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  1. #1

    I can't believe how much it still hurts....

    Hey guys. I lost my girlfriend over a year ago (Girl 2). She thought I liked my ex girlfriend before her...(Girl 1). It was Girl 1s birthday on Thanksgiving of 2015. She always had a crappy birthday and her parents aren't very nice...so I felt bad for her and got her a pretty generous gift. She's always wanted to go skydiving...so I went ahead and got her a certificate to go. I had told Girl 2 about it...I figured she would have understood. She was best friends with her ex boyfriend of 3 years....so I mean I figured that would have been something we could have related to. When I first told her about the gift buying, she did kind of imply that she wasn't too thrilled about it...said she had to go to the store and buy a bunch of cigarettes...*sigh*. Anyway...I told her about the gift buying right when I went to go visit her in England for Thanksgiving 2015 (I live in Arizona). I had a good time until the very last night...started a fight with me on something completely unrelated to the gift buying. Anyway...it wasn't until February 2016 when she finally broke up with me. I posted something on Facebook and she completely took it the wrong way...thought that the quote I posted meant that I still liked Girl 1. I tried to save the relationship but she just wouldn't listen...

    To be completely honest I'm not really all that upset that she left me...I do take some responsibility...because when I had gone to visit her during Thanksgiving I was showing her some messages from another girl I was talking to...but then out of nowhere I had realized that later down in the messages I was talking about rehab...not that my girlfriend at the time didn't know...she did. It's just that I was up there visiting her and having a good time...and well I just didn't want those messages to come up for even me or her to see...so I quickly exed out and said, "Yeah that's all I wanna show ya..." That was pretty suspicious, you know? So if she was suspicious and didn't know my intentions...she has all the right to leave me. This is the only thing that gets me the most...

    Like I said it's not the fact that she left me, I'm more upset just in the way she did it. She got really nasty, called me a bunch of names, and just completely manipulated me. It would have been one thing if she had said, "Well you hid some messages from me...what am I supposed to think? I think we should just go our separate ways...sorry..." but instead she kept yelling at me, trying to get me to admit that 'what I did was so wrong'....and yet despite all that she still expected me and wanted me to remain friends with her????? In all honesty I think deep down inside she knew I wasn't 2 timing her...I remember her calling me a month after we broke up because out of nowhere she had found out that her dad wasn't really her dad...so she called me out of all people..we catch up and she says literally this: "I just don't like it when people can't admit that they're wrong...but then again I guess some people do react to things differently...". I just don't get it. Why would she even say that rather than just say, "I just can't trust you after hiding those messages and your other actions." She also apparently got mad that I hung with Girl 1 on New Years eve (a year ago) as well, and her boyfriend may I add. I was 100% honest about the gift buying and hanging out with her on New Years. The only thing I wasn't upfront about was the message hiding...and yet the only thing she could focus on was making me feel bad about the gift buying. I wouldn't have told you about it if it was anymore than platonic, you know?

    I just couldn't take it. I just couldn't believe she expected me to want to be friends with her after the way she talked to me after everything was said and done. If she really thought I was 2 timing her, she wouldn't even be wanting to talk to me...I mean right? It just seems to me that she was so adamant on trying to 'teach me a lesson' and make me feel bad. I understand it probably wasn't the best idea especially since she lives so far away and can't see what's going on, but she literally considers her ex boyfriend one of her best friends. And I had brought that up to her as well when we were fighting on the phone. Her response? "No one will ever compare to me and Andre (her ex). We're such good friends I would even share a bed with him if he needed somewhere to crash." So let me get this straight...you can share a bed with an ex and that's totally platonic, but me buying a gift for a friend for her birthday AND TELLING YOU ABOUT IT automatically means I still like her? (this wasn't when we were together btw just when she was single)

    I guess that's why it's been so hard for me. It seems as if she just wanted to control me and overall get even with me...I understand hiding the messages was suspicious...but that wasn't direct evidence that I was cheating. If she had found direct evidence of me cheating, then fine...she can call me all the names she wants because at that point I would have deserved it. But she had nothing. Like I said she should have just left me and that had been it. I would have still been upset and hurt...but not nearly as much as I am now. It's almost as if I just didn't even matter to her.

