Noticing thoughts, observing thoughts, giving them space, surrendering, let go, etc..

[yaheythere]

Hello.

I had, more or less, a mid-life crisis 5 months ago. My life is just FINE: stable job, great wife, healthy kid, nice home.. very little stress in my life. But I am NOT happy. Why why why. Things could be so so so much worse! But, telling myself that doesn’t make me feel any better, and I grow even more sad and angered. Therapist diagnosed as ‘existential anxiety’.

(actually, I really don’t like my job, and that probably has a lot to do with all of this.. but its low pressure and pays the bills. I am grateful)

But anyways..I have really been working at it. Had been seeing therapist regularly (as mentioned). I meditate daily. I take a weekly yoga class (even though I am the only guy in the class). Exercise regularly. Always reading books (such as Power of Now, The Four Agreements, etc), constantly listening to podcasts about mindfulness and consciousness.

I can’t say things have improved much. I won’t stop meditating or exercising- I love doing both of those things, but they only seem to offer temporary relief.

Ive learned a good deal about myself as I am going thru this journey, but I still find myself sad and anxious most of the time.

Noticing thoughts, Observing thoughts, giving them space, surrendering, letting go, being present: these topics seem the most important, yet the hardest to achieve.

Meditation has helped me catch myself when I start ruminating, thinking of the past or comparing myself to others.. generally, i think negative a lot.. as I realize I have been doing that for most of my life. So I am noticing, noticing, noticing. But that’s it. I notice my negative thoughts.. but my mind does not seem to want to create any “space” for those thoughts. So.. great…. I have become good at noticing the thoughts.. now what? Doesn’t seem to change anything.

OBSERVE the mind.. observe the the thoughts & don’t attach to them…surrender to them, let go. HOW?? I’m getting aggravated at all the articles, books, etc that tell you to simply ‘observe the mind’.… but doesn’t tell you how. I guess it is something that simply cannot be put into words?

I know I have to be patient, and this journey is a very difficult one, and may take time. I want to ask the question
“HOW LONG UNTIL I START FEELING BETTER?” but I am not sure I want to know the answer to that.

[gypsylee]

Hey and welcome

The whole "observe the mind" thing is definitely difficult because we are brought up in a culture that basically tells us we ARE our mind and thoughts. The subconscious is very much ignored in favour of the rational, conscious mind. Something that helped me a lot when I was in my 20s (I'm 43 now) was reading about Carl Jung's approach to psychology. Jung saw the conscious mind as just the very tip of the iceberg.

I've also done quite a bit of reading on Buddhism and one image I really like is the mind (or the "Self") as a mountain and our conscious thoughts and emotions as just clouds passing by. But even after 20+ years of reading and practicing this stuff I still suffer from quite severe anxiety and depression from time to time.

I will try and think of a video or something to help you with these concepts but I mainly wanted to say that you aren't alone in finding this difficult. As for "how long until I start feeling better?".. I seriously can't answer that!

All the best,
Gypsy x

Here you go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emHAoQGoQic&t=38s (That's pretty short but I really like Alan Watts because he doesn't take things too seriously and understands how neurotic this culture makes people.. So if you aren't familiar with him take a look at some of his other stuff.) Hope that helps!

[fixmybrokenmind]

Could be a serotonin deficiency if your life is cozy on the outside and you are doing everything else right.

Consider supplementing with magnesium and 5htp for a few weeks and see if they provide any relief. St Johns Wort is also another good one but it can have interactions with other drugs

[yaheythere]

Could be a serotonin deficiency if your life is cozy on the outside and you are doing everything else right.

Consider supplementing with magnesium and 5htp for a few weeks and see if they provide any relief. St Johns Wort is also another good one but it can have interactions with other drugs

Thanks.. I have not heard of 5htp. sounds worth a try..

[BrilliantSide]

I get what you are going through 'yaheythere'. It can be really frustrating getting good at things like meditating and yoga, and our same problems are still there.

I'll go into your first question, "How do you observe the mind." I'm not sure if I have a great answer, but it sounds like you are doing it. Noticing thoughts is observing the mind. The next thing is to not associate those thoughts. Those thoughts aren't you. Your mind is just a machine churning out thought after thought after thought...

Like a machine making widgets on an assembly line.

Observing thoughts is good, but it's also good to help to change the things your mind is producing. A great book you may or may not have read is 'You are Not Your Brain'. That is a blueprint for helping you create different types of thoughts.

Now, for my real advice: I think the cause of your problems might be your job. Not necessarily the job per say, but really the lack of passion for what you do 8 hours a day. I find that as a man, if I'm not satisfied with what I am doing/creating, then the rest of my life really suffers. Women probably feel like this too, but I've noticed it the most with men and their careers.

You said, "Actually, I really don’t like my job, and that probably has a lot to do with all of this.. but its low pressure and pays the bills. I am grateful"

That sounds like someone who isn't living up to their potential. If you are living up to your potential, then a part of you knows this, and it will create discomfort within you. A sense of restlessness, or even thoughts where you beat yourself up or are depressed. A part of you thinks you are wasting your life.

Have you read the book, "War of art?" by Steven Pressfield? I think you might enjoy it.

Then again, take everything I say with a grain of salt. I don't know you, I only know what you've written in your post.

[yaheythere]

To not associate with the thoughts: I don’t feel like I am associating with them, but they are evoking extreme emotion. For example.. I compare myself to others a lot. I now recognize that I am doing it, I understand that I shouldn’t do it, yet I cant just tell myself NOT to do it (cause that makes me do it even more- we all know that).. so, I just accept that I am doing it.. but still, it takes me to an angry, frustrated, and sad place. The negative emotion still seems to win, no matter how much I ‘notice’ or ‘observe’ it. I am under the assumption I just need to keep being aware of it- and maybe some day it will start to dissipate.

Thanks for the book recommendations. They sound good.

Yes- a big part is probably my job. I went to college for a certain skill. I got a job doing that skill. I have been utilizing that skill for 20 years. It is going nowhere. Been with the same company 12 years and nothings changes, no advancement opportunity, I am in cube-land and I really don’t want to spend the next half of my career in cube-land. And her goes my cyclical thinking- if I get out and do something that i enjoy, but cant apply my skills, I’ll have to take a pay cut, and cant support my family. Blah.