Anxiety - Public Transport

[self12]

Hi guys,

Here's a bit of my background. I grew up bullied my first few years in school. Then I became the clown of the class to elevate me from the belittled state I was in as someone bullied. I have quite a negative family, not very supportive of me or my decisions, even the normal ones like what I wanna do for a job (which is in the legal sector btw). Over the years my experiences have concocted me into a very anxious person. Low self-esteem, not much confidence. So, my anxiety has been going on ever since I can remember.

Not sure if this problem has a name or is recognised as a term, but I am really anxious about taking public transport. I am 21 and I see people going here and there with their mates without even a second thought, even my own 16 year old cousin. I am just not confident in myself nor do I feel independent enough for my age. I feel like I can't just jump on a bus without panicking if it will take me to the right place (even if I plan from A to B) or if I have to switch buses, where would the next bus stop be that I'd have to walk to? I have held so much in growing up of this anxiety and as I've got older it hasn't helped. I guess I started avoiding things that frightened me or attempted new stuff ever since I had a panic attack in school when I was 13/14 years old. This makes me feel so ridiculous writing it down... people would think 'what the hell, just walk around until you find the stop' or 'use the app for God sake' but I hope someone will understand... I genuinely don't know how to overcome this fear. I can't see myself jumping into the deep end right away, like planning a journey and going to do it. I don't feel ready for that. Any suggestions?
Anyone at least recognise or have heard of what I'm going through? I'd really love to hear from you.

I have lost a lot of friends and family due to my anxiety and due to it stopping me from doing things, and transport is a major thing in order to stay in touch with people who are a while away or even a short while away at that. I really need help.

[gypsylee]

Hi self12

Have you seen a doctor about your anxiety?

I know what you mean about the negative family and low self-esteem.. That's at the root of my problems..

I can't even think properly right now sorry (see my "I Feel Like Shit" thread in Depression section).

Gypsy x

[self12]

Hey Gypsy,

I haven't seen the doctor. To be honest I'm scared to. It's like when you go to the GP and they ask what's your problem they expect 'sore throat' or 'have I broken my finger?' I don't even know how I'd begin to explain my anxiety... it all makes it feel even more real, it's just so hard.
Yes it really does change how you see things in life when you come from quite a negative background. But I do believe the positive life experiences will override them... I hope that you get through what you're struggling with. My aunt has depression and it's sad to see what she's going through. I was there once too, the main thing that got me out of it was by changing something drastically in my life. I started a completely new course and it diverted my mind from all the madness going on. I hope maybe that you could try that, it really is good to divert your energy on the good things x

[gypsylee]

Hey Gypsy,

I haven't seen the doctor. To be honest I'm scared to. It's like when you go to the GP and they ask what's your problem they expect 'sore throat' or 'have I broken my finger?' I don't even know how I'd begin to explain my anxiety... it all makes it feel even more real, it's just so hard.
Yes it really does change how you see things in life when you come from quite a negative background. But I do believe the positive life experiences will override them... I hope that you get through what you're struggling with. My aunt has depression and it's sad to see what she's going through. I was there once too, the main thing that got me out of it was by changing something drastically in my life. I started a completely new course and it diverted my mind from all the madness going on. I hope maybe that you could try that, it really is good to divert your energy on the good things x

Thanks Self Yeah my mother has pretty bad untreated anxiety/depression/PTSD etc and I've "worn" it basically.

[self12]

Thanks Self Yeah my mother has pretty bad untreated anxiety/depression/PTSD etc and I've "worn" it basically.

Well I wish you and your mother the very best and a healthy recovery. I know it takes time but I'm sure you can lean on one another's strength. Sometimes life can push us to rock bottom, but that's where we find the greatest treasures. Depression is hard but when we get through it, it shows us just how strong we are. Best of luck to you both Gypsy

[gypsylee]

It's true rock bottom is where we find the greatest treasures.. Like the riches in the Underworld. Been down there a few times I can tell you. Thank you for your thoughts

[self12]

It's true rock bottom is where we find the greatest treasures.. Like the riches in the Underworld. Been down there a few times I can tell you. Thank you for your thoughts

That indeed! You're welcome(: