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  1. #1

    First Time Post - Work is Hell!!

    This is my first time posting. Never been able to express myself this way before

    Anxiety is something I've struggled badly with since school. I found it hard to make friends until the later years and then college. Now I'm 21 and settled into a new job. But recently, things have gotten worse. Admittedly, I've been struggling with my workload but now people have started talking behind my back. I go in everyday feeling like people are constantly trying to bring me down. It's a poisonous environment and I really don't know who I can trust anymore.

    I enjoy my job, but it's the people that ruin it. And the anxiety is just making things nearly unbearable at the moment. I want to get help, but I just don't know where to turn

  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    Jun 2017
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    Rack City (NY)
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    I wrote you a comment before, but it got sent into the mod pit for revision, so I'll try to do something similar but a lot shorter.

    You know the water seeks it's own level mantra? It applies to people. They hang around each other and not you because they are not like you. But that is a good thing, because since you are a good person, horrible people will not want to be your friend. Fuck em. You like this job, right? It's YOUR job, so you own that job. However, you can build your experience at said job if you like the line of work and move up to bigger and better things. While they are busy wasting their time, you are busy wasting them. If they are going out of the way to the point they are otherwise impeding your work, upper management SHOULD have your back, even if they pretend to be innocent angels. There are workers' unions and such depending on where you are and your line of work if you need them. And you have us at this forum so Do you think they are worried about you? No, so forget them.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
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    Nov 2015
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    Podunk Earth
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    What iwanttobeok said: "Fuck em." You'll find that wherever you go you have to put up with passive-aggressive back-stabbing people. Sadly, it's part of doing business unless you have a job where you can work alone.

  4. #4
    Ah i can empathize so much. My boss drives me spare and the pressure i feel grinds me down. Also shes really hot, which kinda sucks haha

  5. #5
    Senior Member
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    Aug 2011
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    Maine, United States
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    710
    Ace Of Spades, what is it that you do for a living? What type of work is it?

  6. #6
    Junior Member
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    Nov 2015
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    Solihull
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    25
    Morning All

    A lot of people struggle with work because its sometimes not just the work load itself but also the "having to socially fit in" and its exhausting...feeling like your having to be someone different just to try and fit in and be the person
    they want you to be.

    I struggle with this because i'm quite an honest person and i like to be open with people in hope they will take kind to it but sometimes it comes back and bites you...hard....sometimes its better just to come to work, brave face it and then head home...
    Granted this can be difficult but have you got friends/family you can reach out to when your struggling at work?

  7. #7
    Junior Member
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    Nov 2015
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    Solihull
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    Morning All

    A lot of people struggle with work because its sometimes not just the work load itself but also the "having to socially fit in" and its exhausting...feeling like your having to be someone different just to try and fit in and be the person
    they want you to be.

    I struggle with this because i'm quite an honest person and i like to be open with people in hope they will take kind to it but sometimes it comes back and bites you...hard....sometimes its better just to come to work, brave face it and then head home...
    Granted this can be difficult but have you got friends/family you can reach out to when your struggling at work?

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2018
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    Australia
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    201
    Society is filled with people that just say "FUCK EM!" Be careful how you project that. You'll attract it straight back. If you can't change your environment, change your approach and mindset with the people around you. Let them be who they are. You can lead a horse to water but can't force it to drink. The moral to that little saying relates to how I struggle with a lot of people in my life. Rather than summing up a lot of negative words and ill wishing (that's only going to make things worse) Accept the fact that your can't change others, but you can change how you react.

    If you truly want to stay in this position, then this could be an opportunity for you to address both the Workload and Social problems you have identified. They typically both relate in the workplace. By the way ... congratz on making the effort to use this forum in doing just that. Well Done! It takes effort to open up like so.

    I would suggest that you may consider going to your boss with these two issues. Focus more on the work load issue than the social. Perhaps identify more issues that are holding you back from your workload without relating that to the social one. Then when you comment on the social one, only do so as a small acknowledgement. This may show that your more focused on your job performance rather than being reactive to other peoples gossip. You see, it's not just about the fact that your going to bring this up with your boss, but it's more about HOW you bring this up with your boss. 99% of the success to raising issues of conflict in any business / corporation is How You Formulate Your Request, Complaint or Acknowledgements.

    Time To Nip This In The But -
    If you would allow me to give you an example:


    APPROACHING THE BOSS:
    About The Workload - Try and pick a time where your boss is not over busy. Preferably one where he or she is not under a lot of stress. That's really important:
    Be Respectful but Assertive ... not overly assertive. Just show that your serious and concerned about your current situation - show them that you want to be mature about the situation and that your job means a lot to you. If you can do that ... regardless of whatever gossip is going on, you will not only surprise your boss in a way that sets people straight, about your willingness to do your work, but also those co-workers whom I will advise on shortly. Now that we have set your intention and a little on your approach let's give an example of what you could say - then you can take that example and include whatever relevant acknowledgements that you personally identify when if you were to consider doing this yourself.

