilling prophecy of a negative outcome, but more a practical fall back measure that in fact helps to give one more confidence.

An escape plan that puts me in control is what I find works best. An example of this would be me avoiding traveling in someone else's car where I know the only means of transport home would be having to rely on someone else. Knowing that I can get myself back home is very important.

Part of the escape plan is coming up with a pre-planned reason that your comfortable to sharing with others why you looking to make a break. Perhaps your exit strategy need not take you out of the picture all together by simply to get a little fresh air where you then come on back when feeling more refreshed - feeling well.

Know where you are. Another factor to an escape route is position within a crowed & or group. Once panic sets in, becoming disorientated means becoming easily lost; especially in unfamiliar places. Land Marks work good. I'm always looking for easy to read land marks or points of interest within crowded spaces.

Go physically in a good state. Not being hydrated and well nourished/fed will have one soon looking like a sim ready for bed while everyone else is getting cranked up. Sounds like a no brainier right? This one often gets the most well prepared of us all. I'm big on this one as much as I am with having an escape and well planned excuse. Being mentally prepared is a bid deal too but I leave that for the next paragraph.

Noise and Sensory issues are a bid one for me, but not sure I can pass on tips that relate with a concert with such in mind. LOL
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Mentally Prepared. The lack of confidence and insecurity sound like your core issues to work on. I understand this and am confident (ironically so) in saying that no doubt many of us in here can certainly relate. Perhaps learning to BS yourself is a good place to start. BSing others is something I detest. It's So draining and easy to spot a mile away ... unless your caught up in all the hype in which space you would care less about what others think. I mean by BSing yourself ... I just mean to imply using reverse psychology on yourself like a pep talk. If you tell yourself something enough times with an ounce of faith based on good intent ... you might be surprised at how easy it becomes to be more yourself. In this context your BSing is for a good cause and won't hurt anyone else.

I find socializing with myself really helps. I practice talking in front of a video camera an upload on youtube where I am mostly my own audience. It helps me with my confidence. Identifying weaknesses within my speech and memory are helping me to be more confident through practice alone. Perhaps using a mirror (which I also sometimes do) or recording your voice can also assist. Now I understand this might sound extreme ... but I do suffer with low self esteem and read about these techniques online ... so gave them a try. To my surprise ... they have actually helped me to the point where I am now able to go to a group ... if I so desire.

Desire? That's a big one. It gets so many of us in trouble when we have it, yet without any motivation what's so ever ... come all the triggers.

I leave this for now. Let others chime on in. We are all different and different things work for different people. I hear ya loud and clear on the lack of confidence and insecurity. Just find some techniques to practice within an environment where you are comfortable and then slowly progress from there. Be kind to yourself in the doing so. Once we can be kind to ourselves it's much easier to do so to others ... although still can be a chore to be sure.

It's good to learn why we react the way we do both on a physical and mental level.

Keep posting ... refreshing to see others dealing with core issues.

Great Thread!

[MainerMikeBrown]

PR 83, getting better at not fearing other people judging you involves realizing that you can't read other individuals minds. You often can't really get an idea of what others are thinking about you.

[gypsylee]

You’d actually be amazed by how many people have social anxiety. I talk to a lot of people in the work I do and it’s like every second person has it (and is on some medication for it.)