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  1. #81
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    Got a call from a guy worried about the drug testing for welfare recipients, then went on about the marginalization and resulting mental health needs perpetuated by a system which is running short on prisons. Very much like the revolving door scenario that watts talks about in above video linked. No body wants to hear or see these things; they just want the quick fix ... which of course plays to the snake that's caught up eating its tail. I've often been told to stop exposing the futility of these would be professionals that many claim others MUST see ... in order to have the heads read; so that they may see. "Then what is the answer!!!" They cry. You give them one and the best they can fathom, is such a summery comes from under a tin foil hat. Again we have a double bind:


    _______________

    I really like the part about the overcomplication that comes from our need for explanation. More so by the way Watts pulls apart those terms that we are so quick to define. The whole thing about delegating authority being done in a way that's based on trust. That really helped put things into perspective. Not exactly how we treat each other today ... especially true when I think about my mate that called me up to discuss the whole drug testing issue for those receiving welfare ... yadda yadda. Is what it is ... just another snake as depicted above.

    Excellent perspective into religion!!! I really needed that. I'll definitely have to listen to this a few more times just as I do with Eckhart.

    Love the concept of the inside and outside view where each is obstructed from the other. Great insights into the mundane monk that gets board with the void compared to practitioners who are alive from having come back from deep space. One uses for medical reasons compared to the other who uses as a life long crutch. (Good use for the term medicine) Something like that. That why I have no problem staring into space whilst mid sentence. More an issue for others who struggle with time. ... Dave ... DAVE!!! Ya there Mate. BACK srry was collecting the answer but I'll keep it under my hat - given its made out of foil and all that.

    OK time to go take the little one out of a walk ... then do some spiritual practice down at the gym. Laughs out loud. Off to do without doing anything at all ... as is my choice. What's yours?

    Adios until next post.
    Last edited by Ponder; 05-14-2017 at 04:41 PM.

  2. #82
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    At the risk of coming across as completely nuts (if not already) by posting so often in one day - I got good news with how things unfolded this morning at the gym. I ended up touching base face to face with the guy who oversees the gym. He thanked me for not letting people come in without the popper entry cards and we both agreed the volume of the music appears to change as the background noise of people and machines is less during quiet times. Meaning just seems louder when really it's the same. I did not push it and accepted that I would work with whats in my head. The issue is raised and they made a point to turn it down. ANYWAYS ... things got better from there:

    I thought I saw the guy that attempted to push past me yesterday. I felt compelled to go up and reason my rigid response and then apologize. Unfortunately it was not him, ("Srry Mate - Wrong Guy") he says. Then this guys mate sitting beside him gives validation for not letting others in without the proper entry card and then goes onto to say "apology accepted!" LOL ... which is what we all did.

    SO ... in between my sets I see another guy that looked that the fellow I was seeking. "Hey Mate ... You the guy that was trying to get in yesterday?" .............. BINGO it was him:

    Long story short - He is not much different from me. Talk about doing a full circle! I explained yesterday after he had me in a jam that I was just another member in the community that was mentally f%#*d before jumping in my car and telling him I was still srry for not letting him in. This morning he seemed thankful that I had searched him out as he went on to explain that he too also suffers when out and about. He actually has a DX of ASD. Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a condition that affects a person’s ability to interact with the world around them...

    Anyways we kind of just gelled while others did there thing ...

    It was a good morning and I think that talk I listened to this morning really helped. Time for lunch.

    Adios until next post. : )
    Last edited by Ponder; 05-14-2017 at 08:20 PM.

  3. #83
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    The potential for healing is rather high once the following message sinks in. For me ... I can take in my surroundings in a less fearful way; once I remind myself of what it is that our human conditioning does not want us to see:

    Alan Watts - Abnormal Awareness:

    "...Then he defined cotension as another form of awareness which you might call a certain kind of openness, in which you realise that the external world is just as much you, as anything inside your skin ... and that you are not something that comes into this world on probation and doesn't really belong. ← This is you see the attitude that we foster in the child. ... BUT that you are something not that comes into the world but something that comes out of it. In the same way that a flower comes out of a plant, or a fruit comes out of a tree. That you are an expression, you as a human being are a symptom of nature ... and that you really belong there and that furthermore your actually self, what is finally and fundamentally you is not ... a separate and lonely part of the world, but the real you is the world itself, everything that there is expressing itself as this particular organism here and now and of course as you look across the room as all these other organisms in their here and now; we are all tits on the same sow. If I may put it so crudely, or if you want to put it more poetically - raised from the same sun."