    Excuse me Mr/Miss/Misses [(I am old school) or whatever terms you are on.] I'm having some trouble with my work load. I've been struggling with X, Y & maybe Z (Come up with something other than the social aspect - even if it's just a social thing ... but find something you can relate as to having presented you with set backs - it could be issues outside of work, which is fine because it happens to the best of us OR Maybe your having trouble with whatever system of doing things ... understanding a new change that has taken place.) and as a result I have let my work slip. Is there any chance I could look into X,Y or Z (now is the time to show you have thought about some kind of solution. This part does not matter if it's applicable or not ... just as long as it appears that you put some thought not only into your problem but that your also took the some to think about a solution. The boss will appreciate that you tried)

    About the Social - In the meantime whilst I’m picking up my workload, I acknowledge that some of my co-worker are gossiping behind my back ... (if there is any bullying – now is that time to deal with it … otherwise continue with just a slight acknowledgement to briefly highlight the gossip – but move on) but that's OK for now as I’m more interested in doing my job.

    ______________________

    So Basically it looks like this:
    "Excuse me Mr/Miss/Misses, I'm having some trouble with my work load. I've been struggling with X, Y & maybe Z and as a result I have let my work slip. Is there any chance I could look into X,Y or Z. In the meantime whilst I’m picking up my workload, I acknowledge that some of my co-worker are gossiping behind my back. That’s OK for now as I’m more interested in doing my job."


    It's short, sweet and straight to the point. You have not only identified issues where you are falling behind in your work, but you also tried to come up with your own solutions. You also acknowledged the gossip but showed that your work is more important to you. Of course it will take you some time to sit down and fit your own words into it ... BUT if you approach with the right mindset and pick your time just right ... and present your situation in the above manner, I am sure you will be respected for having done so.

    What's more important is that you will rise above the negative impact that unchecked gossiping tends to take. Your co-workers will feel sense a change in the bosses attitude/dealing with you - which then may place them under the radar rather than yourself. Now you can focus on the job that you enjoy and come out the other side having grown as a person for being proactive Vs reactive.

    No need to go about feeling "arrrrr Fuck Em!" Trust me ... that will only make you and others feel worse. I understand those feelings very well. I no longer work - but the same still applies no matter what I am doing. I am still active in the community. I was a hard worker and when others did not like it - and I wanted to keep my job ... My above producer for keeping my job worked every time. Just be prepared that there will always be those that do not like workers who can to their job well and get keep in good stead with the boss. But don't worry, those types only have two choices. They either quit or they become the one's whose workload starts to decline ... eventually to a point where they get that sack.

    Something to think about I guess. In situations where the boss was unforgiving and gossip continues ... I then would choose to quit ... for my own well being. I never saw those times I quit as bad for me. Quite the opposite. I simply moved on regardless of an awaiting job or not. Better to be unemployed and sane, than a slave and in pain. Nevertheless I stand by my approach that I have outlined above for keeping jobs that I liked where co-workers became difficult. It's a simple enough approach. Identify, solutions and acknowledgments - Pick a good time to talk the boss. Then head down and move on.

    The only other things I could say is how I might find my own spot during my breaks. Those kind of dynamics also come into play. The dynamics in that can vary depending on the type of work your doing. Office Vs Factory or Field. Generally or Universally speaking ... On your own if fine, just relax and do not project negativity. Remain open to be engaged as people will come over one by one at different times to gossip. Just remain cordial/pleasant - keep things simple. I would sometimes say as little as possible because I worked so hard that I just wanted to enjoy my food and what little time was left before I headed back to work where I typically excelled. It's important to get along ... but you don't have to be extroverted of make best friends. This sadly people also get upset about and will try to pick on you like unhappy hens if one does not feed into their circle. This is where some types of jobs have their pros and cons. Deceptive people are good at deceptive jobs. Think Lawyers, Brokers and even Doctors. Most of my work was laboring or repetitive and did not require having to deceive of be in the pockets of others. I did however have to work in close quarters when doing field or factory work. Still though ... I just remained focused on what I was doing and pretty much kept to myself during my breaks. If all else fails and I want to keep the job ... I just resorted to above approach ... rinse and repeat.

    ________________________

    Srry for long post ... just trying to help. Welcome to the forum at any rate. Keep posting, I find it helps.
    Last edited by Imperfect; 08-20-2018 at 03:08 PM.

 

 

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