Getting Back On The Perch! - MY EXERCISE ROUTINE - Come Walk With Me.

[Ponder]

Video Game Vlog ... 'The Talos Principle.' [Philosophical Puzzle Game] Hey Guys ... Had a good day! My son is home from South Korea with his partner and now staying at my place for about a week. After he found out I've been using steam games to do some of my Vlogs, he authorized me to use his library of games whilst he is offline That means I now have access to over 235 games. WooHooooo! Can't wait to try some games out before purchasing a few for myself. A good way to demo I guess but with full access.

I manage to upload a fairly decent render of The Talos Principle. It starts off missing a beat - My Bad as the saying go although for some reason I really don't feel that bad about. :P - I typically DO NOT edits my vids as 'I make a point' to just upload my vids:
as is! ... I'll think about it if I ever get serious about having a dedicated channel for the sake of getting more hits. I did make a good attempt with several rendors to respect the quality graphics this game was showing up on my laptop. The file size I chose for the upload really holds it back, however that said ... it's better than my usual allowance when it comes to my usual uploads.

Hmmm ... just checking it out now ... I think I will have to get my hands on Sony Vegas. Anyways check out this awesome game below as I work out the puzzles in an 10 minute dash to the temple where my journey ends, but really begins:



Another Link:
http://www.devolverdigital.com/games...alos-principle
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... and to top things off I also scored a wind chime from a Temple in South Korea:
Those bells ring for quite some time.

[Ponder]

Looks like my son is staying for a while with his partner while they look for work and a place to live near by. I'm happy about that, however already finding it hard diet wise. I was struggling as it was, but now have decided to kind of give up trying to get back to supper clean. In fact ... I'm kind of letting go and will see where that leads. The lad and I did agree to work out together here at home ... but I have heard that one before.

Worst comes to worst ... I will have a brand new challenge all over again. I'm just hoping it won't be like losing 30kg all over again. *&^% that shit!

I need to ease up on the junk food though ... my body is breaking out with that crap. I know how easy it is to desensitize as well so watching out for that to be sure. That's the tipping point that leads to hell!

Night Night ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[Ponder]

Some light-hearted fun! A video about Dad's Prune Juice.

Staring Dad, Son & Daughter.

[Ponder]

I thought it might be a good idea to duplicate this post in my thread as the General Section does not tale long to push down posts not really meant for discussion. In the interest of those that would like to know more about me, you can do so at the following links where I did a collaboration with another AF forum member [ http://anxietyforum.net/forum/member...Barong-Baj-BajBarong Baj Baj ] on his you-tube channel.
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The following is a three part series of an interview between myself and Barong on his YouTube Mental Health Channel where Barong interviews various people who struggle, live with and come to make the most of living with mental illness. Many of the interviews (as is the case with the following) are done within a relaxing open world environment using various PC games. It's good to see more members using Youtube to share and help others. If your interested in taking part on Barongs or even my channel, please don't hesitate to PM us from within this forum. If you just want to hear other peoples stories from likewise peers, then sit back relax and check out the following vids and or check out Barongs Channel for more interesting and fun videos.


1. Getting to Know me a bit

2. My mental health story

3. Some positives going on in your life


In order to promote this kind of outreach and encourage further participation, please like and subscribe. TY.

[martin05]

I wonder if this is a forum first, a video collaboration!

I'll have a watch now, seeing as I can't get to sleep and it's like 3am. Speaking of sleep, if you ever want to add a few tips to a video, anything that's worked for you, that'd be awesome. Poor sleep has been the bane of my life tbh.

[Ponder]

Noted. Sound like a topic to me. One that is often brought up in here. I'm kind of too tired to get started on that. LOL @ the irony. I do hope your able to recharge sooner than later. I kind of do too much or not enough. Balance is still very hard. This morning I did a round trip of 50 minutes of solid cycling with a 40 minute minute run at the half way point doing laps around the hockey oval. The day before I started a new resistance program on my back porch:

I made an animation so I would not forget my routine but forgot to include 2 exercises, which kind of validates the need to start recording what works for me. (below is sped up due to missing frames ... I'm big on going slow and correct form! Funnily enough I see people exercising like this at the gym) Do enough of this combined with cycling, walking, trotting and various other activities like outdoor exposure and what not ... you'll eventually sleep:

Hmmm ... Helps me at any rate. The trick is to be consistent and not go overboard. Of course there is a LOT more to the puzzle living in the complex world. I'm coming to see more and more now, that perhaps I'm not the hard and complex case I am made out to be, but that it's more a case of the world that complicates things that winds up those living in it to a point that leaves them out of sync.

Yea ... Is a good topic Martin. I see what I can throw together. Thanks for bringing it up.

Much appreciated.

Once again ... I hope this finds you well rested.

[Ponder]

Hey Martin ... Care to elaborate any more on how sleep has been difficult for you over the long term?

Your a reasonable active person if I have read some of your previous posts correctly? Worry can be a barrier to sleep big time. Trying to determine between the build up of worry over a period of time which no doubt adds to sleep interruptions Vs say Major Anxiety over a job interview & or traumatic event that's reliving in ones head are note worthy things when identifying barriers.

Generally speaking Sleeping is reported to be an issue for even the most stable of us. Sign of the times! Just overheard a news report about a watermelon farm that would not let their workers take time to drink water during their 3 hour stint of picking. ← Here in Australia! This resulted in one of the workers dying from heat stroke. Crazy that we have places that get away with such extreme rules in order to push people to their limits in order to get MORE out of them. What's more is that we often do it to ourselves as well.

