Needing help to understand what someone is going through

[Lookingtohelp]

I am trying to hard to understand what a special person is going through. We had a special 5 year relationship and then 2.5 years ago something happened in his life that caused him to slowly pull away. He was on 20 mg Lexepro and 10 mg Wellbutrin

I tried to keep our relationship alive during that time (long distance) but he was always so distant. Sometimes he would be open to us, others he was not. Recently he weaned off medication and he seemed more open to talking but he stated he was so depressed. He recently went back on 10 mg Lexepro but is still depressed.

He says he is not suicidal but has no desire to live. I have tried the last month or so to reach out and meet him when he is in town but he finds excuses not to. I try to text him every day to tell him how special he is. How talented he is which he says he appreciates.

I asked him today if he still loves me. He stated that he does not have any feelings about anything right now. I just cant understand that considering how close we were prior to the personal issue. I am just trying to understand how someone can feel this way. He is now asking his doctor to go back up to 20 mg lexepro again but when he was on that does he was so quick to anger and shut off. But he said he could cope better.

I don't really know what I am asking. I guess I just need help to understand from people who may know what he is experiencing

[martin05]

It's biological. When brain chemistry goes out of whack, symptoms such as these result.

Unfortunately, getting everything back into sync again isn't an exact science. Meds, adjusting your thinking and trying to keep a healthy routine are usually pretty helpful, but they offer no guarantees.

Mental illness sucks. I remember a time when I could eat my favorite foods and listen to my favorite music, yet feel nothing but boredom and apathy. Thankfully, most of us eventually begin to see a little bit of light after a while.

[Ponder]

martin05 Makes a lot of sense. Excellent points martin. I can only add ... and from my current circumstances for myself and wife, that living with someone whose chronic illness has mentally depleted them requires a lot of compassion and understanding to endure. Whilst at times this may be required on both sides, it can usually be a case were one is doing fine and the other is not. There are so many dynamics it's not such an easy topic discuss but kudos to you for reaching out like you have.

I just try to weather the storm through one cycle to the next. I also find it helpful in trying to see that the debilitating effects of mental degradation is not a result of personal dislike towards myself and others, although the latter can come into effect when during periods in which we are in our weakest moments. Building on strengths is something I am always learning and can say that really helps. Whilst out during a walk the other day I Skyped my wife in an attempt to lift her spirits. Long story short ... my wife has been so depressed of late, that the talk of death has come to light. I fully get where my wife is coming from and or anyone when going through unrelenting periods of depression. So anyways the Skype call paid off. My wife can't walk very far at all and is pretty much confined to her recliner with laptop in hand for what seems like 24/7.

We have been to together now for 27 years. I often get those numbers mixed up. We now sleep in different rooms and what most people consider as love is pretty much - long gone. It's evolved into something entirely different. I'm not one for attachment (although like to touch but sadly have been cut off), but I do feel there is still some spark there when it comes to knowing that we are at least there for each other and that things like trust and familiarity have the potential to warm us when impending doom looms. It's not ideal for me ... but it's good enough. It helps when your ideals are not set in stone.

I don't know what it is I am trying to say either ... just sharing from a point knowing what it can be like to live with someones who does not seem to have the same feelings as you. It's very sad to see our loved ones suffer like so.

I now revert back to martin05's excellent response and again add that compassion and understanding are the keys that have helped me to endure and at times lead to making connections that actually help.

Admittedly I have to often remind myself. It pays to look after oneself during this phase as we also tend to be hard on ourselves too. I struggle with a lot of instability, depression and extreme cycles myself but for the most part have implemented a lot of support mechanisms that keep me from plummeting.

May I suggest counselling too? My wife is yet to have her first session ... BUT ... it's finally on her to do list. This is something she eventually decided for herself. As well as giving little bits of persuasive encouragement I feel her final decision was seeing first hand the benefits its been doing for myself and our older kids. Therapy is a great tool but only works when the individual wants the help.

Thanks for posting. Keeping talking if it helps.

[Twichard]

You have to remember that you're friend is ill and in need of help but as much as you care about the person you may not be the one to help although you have the best intentions at heart mental illness is so difficult to understand expecially if you haven't suffered it or experience someone with the issue don't give up on you're friend he needs all the help and support you can give