    Had she not been friends with her ex I wouldn't have even done it or at least would have talked to her about it first...man. I just can't believe how distraught I am about this. We were so close...were madly in love with each other, and now it's as if I just didn't even matter, yet she still wanted to keep me as a 'friend' and 'potential get back together'.... I forgot to mention that when she called me about her daddy issues right after she had explained about how, 'She doesnt like it when people don't admit that they're wrong' she later says, "Well I guess some people do react to things differently....maybe something will happen in the future with us...but hey don't forget to invite me to your wedding!"

    Just...ugh...I couldn't take it anymore after that. After she did that I immediately took her off Facebook...which of course led her to trying to call me and then blocking me when I didn't answer the phone...just seems to me like there was still some emotion attached.

    Why am I being so immature about this? It's been almost a year...shouldn't I be over it by now? I've known her for 6 years at this point and well I've always had my eye on her...but we were only officially together for 9 months....idk...I feel so worthless and unlovable. If I'm missing something please tell me. I've told my dad and pretty much all my friends about it and they think that maybe she was just looking for a reason to break up (they think it was something else other than the gift buying). I don't even know why I still love her...most of my friends and family agreed that she really didn't treat me right :/. I would have died for that girl, and now she's gone...I mean nothing to her anymore. I've never felt like this before in my life. I don't even know what i'm feeling right now to be honest. It's almost as if I feel I don't even deserve love....

  2. #2
    Hello my friend, I see this quite often, i am a therapist in cognitive behavioral therapy, and When the mind creates pictures, the feelings come on strong, you need a distraction, when those thoughts come into your mind, I can give you some exercises, but I need a little more insight, on the relationship. message me, and we can talk about it.

  3. #3
    I would love to talk but I need 10 active posts before I can message anyone...what do you wanna know?

  4. #4
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Posts
    28
    Dude, there are a lot of nasty women that love to play games. I had an ex who used me for my cash, had me taken out expensive goods on credit and whatnot, and just acted nice when it suited her so that she could scam me without giving me an ounce of love in return. In fact, she was screwing around with this other guy the entire time. She kept coming back for a number of years, because she knew I had feelings for her. Some people just have no moral values and aren't worth the hassle. She is one of them. While I don't know about your situation, you may want to just forget about the people in your life who don't make you feel good.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by The Scottish Pedro View Post
    Dude, there are a lot of nasty women that love to play games. I had an ex who used me for my cash, had me taken out expensive goods on credit and whatnot, and just acted nice when it suited her so that she could scam me without giving me an ounce of love in return. In fact, she was screwing around with this other guy the entire time. She kept coming back for a number of years, because she knew I had feelings for her. Some people just have no moral values and aren't worth the hassle. She is one of them. While I don't know about your situation, you may want to just forget about the people in your life who don't make you feel good.
    It makes you never wanna trust people again, right? I never really was a people person but ever since this happened I just don't think I can trust people ever again. I know I made some mistakes but she took it way too far IMO. Just can't see how someone who claims to 'love you' can treat you like this....

  6. #6
    Seriously, How people fake an entire relationship? I can never even say a fake hello.

  7. #7
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    London
    Posts
    3
    I don't know if this will help but as a woman who has been "the crazy bitch" before I kind of understand how people can act in a way that comes off like they never loved someone when really they're just panicked and anxious.
    Wether its a self defence mechanism or an easy way out of a relationship while holding the moral high ground it comes from an internal struggle and I think we can all relate to that.
    Not that I am saying you should be bezzies with her (No-one can hold a grudge like I can) but sometimes it helps me to see that everyone is human and the world is not just out to get you.

 

 

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