    I think the trick is to gently hold this concept and embed these images into our hearts whilst navigating the maze of concrete that's slowly suffocating our world. In this respect I can see why it is that teachers like Tolle quote:
    - "Evolve or Die!"

    Night Night ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

  4. #84
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    Bit of a let down for me today at the centre I attend. Their website advertises that they can help with employment. I went in all positive like to speak about employment and the first thing I was told "It's hard enough to get a job in the area as is." Two things hit home with this. 1. As is ... means fully functional people have a hard time getting a job as is let alone someone that's not "as is." 2. I was expecting a little more support and could not help but think that was a negative reply given their position and mine?

    It's taken me a LOT of resolve to start thinking about employment not having had a job in ten years; and that's the best response I get when I walk in the door ready to ask for help? That relly sucked. My participation in group that day really took a hit.
    _____________________________

    _____________________________________________

    Last time I made a complaint I felt like all the staff at the centre hated my guts. There is no need to make this a big issue. The staff members name is *** and the other staff member present was call ****. I could not find an email to take this up with them so am writing this because I think it's better to explain how this has made me feel rather than take it out on either myself or someone else.

    I've been researching hard to find out what my rights are and what assistance I can get. I've been working on my motivation and up till then was feeling pretty good. I realise I will be faced with challenges taking such a huge step as I require ongoing support in the workplace as someone who qualifies for "Employment Support Service" as termed by the Australian DES.

    If I had not had my paper work together and all excited about a positive discussion; I guess I would of cared less. Having attended the center regularly and now known well by everyone, this rather pessimistic reply ... well let's just say I think it's time to give your centre another break. I don't care if there is not enough work as is ... I'm sure someone out there will appreciate my motivation to at least try.
    __________________________

    SIGH
    l had to email that because I am really pissed of said response. Today I was wondering why I felt so toxic. I had to really try hard not be negative in group. I think I did pretty good all things considered and if anything I am feeling more spurred on to find some "work" ... but not sure If I will look for the paid kind. The thing is if they really knew what their website promotes, they would of encouraged me and at least started talking about the possibility of upskilling. Its all there on their website. It's quite pathetic now that I think about it. I guess that staff member was having a bad day. That's what I am usually told when conflicts like this arise. No matter ... perhaps the cosmos is letting me know its time to give that place a break and look towards more encouraging places.

    ___________

    Now to find something to end on that instills some kind of hope. I know hope is not often viewed as optimal with conspiracy theories that get trapped in future; but I sure could use some in the here and now:



    Seriously
    ...I highly recommend putting on a good set of headphones and hit play on the vid below!!!

    Nice TUNES --- very relaxing!!! I've got an good pair of headphones to ride these waves:


    Need to put this on a loop. Awesome tunes actually.

    Here's to a better day tomorrow. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzz
    Last edited by Ponder; 05-16-2017 at 04:07 AM.

  5. #85
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    Well whaddayaknow ... I was contacted to come on in by another agency about my goals. Positive vibes straight off the bat. (I sent in that draft letter I posted a page or two back) It was from my old mentor who's the team leader of the personal helpers program. Now were talking!

    I don't regret writing the letter of complaint last night. I had to do what I had to do in order to keep my vibe. Something else happened in that group yesterday that's now makes me realize that I need be mindful of continual exposure to the somber atmosphere that's atypical of recovery groups. Despite trying to lighten the mood, in which then the therapy kind of becomes more like games - when one moves on, there is the risk of regression that comes from repeated exposure to groups that are more depressive, too serious, lack hope and so so. I've notice this happens a bit with the guy that was rather negative about my attempts to look for work. I'm not going to quit group ... but I am going to take a break and make sure my usual visits have me in a good state better to handle such somber moods. I spotted another mentor from yet another agency that was looking rather depressed as well. He must of been tired which is how I suddenly felt after having the wind knocked out of my sail before starting group. Once you get a few people feeling that way in those therapy groups ... it can be hard to keep recovery focused despite others making excellent points, contributing well and feeling fine. Something like that. Time to take a break and find support some place else. I just have to remember some of these points if and when they call.