There's a million things these days that get in the way of our sleep. If it's not others pushing us so hard or ourselves, it's generally the exposure to high energy surroundings with constant loud noise of the most unnatural kind and of course our toxic diets + our modern multitasking patterns of over thinking.

How to put all that into focus and come up with a few tips? Hmmmm

I guess the first place to start is to assess one's own predispositions with any or all of the above in mind.
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When in doubt -

[Ponder]

Struggling a bit tonight ... My grandson is having more episodes with muscular tension around his eyes and headaches that have him in curled up in a ball and in tears for 15 minute bouts. Headaches are rare for kids his age. Getting him tested is going to be hard as his ASD tendencies are becoming quite strong. He is extremely touch sensitive! His first appointment with a private pediatrician is finally tomorrow. (Has seen a lot of doctors building up to that) As a grandparent there is much outside my control and it tears me apart to see my grandson in so much pain. I also fear for the stigma that awaits with regard to compulsory schooling + the unsupervised visits where he has already come back injured twice. Yes ... the whole family court saga and welfare risk assessment is still under investigation and requires much support from my wife and I. The systemic nature of it all reflects well the residual effect of our 'less than ideal' IDEALS. Rolls eyes ...


Looks like another long trip to a hospital with the right equipment once again. We all have to go as the little one who is the focus this time round needs his mother to be supported, and then my wife requires that I support her due to her illness ...
... then of course there is mine. Who's going to support me?


Its fucking hard to endure all this. To see the little one in pain like that and then also see my daughter buckling under the pressure of it all. If it's not enough with her 3 year old having been beaten by the one who's now been given permission to have access, then on top of that she's been brow beaten by the courts. I thought the oppression would ease up once my kids left school but our society would see it that the suffering never ends for those that don't fit the mold. The drain on my wife could be worse, yet in many ways is just has hard to see her sapped like so. Thankfully my other kids are getting by well enough ... although under the illusion of work and white picket fence paving the way. That said ... I'm pleased the're not suffering in the same way as the little one, his mum and my wife and I. However I know all is not as smooth as may be perceived early on ... time will temper the truth as it must come for each of them.

For now though ... YEA ... Poor little 3 yold kid having massive head aches, little seizures and then under all that stress with the courts and high risk visitations.

How the fuck do I sleep?

Good question!
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I seek to unplug ... My time is nearly done. Nearly 50 ... 49 come this February. Only 20 more years ... maybe less. At least soon I will have 50 notches on my belt. Each one like a death of sorts. A lifetime represented with each knot carved on my belt. I kind of wonder if my brother is reborn as my grandson.

My Brothers death was around the same time the little one was born. Imagine that ... passive suicide reborn into the more extreme autistic of the clan with painful seizures and a prolonged childhood under the stress of high risk visitations due to broken family ... systemic eternal deterioration on the principle of degradation as some kind of spiritual lesson? I would like to think not ... although there are many punishment systems of belief that would have us think / fear to such a way ... OR ... we perceive like so as part of our own distorted view from living a life of suffering and not yet learned.

Hmmm getting tired now ... like I said ... I think only 20 more years to go. Just 20 ... then maybe then ... I won't have the capacity to worry like so.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Night night.

[Ponder]

This really made me stop and think:



A bit of an irony in the sense it almost makes me 'scared' to say 'I' at all. So without further ado → 'I' only got 1/3rd of the way through before falling asleep. hmmmm ... It's hard to to say the word I when utilizing a personal diary; public or not. I also question that one still requires space for self in order to clear out blockages that result this aspect of selfish desires, feeding the ego and likewise negative attention all focused on self.

BUT YEA! ... this resonates so much because I for sure fit this build as much as I have complained, bitched and moaned about whatever other than self. I guess I or 'one' (I now see how the term ''one' can fit the mold when wishing to avoid the false self - I/Ego) - [No, I don't really see a healthy ego]) should listen to the other two thirds of this video whilst out on my run.

It's very hard not to fear and not to project. I pay careful attention to this aspect with my children in mind. I am especially being very careful of this with my grandson ... BUT ... despite holding back words ... I guess the energy of fear says enough.

Not stuff I wish to hear ... but part of the process in order to get to the other side of learning how selfish the ego really is but more importantly; what love really is. How the monkey mind seems to resist when hearing the message on selfish living yet it makes a lot of sense when one considers the world/system/simulation in which we live. I can't help be feel - something has to give!..where 'Being & Giving' seem to be the take home message in above vid as opposed to doing and taking which be that world in which most of us live.


Love and Fear ... Consider learning this context it in the above vid. No pressure ... just sharing is all.




Righto ... time for my run.

[Ponder]

It was a good run with plenty of sweat. Enjoyed very much.

The only thing I would say did not sit quite well in the above presentation for me was Tom's claim that sometimes violence is required. I'm not sure someone who has truly suffered a violent upbringing would do well adopting violence. I don't think Gandhi used violence to whom he refers. At least not in the sense of fighting by means of inflicting pain back onto others. Reflection techniques no doubt reflect pain, but the use violence from those of us that have suffered and greatly affected with mental illness ... If such byproduct resorts to using violence as some kind of means to love ... well let's just say it will result in anything but love. As for the rest ... I found many insights from said talk.