Upcoming holidays already because everywhere you go, its already Christmas. Makes me sort of want to not go out in stores right now. I know.. I know.. I said I wouldn't become a scrooge, but really?! Its not even thanksgiving yet
Sort of obsessing about a few appointments next week, a bit worried honestly, but trying to push it aside until Monday. The appointment is only a rheumatologist for the inflammation and to refill medications Monday; but I have to see both my therapist and APRN this week and I clam up every time because I don't appear compliant (which I suppose is true to some extent).
Otherwise, was a nice day, and get this.....I actually enjoyed the music and decorations, more the winter (Santa and Frosty) type. Was a good day and felt GREAT both physically and mentally for a change
Double HA!!
I really need to just create another journal for as much as I abuse this threat for my own use.
Not too bad today, stayed up (sad that that is a huge achievement for me), mood was strong considering everyone is in holiday killer death mode. Road rage was bad, glad I'm just the passenger. People are supposed to nicer the happiest time of the year. Okay, let me stop
I didn't allow people to penetrate my bubble and it worked **thumbs up** for that.
Still unsettled with myself and trying to get used to the fact that I can't go back and take what I learned when I really needed it them. Had I known what I know now, I'd be in a different place - no necessarily a better place though because I get the feeling my mania would've lead me down a different path to destruction. Nobody ever taught me, I got here on my very own without help from anybody, so I should pat myself on the back for that. I'm proud of that fact the I started my learning process in 2013 and really grew in the last 4 years. However, much of what I learned should've been instinct for a 16 year old boy and I was a child still.
Just blew a circuit and can't think so will write again later.
Going to be nice weather tomorrow, should try to wind down and just be grateful things didn't go worse...because they could've gone MUCH worse. Want to walk maybe 1 mile if possible. Downhill is ok but coming back uphill is tough.
Anyway..
Hope everyone found something to do that at least distracted you from your troubles over the weekend.
Waled today and it was nice. Weather was cloudy and brisk in the 50s and felt pretty good. I take it back though, uphill is easier on my back.
So far so good today
^Oookps, meant WALKED today
Oh well, still along the lines of what I'm thinking about, soo..
Alcohol!
Funny, I can go into a liquor store as I did today and not get any sort of craving for it. I can see and touch the bottles without problem. What triggers me is when I remember I could escape from reality and put myself into a coma. I cant ever touch it again or that would be "it" for me, this I know.
Going to create a journal this week about putting the past behind me and focusing on the future. I need to do this because I keep trying (in my own mind) to pretend to go back to a time when things 'seems' stable and fine. They weren't at all though looking back knowing what I know now.
Not a bad day overall just a little manic but better than the doldrums I suppose.
Ok, should step out of this thread for a while.
Hope everyone is at least remaining hopeful about the future and managing ok with everything. I just live day-by-day now and try now to worry about whats up ahead. Try to not look at everything on my plate and deal with 1 thine at a time and only what I can handle at the moment when I'm feeling strong enough.
Train Simulator
Cities Skylines
Family Court
NDIS
Train Simulator
Cities Skylines
Sniper Elite 4
Far Cry 4
Train Simulator
Cities Skylines
Food & Water
Right now I'm thinking about what a heartbreaking loss the Patriots suffered earlier today in Miami against the Dolphins. They lost on the last play of the game.
So it's sort of tough to be a Pats fan right now. But maybe they'll do better next week.
Reflecting back on 2018; bittersweet!
Right now I'm thinking about 2018 and how it's been for me as well, Salvator.
I'm happy to say that it's been a good year for me.
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