    Righto ... time for Gym ... then on with my day.


  6. #86
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    BIG day and feeling exhausted. Caught up with my old mentor in his office. He seemed really happy to see me. We had a great brain storming session and looks like I will be going back on the program although have to wait on the list. Just need one more session with him to iron out some of the kinks ... make sure we are doing the right thing and get the timing right with the upcoming NDIS application. Getting his backing with the new updated DX and implementing a few other things re my goals with appropriate supports ... yadda yadda ... Is all looking good! Just like I said ... ya got to build ya case

    One of the goals we talked about is me looking to get back into Disability/Aged Support. As well as doing disability I also worked in the Aged Care Industry. I keep saying Industry because sadly that's how most people are treated ... like pieces of equipment in need of maintenance and then it's straight off to the next subject on the conveyor belt.

    This is a reality that no one likes to discus as to do say is considered speaking negatively. Is why I did not last long working for firms that work solely for profit. That is to say where social engagement is low on the list, but getting in and out is paramount. I once worked for a company called Spiritus... sadly they did not have much spirit because when I gave a little of mine in between vacuuming, cleaning and so on ... I was promptly told not to spend time engaging. I remember that clear as a bell. I said goodbye to the old lady who loved the new guy who always talked - ME - pulled out my phone, called my wife for a lift and waited calmly outside as I just quit!!!

    Bluecare - Another "Carers" corporation ... drive their cars around like lunatics. Once the government pulled some funds from a friend of mine that was bed ridden for the rest of her life, she became quite withdrawn when the nurses stopped engaging. No more small talk ... its was just a case of IN & OUT! Hello **** ... on the hoist, into the wheel chair, turn on the hose, back to the hoist, on the bed - change the pads ... meanwhile another nurse quickly flying about ... Bobs you uncle ... Srry can't chat ... GotoRUN. The more these corporations go on about how great they are and the more they take on, the less able they are able to engage. = INDUSTRY with rosy mission statement.

    HMMMM ... so why the hell I am going back into the support role? Excellent question I am now asking myself.

    I guess because I enjoy supporting others. This time I have the benefit of experience and know better which support roles to avoid and which ones to focus on. (Where my strengths lay) I'll also be going into the support role as someone who's also being supported himself. Different kettle of fish this time around. Alas the training is gong to no doubt be hard. Certification has gone nuts which kind of restricts the amount of people with lived experience at least in terms of mental health. That's another story ... ZZZZZZZZzzzz right now. Just freestyling. I remember seeing one student with a speech problem struggling in a course being put off to the side and left all alone. When I was struggling the attending facilitator was rather abruptly in asking me would I like to join the other all alone. I responded "NO - he is not getting any help, which is what I require!" SIGH. Frustration reigns with how I see black and white (actually I see a lot beyond that ... it's others that make out it's black and white) ... more like RED is those kind of heartless situations. TIME TIME TIME ... not even time to stutter. That was mainstream employment services doing as they do and well ... falling through the cracks is the story of my life.

    BUT ... this time I'm not going through main stream channels and placement is going to be well thought out. I won't even be chasing the money. ($$$ = Industry treatment- Volunteers = Compassion/Engagement) If $$$ becomes a factor I'll only be taking on roles that allow for two to four hour shifts. Mostly Engagement Roles. Perhaps if my capacity can be extended to a full shit ... I'll only do it one day a week. (My wife also has a condition which requires me [I'm just aiming to have a life on the side where there is time]) I've got a lot to think about regarding roles, triggers and flexibility. I also need to ensure I don't put my pension at risk as there is no fucking way in hell I will be returning to main stream participation. As I have alluded ... I will not be part of the heartless machine and if I could operate without a soul, the fact remains that I am incapable of functioning at such a speed!!! This is where the terms start to go grey when websites state ... ongoing support for workers like me with Profit Vs Non Profit Industry/Organisations. Fact is Profit organisations rarely have the time or interest with implementing such supports. I may get lucky with some pocket money along the way ... but voluntary positions is where I will focus in the beginning and most likely for quite a whiles.

