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  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Posts
    3

    Unhappy Fear of missing out and not getting invited to parties/places

    Ugh.
    I'm having a hard time finding real friends to hang out with in college.
    There are my party friends, then there are my real friends who want to talk to me in general, not just when they come across me.
    It's so frustrating.
    I didn't get invited to a dorm party tonight.
    The thing is, I always party with the people hosting it.
    It's almost as if I always have to invite myself to hang out with people.
    I feel invisible and ignored.
    I'm known as the "nice girl" at school.
    I want to keep it that way, but at the same time, I'm kind of sad about it.
    The party girls wear really revealing clothes and get the attention of tons of guys.
    I feel like I'm just a bystander.
    I do dress revealingly on occasion, but I never seem to get any looks.
    I hate looking at Snapchat and Instagram and seeing that I didn't get invited to something.
    It's such a let-down.
    I've come to the conclusion that I'm entirely more of an introvert than an extrovert.
    What's a girl to do?
    I'm done trying.

  2. #2
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Posts
    10
    The last sentence you wrote is key. I've always noticed that when I had a girlfriend, other girls seemed interested in me. When I was single, I must have inadvertently been giving off a desperate vibe, and no one would give me the time of day. Popularity is highly overrated. The more you get invited to stuff, the more you have to hang out with imbeciles. Think about it - the less complex you are as a person, the less likely you are to clash with someone else. Usually, the most popular girls (teen to young adult anyway) are the dumbest or easiest to control. They may also be the meanest (people want to be with them rather than against them) or the best looking (*most* boys don't care about personality if the looks are 9 or 10/10 because all they want is to bed them).

    Considering all this, doing your own thing is always best. Don't try to be a mean/hot/dumb girl to get invited to parties if what you really are is the nice girl. Even if it worked, they aren't inviting you, they're inviting your persona. It's like a man who has a lot of money. If he spoils a girl, he's not really getting her adoration for himself as a person, he's getting it for his money or gifts. Same applies here. If you are yourself, then when you find the smaller group you get along with naturally, you'll be much happier than pretending to be some dummy who likes yelling "woooo!!!!!!!!!1111111111" for no reason and doing beer bongs standing on her head.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    5,733
    Isolation can really suck. I've said it more than a few times in response throughout this forum. I've come to see it's not so much other people and their beliefs (world view) although one could reason/analyse that it is and to be sure I've done just that and still do.

    Blaming others typically brings about a sense of bitterness, jealousy, and varioius other likewise emotions that mostly leads to depression and low self esteem. Usually this happens when we subscribe to ideals that are not aligned with our true self. In simple terms - learn to be happy with who you really be. Even the adults today ... the older ones at that ... are very immature. Trying to personify someone and something that will never encompass who they really are. All that popularity, status, - and if their really sucked in to the illusion of happiness ... even all that money, will never fill the void that so many of us do not see when those people are not jacked up on all those things.

    I guess being young does bring about a lack of experience to seeing the bigger picture. Although I would say the younger among us that remain true to themselves often see it earlier than most. It helps not to take the lessons of life personal and just accept the way others are and more importantly that way one is.

    I feel like going on with my drama ... my story but don't think it will help. I'll just say that whilst I was a sports champ in the schools I frequented; there were other facets about my life that did not attract. The popular ones did cheer me on, but also gossiped behind my back. It was water on a ducks back to me. I guess I was never around long enough as I was always being fostered out and never around long enough. Nevertheless I had many other challenges to overcome and knew if I did not remain true to myself, I would drain quickly if all life amounted to was being accepted by others. Instead it became clear to me the only one I need accept was myself. It's the only person who is going to stick with who as you go from one place to the next. You don't have of lived from one spot to the next or an unsettling life to come to such a realization as life itself will eventually take everyone from on position to the next.

    I really did much prefer 'Plain Jane' - I never spoke like a monk back in my younger days ... although was a weird enough kid. Yet because I could care less what others thought and was too focused on making the best before my world - before it would suddenly change ... I always treasured those few, those few acquaintances for as short as those positive experiences took place. I knew the prissy looking ones and even the lads being led on strings were kind of like lost sheep to me. I had better things to do than get all caught up in that kind of thing. I did get all depressed at one stage I thought it would be good to be in such a group ... but narrrr ... it just smelt like bullshit best left for lost sheep.

    I was not enlightened or anything ... I went on to suffer a LOT more ... but it's more about perspective, what you desire and how you feel about yourself that really sets the mold. (A mold is for those who find it hard to change and is very much the case latter in life is one does not learn to let go of the past and all those associate negative experiences ... same applies to the now with momentary passing's as well.) These things will change for sure. That's how life works.

    There is WAY too much bling bling about today ... but then again there always has. Perhaps we did not have as many 50 and 60 year olds doing selfies and showing their tits - lol - but then again ... the same fallibility and same lessons have always been there to learn.
    ___________________________

    Introvert and Extrovert are such limiting terms. It helps to see through such words as though they were invisible rather than seeing yourself as such.

    You may at this point have no idea just how beautiful you really are; but take it from me ... coming out the other side with your true self intact whilst enduring such makes you more attractive than anyone could ever hope to be.
    Carry with you a sense of dignity whilst not denying the pain of whatever is taking place will soon see you stand out in a way that cannot be denied. Hold your head up but not so high as to have it pecked off.

    I guess a '*&%$ it' approach might help to snap you out of such shallow desires and help one move on ... but don't let all those negative emotions drag in down in that process ... instead rise above by working on the connections that are to be had. Like I said ... fleeting acquaintances did it for me. Once your not bogged down with all that BS you begin to see the light in others through the simplest of gestures. There is no need for formal invitations to events that leave a impressions that are soon forgotten by the following week. People only drag up the negativity long after whilst still caught up years later in all the same BS. It's far better to foster real moments no matter how fleeting they be.

    All the above is as much BS in itself ... I don't know jack!

    But you DO sound beautiful to me. The potential for real moments that make you feel worthy await. Don't box yourself with such limiting terms but do accept that it's OK to of been feeling whatever, more so because one now sees she has the power to be so much more. Much more than any of those desires we have been taught to want ... could ever instill.
    __________________________________________________ _

    The following is just how I detach when all else fails:

    The way we feel often projects and attracts proportional to the intensity of our emotions which is why disassociation from an observational or objective view can help ... in as much as learning to detach ... yet live out our day in some kind of meaningful way. Often from this point of view/state of being ... the BS smells more like Nature and like most other circumstance and or situations ... become much more acceptable. In fact ... BS can smell refreshing at times when viewing life like this. That latter I guess you might have to be a real country bumpkin to appreciate.

    @ any rate ... you sound beautiful enough for me. I just hope your able to see the same thing.

    Wishing you all the best
    Last edited by Ponder; 10-10-2017 at 03:15 PM.

  4. #4
    Invisible is my middle name.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    Maine, United States
    Posts
    710
    I don't have a lot of friends either. But I'm okay with that because I like me.

    And I think most people like me, even though I don't have a lot of friends.

  6. #6
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Posts
    26
    Try to be selective. You can talk to everybody. But trust the few.

  7. #7
    Try joining a club. Then they pretty much have to invite you to things.

    Then you'll be more likely to be invited to more social-focused parties.

 

 

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