Happy New Year everyone! So I have been suffering with extreme anxiety for about the last month. It started with a panic attack in the grocery store and I have been in fear of having another one ever since. I have only left the house a few times since because of it. My mind is so hyperfocused on this "What if it happens again?" That I feel like my body is now stuck on high alert mode and in a constant state of panic and anxiety. Naturally because of this, I am becoming depressed bc I cant stand sitting in the house everyday, trapped in my own mind.

I have a good grasp on the way anxiety works as Ive dealt with genral anxiety for years. I believe the day in the grocery store was triggered by low blood sugar due to heavy drinking the night before but I cant seem to convince my mind to let that terrifying experience go. Its kinda like when you get the stomach flu, the mind then tends to automatically associate the last food you ate to the feeling and you avoid eating it bc your brain now associates that food to being sick. Not sure thats a good analogy or not lol But I feel like this anxiety is now embedded in my brain And the only way Im going to get rid of it is by exposure therapy.

Anyways, Ive brought this all on myself. Extremely unhealthy lifestyle the last few years after my mom died. Heavy drinking on a daily basis to cope with grief, poor sleep/eating habbits. I am not at all shocked that I am where I am today. A car can only run without oil for so long. I have decided to stop drinking, Its been about a week which is HUGE when youre used to getting wasted on a daily basis. I have also been supplimenting with Bcomplex, Vit D, C And Magnesium as Im sure the chronic stress and daily alcohol consumption has screwed up my body chemistry.

Anyways, To the point and purpose of this post. I feel medication at this point is absolutely critical to beat this. I need something to take the edge off before I can start exposure therapy. I have a bottle of lexapro 10 mg here BUT I am having EXTREME medication anxiety and cant bring myself to take it. In CBT terms, I know im catastrophizing" thinking of the worst possible outcome. I know thats whats preventing me from taking it. I am afraid that if i take it that A) It wont work and Im gonna feel completely helpless where as now I still have that tiny bit of hope that it might. AND B) That its gonna worsen my Anxiety and Im gonna whind up in the pysch ward or something. I have this fear that I am gonna wake up in the middle of the night in an uncontrollable panic and have to call 911. I think " What would the neighbors think with an ambulance rolling up at 2am" I think what would my son think, my boyfriend, friends." I know these are irrational thoughts still I feel like the moment I swallow that pill, these thoughts are gonna cause me to panic. I have taken Celexa before, the sister drug of Lexapro with phenomenal results and 0 side effects so im not sure why im so afraid to try this medicine. I guess thats just how bad my anxiety is right now. Was wondering if anyone had any suggestions to help lessen the irrational fears I have right now regarding taking Lexapro. I am in desperate need. Thanks in advance.