    See what happens ... My camping buddy that runs his own Disability/Aged Company (an old boss of mine) is looking to expand in my area and wants my wife to handle admin setup ... Getting myself accredited with all the checks and balances will pretty much have me set up sweet as far as having a choice when it comes to being appropriately matched ... Support Role/Person in need/supporting the supporter; as it should be! My old boss was not happy when they sacked me ... sacked me behind his back. He quit, joined another company ... quite again due to the machine ... BUT ... went out on his own and in that process had many clients leave with him. He's actually become quite a success. I know he will be happy to hear this new direction I am taking as he of yet does not know. I really enjoyed my time working under him. He understood me like I did the clients I resonated with. I think that is why he is doing well. He is good with placements and not so greedy.

    Anyways ... that's a huge amount to take in. I'm just glad I finally have the ball rolling again and looks like I will be getting quality support to achieve my aims ... failures and all. Sounds like a win win to me.

    Adios until next post.
    Last edited by Ponder; 05-17-2017 at 04:40 AM.

  7. #87
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    Jut to mix things up a bit. I picked up this Hard Cover book for about 1 English Pound. (I live in Australia) Looked it up online and of course got a kick that the Hard Cover is fetching between 18 - 27 Pounds. 27 if you have money to burn. Anyways despite being a huge skeptic of the UFO and Paranormal Crowed the reviews seem pretty good. Is not for people easily led and or like to make religions/cults out of this subject. It's what viewed more as "Filtered Science" Findings from Scientific Scholars that are rejected because it challenges currently accepted views. I actually picked up another book called Forbidden Archaeology's Impact by Micheal A. Cremo. But that's another story. : )

    Turns out this book → DIMENSIONS: A Casebook of Alien Contact by Jacques Vallee is one of the better ones to shed light on said subject as far as the movie/drama mentality goes. So I am reading in the reviews at any rate ... minus those who thrive on the cult side of things who have given this book bad reviews. Personally I don't know yet. I am still watching YouTube videos of the Author. That's been interesting alone. I'll Text To Speech the PDF and take in on a few walks ... then read the book later.


    I'm just getting ready to kick back on watch the following in two bouts. I'm more interested in what Terrence McKenna has to say on the subject from a consciousness/spiritual point of view. That should be REALLY interesting as is my angle on actually picking up the above book. The footage here is old as too the book ... BUT ... it's just one of those old books that's in many ways still relevant to today. Given how much of this kind of information is typically rejected from decade to decade. You kind of have to be nuts to understand it. LOL @ that. hehe ... not that I understand anything ... but it sure is more interesting than your usual run of the mill drama currently spinning the mill:


    Terrance looks young there : )

    → Fast Forward to Terrence ←
    Aprox 18minutes the sound gets all wonky with what sounds like a record playing backwards. LMFAO @ that one ... I'm pushing through with it as it clears up a few minutes later ... although I am worried if I will sleep easy tonight. hahaha ... So far so good ... Tick Tick Tick. Will have to start watching Terrance more often/gain.




    The full interview with the Author of above book:




    That should keep be busy for a while.
    Last edited by Ponder; 05-18-2017 at 01:01 AM.

  8. #88
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    Caught up with the author once more here ... gets more interesting the deeper I get into all this:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9pR0gfil_0

    BUT --- to finish off the night ... I could not but help return to the real drama:



    Night night. ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

  9. #89
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    Tomorrow will see the end of a solid week in the gym. Back to back 3 X Two Day Advanced Arny Split across 6 days. No time or energy for running. I've just been fitting in walking where I can. Sleeping and eating has been paramount. I've managed to keep my appointments outside my routine and keep the little fella happy as well. Happy little fella, happy me. The kitchen did get away on me, but managed to nip that in the but yesterday and will make a note of keeping on top of that today. Laundry ... tick, Yard -SIGH - needs doing (mowing/weeding) although have done the edging, in general there is more I can catch up on, however the appointments for both my wife and I have been full on this week as well. Lots of in and out like those lunitic blue nurses, although my driving is much smoother than them. Yadda Yadda ... Wife off to do her JP thing at the court ... I do have the new group where they are starting to refurbish bicycles but the day is looking pretty grey and wet with flood warnings about; not sure If I will go as I wont have the car.

