Its too stressful to have social relationships. Does anyone else feel like this?

[bluepaintcan123]

Over the last year or so I've come to realize that on various levels I hate everyone I'm surrounded by. Let me explain why.
It is very difficult for me to gather the energy to continue moving forward in life, so it becomes a desperate search for a reason to put any effort into living rather than just sitting there. It doesn't help that everyone in my life continue to enforce these negative beliefs about life and generally making me feel bad. They are the types of people that when someone talks about their problems, instead of trying to be sympathetic they say things like "I have it worse!" They are more concerned with what is happening to themselves and pretend to have an interest in the lives of other people.
Over genuine misunderstandings they get angry at me, and they make me hate myself even more than I already do. I feel useless around them and it makes me think there isn't a point in even socializing anymore.
All I ever do is ruin every conversation I'm a part of. I almost expect people to start yelling or criticizing me at some point in our conversations.
It's always like this, especially since I've met very few people that act differently (and even then I can barely interact with them.) I've tried to keep all of my emotions inside since I have no one to talk to (aside from my therapist, but that isn't enough) and I only feel worse.
I thought that you can confide in close friends and family, but I don't feel like that at all. I know that they will judge me and what I say, so I avoid saying anything at all. I usually don't talk and wait until they move on so I can just be alone. I don't like being alone, but it feels a lot better than being around them.

What am I doing wrong? Why does it feel like everyone hates me? Why is it only me that can't socialize normally? Is there even a point to socializing?

[gypsylee]

I have to get going, so I can't write much atm. But last night I started watching the Netflix series "13 Reasons Why". I've read the book but the series brings the characters to life, and I was kind of freaked out by how "sassy" these young people are. I realised I'm the age of the parents in the show and it's hard to explain how I felt about the teenagers, but they just didn't "sit right" with me. I guess I felt like being young must be a lot harder these days..

[Ponder]

Its not healthy to engage in relations that lead to dragging one or others down. That sure is draining. Putting aside all judgments, blaming and personalizing can help to see the negativity as it unfolds. It's hard not to get caught up. I feel many of us here can identify with these toxic episodes for the way they unfold and how all involved end up feeling to some degree. It can become a feeding frenzy on all sides.

Close friends and family often take liberties, the sense of freedom they feel with us tends to see no boundaries or they just wind up exploiting ones that they should be respecting. This is the other side of the coin where family and close friends are not always the best choice to confide in.

Another aspect to consider is that when we ourselves are feeling depleted ... that we become irritable and are easily set off. That fact alone can make us easy targets for others whom also are feeling somewhat pissed off and would like nothing better than to set another off. Understanding the process helps us to step back whilst all the shit is flying where silence is often a powerful ploy. Yet ploy is not such a nice word as it tend towards resistance which is what you really don't want to be doing in these kind of situations.

Silence is best where one is best able to think of the least damning responses ... it also highlight anothers behavior when they are no longer getting negative reactions.

From this point it's good to reassess just how much time you wish to be around these folk and consider future exit strategies and in the moment strategies.

I see no good coming from continually blaming others for wishing to be dead or in Netflix's case actually being dead - by instilling and using fear as is my take on 13 reasons why. (although just a tool to make others see how they played) Just thought I would throw that in gypsy as I could not really get into that series and switched for what I thought to be a more proactive approach with Anne With an E! (I'm sure I was missing something with 13 reasons why - might pick it back up not sure) No doubt I am sure there is some kind of moral that one could tune into ... however ... drama leads to whatever agenda.

Anyways ... YES ... in social relations can indeed be very stressful. When that happens it helps to seek time out, catch the negativity as its happening, implement copping and if need be exit strategies. Once you get better at seeing things as they unfold, you may be better able to steer the direction of negativity towards something more neutral ... something less draining. Remember we are also mirrors and attract much of what we see in others. Disconnect and depersonalize when things get too hot. Seek only to connect when your strong enough to steer otherwise move on and don't allow your mind to fester on all that negativity.

How we respond is key.
That's it in a nut shell really. I am SO trying to learn this when getting caught up with my own friends and family. It really goes a long way to dis-empowering the negative energy that is so quick to spread like fire when we allow it to. Instead of giving you a book recommendation which I know can be tiresome ... especially when we feel drained. Allow me to share the following vid I found that relates to an awesome book that once helped me.

I just typed out a little story/quote that explains the process of liberating ourselves so that others do not exploit us and or we allow ourselves to be overwhelmed:

A chief is talking to his tribe about two dogs inside his mind. One a white dog that is good and courageous. The other a black dog that is vengeful and angry. Both dogs are fighting to the death. A young brave unable to wait until the end of the story asks, “Which one will win?” The chief responds, “The one I feed.”
(Colors not very tactful but you get the point)

Here is the video that explains it really well. Think in terms of how much easier it is to tolerate others when we are able to regulate our own emotions during whatever social situations. This also remind me of a quote I got from "Stargate SG1" Teal'c: To resist the influence of others, knowledge of ones self is most important. Meaning it really pays to take the time and learn about ourselves .. how we operate and so on.

