I don't know what wrong with me. Probably I'm in depression. I want to die for 4 years. I tried to kill myself by cutting the veins but the blood clotted, I swallowed the pills but did not die. I'm tired of these attempts but I still don't want to live. As far as I know it is fine if you're visitting a psychotherapist in the UK or USA for example. But I live in another country and this fact is something negative. It makes you crazy and a psycho. My mother doesn't know that I don't want to live. I can't tell about this because it isn't normal for our society. And I know she won't tell me to go to the doctor. She will be get angry.
So I'm alone with my thoughts. It hurts me. Every day begins the same way.
I'm no longer a child and I should solve problems independently but I'm going to the bottom.
P.S. Sorry if my English is not perfect.