Getting Back On The Perch! - MY EXERCISE ROUTINE - Come Walk With Me.

[Ponder]

Back home ... seen a doctor for what that's worth ... have to up the hygiene routine as body is caving in to tinea complications re my skin. I've done well with my mindset for the most part, it's just my body giving in. Since being updated with more as to the court family assessor's attitude, 'victimization' does not even come close when terming the power mongering and abuse that goes on with such judicial systems. Long story short, tis the clinical system that feeds and creates it's own problems.

Today I am off for some peer based psycho socialization where we create our own solutions. FUCK THE LAW OF THE LAND AND EVERY IDEAL IT'S FOUNDED ON! Fuck you too if your a flag flying patriot & or bible thumper that subscribes to such BS notions. The more you victimize the more toxic your problem. Such a system does more to tear apart families than all this BS about welfare agencies boasting how they are for keeping them together.

I'm still venting to be sure. I have another granddaughter that I have not talked about but the truth is I just don't have the capacity to take that little one on board. That little one is tied up in a hell of her own with another family doing what they can to stabilize that boat. Best I can do is be there for my eldest son. I stand by my claim regarding these young professionals that get about in the system as they do looking out for their own interest with little regard for the lives that they abuse. It's an abusive system point blank. I aim to detach with my only inclination being still tied up in it all being that of grandsons force visitations to the byproduct of this BS system.

Righto ... time for coffee then on 'me'bike and off I go to mingle with affected peers like myself.

FTW!

[Ponder]

I had a good day @ Bike Group. Despite all the shit I have written about ... I still went out and did something. I'm glad I did. I may currently hate this pathetic world and those that live in it ... but I own the way I feel ... I choose to feel this way and if feels fucking great to accept the way I feel. Fuck Yea!!!!

That's my evening therapy.

Moving On - Loves Yas!

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Well that was cool. Just listened to the casini space probe plunging 75000+kph into saturn. That mission outdating most users in here. Here's to the next mission.

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Feeling a little more spirited. I put together the following as my post for tonight:

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Morning Post - Text To Speech. TTS: Acceptance & Moving On.

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Tis important ... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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Going to try a new group. See if I can fill my days up a little more. Is good to hang out with peers that reciprocate. This journal is good for some things, but kind of lacks when it comes to feedback. Although the voices in my head are doing a good enough job of that. For now at least.

[Ponder]

I really enjoyed the group I participated in today. I started by taking a couple of photos before engaging with others. The following is a snap shot of the park table where we later sat, had a good chat, some coffee and a few biscuits. We also kicked a ball back and forth as well as went for a walk:



The psycho socialization is something that I highly value. This is a new group I am trying out. I have men's group tomorrow and then a course by the same mental health service the day after + bike group the second day after that. The best thing I liked about today's group is the outdoor setting. It's about a 40 minute drive from where I live. I rode my bike to the centre where I met with a few others and we where then driven to location and met with other locals in that area. I was informed today was a small group being 5 in total. Sometimes they have up to ten. Lately most of the groups I have been attending are usually around 6 attendees which is a sweet spot for me. I don't mind larger groups though as I like being around like minded peers. I am very lucky to live in a place that has a peer based support centre. Peer based operations like the one I attend are a rarity. I've been struggling with mental health most of my life and been frequenting many different kind of centres from a host of drug and alcohol rehabilitation centres, church related mental health groups, court refereed appointments and various other group therapy based organizations all of which were based on a clinical model that had nothing to do with a peer based model.

The peer based model I am referring to is best summed up with the following book:
Intentional Peer Support: An Alternative Approach

I'm still yet to read the book. I am however very close to finishing IPS course via the centre I attend. The course is based on the book and pretty much the framework that the centre I attend bases its work ethic on when dealing with 'clients' such as myself. I have no intention of becoming a peer worker as such, but do see myself as a valued peer that has much to offer from a reference point as remaining an ongoing client.

