Decision Time!

[toughbird]

Hello everybody. Wishing you all well.

I need some constructive advice which you are all incredibly supportive to provide.

So I'm sure you all know the story between I and my work colleague who I like.

So this week I and my colleague have been displaying hot and cold behaviour towards each other. I was feeling low. I went to confide in him. Kind of backed off due to fear. Came into work. Saw him and dodged him. He offered support and then felt it was better to maintain a professional relationship.

The same night I contacted him and apologised as well and explained my distant behaviour. He accepted and we got back to normal.

So I confided in a few colleagues about my mental health and they gave me a lot of food for thought. It kind of made me realize that I want to focus onto my future and not waste anymore valuable time on things that are not worth it. I am looking at making changes to my life and I wanna start now.

I am thinking of my relationship with this guy. I wanna put my cards on the table and find out exactly where we stand with each other.

I want a friendship with this guy outside of work. I can be professional in work where I see him as a colleague but outside work, I want to see him as a friend.

I want to be able to talk to him on facebook and go out together here and there. But only as friends. I am willing to be there and care for him. I read the policy around personal relationships which are not forbidden outside the workplace as long as both parties remain professional inside the workplace. So he doesn't have to worry about boundaries.

He has told me he previously was not good with commitment especially with female friends quite a long time ago. He preferred hanging with his male friends and his friendships with females dissolved. Now his friends have got a new life with marriage and kids. My colleague is now isolated and doesn't go out much. So he could remain the same?

I want to say all this to him and find out exactly where I stand. I would rather know now and find out how he feels. I just want to move forward on to the future and focus on my recovery. Life is too short for games.

What do you think?

I mean I don't want to make him anxious by having this conversation if it sounds too deep. Or maybe I could word it simplier.

Any advice please?

[Kirk]

In my opinion, I would not pursue his friendship outside of work, as he has told you he does not really
connect well to female friends. You may also run the risk of it spilling into your work day and to me the
risk is not worth it.

[toughbird]

He responded back saying, he is having a rest at home. To catch up next week. Which I respect and will take a step back.

But one thing I am incredibly confused is, why when I wanna talk. He offers to support. I get scared and back away. He gets upset and hurt. Now when I wanna get close - he backs away. This is confusing.

[maximadam]

If he isn't interested it might be time to move on.