I hope you give this video a little time ... keep your hear open as you listen on. We really are our own worst enemies. Once I have come to see this, I am more able to be make friends with myself and thus ... more appealing to others as a result. Somthing like that. Please excuse me as I am very tired ... time for me sleep. Here's that video clip/interview with Dr Judith Orloff ... energy psychiatrist:



For those interested:
http://www.drjudithorloff.com/Free-A...e-Emotions.htm

[iwanttobeok]

Yes, reactions very much are key, especially if you are putting up a front anyways and are simply reaffirming your feelings about the situation to yourself. You end up needing a mental detox from all the buildup I laughed at the comment about the red text btw. Focusing on solutions helps to feel that something is being done, whether it is practicing deflecting negative energies or just leaving the scene haha

[Eliza97]

You are definitely not the only one! I feel the exact same way which is why I don't open up to people now (except for this forum). I think what you could do is find a different kind of group of friends, people who share the same conflict as you.

[The Intolerable Kid]

I feel the same way. Socializing with people consumes a lot of energy, I find it fatiguing. It also seems like people are more easily offended these days and expect you to walk on egg shells around them. I just spent a 4 day holiday weekend with just my spouse and dog for company - I was perfectly happy. It's nothing to be ashamed of, some of us don't need a crowd of people around us.

[Barong Baj Baj]

Its not healthy to engage in relations that lead to dragging one or others down. That sure is draining. Putting aside all judgments, blaming and personalizing can help to see the negativity as it unfolds. It's hard not to get caught up. I feel many of us here can identify with these toxic episodes for the way they unfold and how all involved end up feeling to some degree. It can become a feeding frenzy on all sides.

Close friends and family often take liberties, the sense of freedom they feel with us tends to see no boundaries or they just wind up exploiting ones that they should be respecting. This is the other side of the coin where family and close friends are not always the best choice to confide in.

Another aspect to consider is that when we ourselves are feeling depleted ... that we become irritable and are easily set off. That fact alone can make us easy targets for others whom also are feeling somewhat pissed off and would like nothing better than to set another off. Understanding the process helps us to step back whilst all the shit is flying where silence is often a powerful ploy. Yet ploy is not such a nice word as it tend towards resistance which is what you really don't want to be doing in these kind of situations.

Silence is best where one is best able to think of the least damning responses ... it also highlight anothers behavior when they are no longer getting negative reactions.

From this point it's good to reassess just how much time you wish to be around these folk and consider future exit strategies and in the moment strategies.

I see no good coming from continually blaming others for wishing to be dead or in Netflix's case actually being dead - by instilling and using fear as is my take on 13 reasons why. (although just a tool to make others see how they played) Just thought I would throw that in gypsy as I could not really get into that series and switched for what I thought to be a more proactive approach with Anne With an E! (I'm sure I was missing something with 13 reasons why - might pick it back up not sure) No doubt I am sure there is some kind of moral that one could tune into ... however ... drama leads to whatever agenda.

Anyways ... YES ... in social relations can indeed be very stressful. When that happens it helps to seek time out, catch the negativity as its happening, implement copping and if need be exit strategies. Once you get better at seeing things as they unfold, you may be better able to steer the direction of negativity towards something more neutral ... something less draining. Remember we are also mirrors and attract much of what we see in others. Disconnect and depersonalize when things get too hot. Seek only to connect when your strong enough to steer otherwise move on and don't allow your mind to fester on all that negativity.

How we respond is key.
That's it in a nut shell really. I am SO trying to learn this when getting caught up with my own friends and family. It really goes a long way to dis-empowering the negative energy that is so quick to spread like fire when we allow it to. Instead of giving you a book recommendation which I know can be tiresome ... especially when we feel drained. Allow me to share the following vid I found that relates to an awesome book that once helped me.

I just typed out a little story/quote that explains the process of liberating ourselves so that others do not exploit us and or we allow ourselves to be overwhelmed:

A chief is talking to his tribe about two dogs inside his mind. One a white dog that is good and courageous. The other a black dog that is vengeful and angry. Both dogs are fighting to the death. A young brave unable to wait until the end of the story asks, “Which one will win?” The chief responds, “The one I feed.”
(Colors not very tactful but you get the point)

Here is the video that explains it really well. Think in terms of how much easier it is to tolerate others when we are able to regulate our own emotions during whatever social situations. This also remind me of a quote I got from "Stargate SG1" Teal'c: To resist the influence of others, knowledge of ones self is most important. Meaning it really pays to take the time and learn about ourselves .. how we operate and so on.

I hope you give this video a little time ... keep your hear open as you listen on. We really are our own worst enemies. Once I have come to see this, I am more able to be make friends with myself and thus ... more appealing to others as a result. Somthing like that. Please excuse me as I am very tired ... time for me sleep. Here's that video clip/interview with Dr Judith Orloff ... energy psychiatrist:



For those interested:
http://www.drjudithorloff.com/Free-A...e-Emotions.htm

Absolutley love this response. Your a legend

[TuesdayBlue]

In cases like yours, the best thing could be to integrate with others in a very controlled setting, over a long period. I've found that working at a nice restaurant allows one to get to know the other staff members in a setting where you're busy and doesn't feel like the spotlight is on.

Good luck

[equiiaddict]

I completely get what you mean. The older I get, the more I realize that I'm perfectly content with my fiancé, a handful of close friends that I see occasionally, and a few immediate family members in my life and that's it. Socializing IS draining and most of the time it ends up not being worth it to me.