Anxiety and Being Cheated On

[Im-Suffering]

Im-Suffering -- is there any way to know when a trauma is fully healed? Can all traumas be fully healed? I was just reading Ponder's post on his diary thread about his brother's death. I can't imagine that is a trauma that will ever fully heal (if you'll forgive me for making assumptions, Ponder).

Thanks.

lets not say fully healed, lets say assimilated. its not that one is crafting an identity in his life, because identity is temporal. atleast this life, this you.

your unique individual experiences, forge an overall identity, that you will take with you when the body is gone. say, the spirit is more than the sum of its parts, you are much more than martin, you understand. you are today 'playing martin', in a sojourn, but martin is part of a larger identity thousands of years old. you will however remember martin, and all of his eccentricities, you can remember many identities, when you say 'this isnt me' or you find familiar surroundings, or meet someone who you say 'it feels like i know you forever', and you do.

You will take remembrance of the good and the bad. this life is like a master craftsman's tool, building a personality, learning lessons. This is what you set out for, this is the plan. Ponder has a hard go of it, but.. what has become of him is precious because of, his experiences.

Now, no doubt this has not been much comfort.. in the current moment. Remember, it is not so much the troubles, but how you, what you, and will you do, be, act, and become. Emotions such as anger, resentment, jealousy, cruelty, hate and so forth are temporary, whereas if you can come to terms with what happens in your life, enlighten through it, and remain connected and loving..even tho, so to speak.

Do not repress, express, but hold dearly to the light and your connections with spirit, and others spirit. Continue to do unto others, keep your grace, pray for your soul, pray to your God, pray to stay connected, with empathy, compassion...no matter what, even from the pits of hell. And you will have survived this rough journey intact and for the better.

Hate remember is love turned inside out, hate is a form of conflict resolution. Hate forces mediation to return to a loving connected state. Hate is the separation from love and the spirit urge to return balance. If hate is repressed, as you see in the world, and for a time with Ponder, it turns on you like the plague and you blow like a pressure cooker.

So. my friend, accept the trauma, as hard and painful, agonizing and anxious it may be. Look for the lesson, look inside yourself for the beliefs that you hold, and try your best, to change what you can, and ride what you cant as God stands before ye in your defense.

Always keep your love, keep your connection with the world, say in the hardest of times 'what would love do now'? Dont beat yourself up, hate if you must, cry in your pillow, use anger to bring you back to spirit. After a good hate, after you beat up your pillow, after some time of a good cry, you come to the light.

You dont need to heal trauma fully, you just bless it as part of your experience. and pray, stay good, stay in love. If the trauma was a choice you made (rather than say a death in the family, etc), find the belief in you that created it, examine it, then you can change it.

with love, I feel for your journey, and I send you good energy.

Thats all I have for now, I hope you understand this post its off the cuff, im not going to reread and edit so some may be incoherent

[martin05]

Ah, right, yes. Assimilated makes a lot more sense.

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

[gypsylee]

Forgive my two cents dear, but it's all I have! I'm so sorry to hear about this.

To be "cheated on" you must first believe it's possible (not in general per se, but to you personally). You have certain stored beliefs about men, relationships and so forth. You also have related not fully healed trauma and negative experiences in your past.

In a sense, you get what you expect. You may keep your feelings private and not post them here, but I want you to think back, before this relationship. Intuitively, you knew (feeling) some time ago that if it weren't cheating (in your future), it would be another betrayal, whether trust, acceptance, abuse, etc. I am saying, inside, you knew (again, gut feeling) this would happen - at some point in one form or another, yet again. You were afraid of it for periods of time, to an extent keeping yourself tucked in tight, and also preventing not only healing, but the chances of a mutual loving relationship. When you finally did step out, your fears we're realized. This 'gut feeling' may not have been verbal to you, but rather a sick stomach, fear, worry, anxiety etc whenever you pondered the topic. Or it may have said loudly 'dont do it again, stay away, you'll get hurt', dismissing that, you try again. Certainly there must be a Mr right?

Not while you expect Mr wrong. Again, this expectation may not be verbal, but feeling. You become ill as certain triggers pop up.

Then like a childrens innocent game of hide and seek, when your fears materialize, you cry afoul. Forgetting your feelings, wiping them away with hope. But hope and wishes dont work that way. To quote religion, 'God knows your heart', you understand. With free will to explore the ups and downs of life, you are given to what you feel. You can always trust your feelings. Not words.

Sometimes a sick stomach say in a new job, can be good, because it is new and you are overcoming, however sometimes a sick stomach can be a warning, of changes and choices. So it is up to you, to know how your belief system triggers your feelings. Another verse, 'know thyself to be true' is appropriate here.

You may say to yourself 'I cant trust men', feel sick, but push yourself to date one. Here you knew your belief, by the conscious words and feelings way ahead of time. When you can truly FEEL the opposite (and this is just a simplified example), you will experience the opposite.


Talk to you later I do wish you a good day

Suff, I do appreciate you taking the time and energy to write this but to me it’s a simple case of that guy hurting me before I could (supposedly) hurt him. He was very insecure and jealous, and was almost 20 years older than me, so I had quite the upper hand. I have no idea about this new woman but I’d put money on it she’s a “safer” bet than I was. I’ve often experienced this but after things have ended — the guy ends up in a long-term relationship with a woman that is quite a big “downgrade” if I dare say so.

But it is because of my terribly low self-esteem that I fall for these guys in the first place, or that I get so attached so quickly. I am forever trying to work on that but it’s pretty hard-wired I guess.

Thanks,
Gypsy x

[sm3392]

That is awful

[gypsylee]

Thanks for bumping this up. That WAS awful. I’m pretty much over it now and it’s really helpful to look back on things and see how we overcame them.