    Might do a Vlog and catch up on house chores instead.

    I have to admit that when not doing those things I deem crucial to me stability (my usual routine) or more meaning when side tracked in order to meet newly set challenges I continually make for myself ... mmmm ... I've been somewhat eradicate during those periods when embarking on those sessions/activities/appointments/ruminations that take the next step towards my goals. - "Employment" - (toxic term really ... for me at least ... due to the policies, clauses, terms, and agendas that outline such a force of people) Thankfully my wife is keeping things real for me in regards to that. - I grab cuppa ... think ... then try to explain because I have another appointment coming up focused on that. Thankfully my wife will be sitting in on that one. I seriously don't know what I would do without her. I hope I am first to pass this plain of existence or at least quite frail; if she Lisa does in fact pass before me. I ponder if we would be better off doing a Romeo and Juliet. Just kidding.
    __________________________________________________ _________


    RIGHTO
    - lets get some perspective Davy Boy:
    Neurotypical - (a person who has a typical brain) The language is steering away from terms like NORMAL. Anyways ... Lisa, my wife ... pointed out that once again in my usual excitement in setting new challenges, that I forgot about the stepping stone factor within those PHaMs programs. There are two PHaMs programs ... One the helps you get out your front door and then the other to help you spin the economical wheel. ??? Actually the Gov website stated more along these words:

    "...They are assisted to access services and participate economically and socially in the community, increasing their opportunities for recovery."

    Recovery ??? How does someone with a permanent impairment recover??? Inappropriate term for many people with a permanent disability. Which is why DES is split into two different element as already previously noted. Management Services which is a stepping stone (not ongoing) Vs Support Services. (which are ongoing) None the PHaMs offer ongoing sevices. Therefore whilst I can roll over personal support side of things, it would be useless to roll over the employment side of things as continually going from job to job is not an option. Waste of time, services, money and unnecessary stress resultant from inappropriate placing people and or setting clients up for continual failure. Which can also mean just spending $$$. Given One PHaMs program help one transition from their front door into the community and then the other PHaMs Program is EMPLOYMENT focused ... WELL there you have ... it's more about getting people out of their homes and into the workforce to spin the economical wheel. Make of that what you will ... for me its a toxic system that continues to place the worth of a person measured in how efficient that contribute economically.

    MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM ... loosing focus ... BUT know now better what my wife means. She can't believe that I was almost placed incorrectly yet again. I do my Vlog and see if I can make sense in that. The trouble is that despite me wanting to ECONOMICALLY CONTRIBUTE "... - still rolls eyes at that - ... the system is not currently geared to the claims being made on these government web pages in much that same way disability and aged websites make rosy mission statements that cave in with it comes to the ECONOMICAL TRAIN!

    NDIS is set to me the new welfare reform in our country despite many being told nothing changes. BS! I am told PHaMs will no longer exist once NDIS comes into play (in our area) There are as many contradictions in this whole mess as there is in the Holy Bible. No matter ... Is what it is.

    Note to self ... I found it amusing when I got a call from a service provider who just came back from an NDIS seminar (they were just helping me prep my app with some of the changes going on in the background - again building my case ... they don't mind people who help themselves) ... The thing I found interesting was when I was told that there was also a seminar for applicants separate to service providers. Here's the thing the light bulb moment in my head. Who are these applicants that get to know about these seminars that keep them in the know? What part of society do these applicants come from? I'm alluding here to the issues of STATUS and it's bearing in our imperfect system. I wonder about the severity of these applicants Vs those lower down on the chain. No doubt why mental illness is constantly as grey as it is. Just a thought is all. Relates to that inability to so many being unable to build their case; this time not so much because lack of being active or even impairment ... but from lack of being inadvertently kept in the dark. More to it than that for sure ... yet still a light bulb factor when it comes to that imperfect system we have.

    Yadda yadda ...

    Adios until next post.

  10. #90
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    Admits since the service providers started prompting NDIS is have been spiraling out. I don't beleive "nothing changes" ... anyways ... get on with it Davy Boy.

 

 

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