In my opinion as soon as I adopt the official role as 'peer worker' it kind of goes down hill from there. I'd like to explain further as it's not so much a case of lack of confidence on my part to which has been brought to my attention many times in the same way I already mentioned being commonly identified and misinterpreted as a 'strong individual' re resilience. It's where I find the Peer in Peer Based concepts falters due to in house politics despite the well thought out frame works as detailed in said book. Additional rules hem me in and change the nature of who I really be ... if I was to accept a formal role of 'peer worker' ... in fact it happens in any kind of J - O - B ... as commonly termed and administrated in our complex society.

None the less ... Peer Base Mental Health Concepts are an awesome branch when not associated with historical rigid and idealist ways of doing things. I'll never fit in ... ever ... to those kind of ways of doing things. I don't mind the community spirit of such establishments, but will always reject being hemmed in.

Enough said. I know I repeat myself ... but so do the greats like good old Eckhart Tolle and Jon kabat zinn. Of course they say it way way better than I can. Essentially I just don't fit into this far far from perfect world. I've grown to walk the other way without caring what others think. If I was to accept some kind of role as in playing some kind of part in contributing; it would be to lead others astray! In terms of what most think as normal living. I now only wish to mix with hard and complex cases not discounting those considered as 'special'. In fact I much prefer to hang with those of us considered retarded and look to avoid normal in the same way I avoid riding my bicycle on the road.

I think that's a wrap for now ... best get my last part of my routine out of the way ... ruminate, relax a little more and then perhaps make one more share before hitting the sack.

[Ponder]

Elyssia - In Starlight: New age music with beautiful female vocals

Nice Vibes, Nice Voice, Nice lyrics and Nice visuals.

Lyrics:
And we stand in Starlight on this world
All the things to come yet unfurled
Many secret moments neath the skies
As we stand in Starlight on this world


Hear me know, for I do sing to thee
Ever sweet, yet distantly
In a sound for souls so lost and far
Listen now and come to sing with me


Say you when, your troubles filled your heart?
There I be to wish them depart
In the starlit sky all shadows die
As we stand in starlight on this world


Ahhhhh etc

[Ponder]

Woke up very early this morning and decided to ride with yesterdays good vibes by rendering the following drawing:



Just got some steel cut oats on the stove. I love my oats. Sun is warming up now. Will do my ritual breakfast in the morning sun and a little meditation.

The stress never seems to stop but I guess it's all in the approach. I was thinking triggers are not the be end all. Build up of stress and how we let that affect us is probably just as much an issues as addressing triggers. Although ... undoubtedly they go together as surely as the mind and body.

Yesterday I took the little fella to the library whilst mum and nanna attended the solicitors office re the ongoing family court saga. When I pulled up in the car park the little guy started to melt down because I had not parked in the right spot. Not quite sure where he wanted me to park I tried another position. Third time lucky I arrived in the same spot the last couple of times we had visited. Finally we could disembark from the vehicle and trek on into the library. The workers there at times give my grandson and I a little attitude as I typically ignore others when looking on wondering why the little one needs to be so vocal when expressing. I just join in with him matching his vocals as I help to answer his passionate questions.

I get a text that it's time to leave which usually takes me another 10 minutes of full on tactful persuasion before we can leave. He gets really attached when we arrive somewhere and is not so quick to just be upheaved. I don't blame him really ... I'm pretty much the same. Wrong world ... definitely wrong world. I just hope when this kids father gets a hold of him for unsupervised visits, that he learns quick ... you don't push these kids. No doubt he will try to break his spirit like most other establishments do when enforcing their ways. That about pretty much sums up this world.

Sigh ... No matter. My other half is struggling today. It's just one appointment to the next. She is more upset how the court assessor cut despite our daughters letter from psychologist advising that our daughter needed support during information session where details are sort. Again ... the system enforcing its own agenda over so called best interest. Fuck em all ... fuck the snotty nose library workers, the court officials and every other pen pushing brow beating brown nose self centered self righteous fucker.
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Righto ... time for my oats and recharge in the sun. I got some more socializing to be done.