Hi guys,
This is my first post here. What follows is kind of a messy stream of consciousness. I'm writing this more for catharsis than anything else. It feels good to type this out and shoot it into the void. OK, here goes:
As the title implies, I have some pretty bad anxiety and depression about the direction the world is headed in right now. In short: I worry Donald Trump will erode civil rights, crash the nation's economy and very likely get the U.S. into a war with China (or, hell, even Russia) that will inevitably turn nuclear. I live about 10 miles from Washington D.C., so I believe in such a conflict I would die a painful but possibly not immediate death.
For the record, I opposed Trump vehemently during his campaign (though I was not wild about Clinton, either) and thought electing him would bring about catastrophe and disorder. I fear Trump -- with his irrational behavior, denying intelligence briefings, using violent language and rhetoric -- just isn't up for the job if things really get crazy. And, unfortunately, things seem to be ramping up across the world. All it takes is one spark to ignite the fire. This has happened before. History repeats itself.
When Trump questions the One China policy, for instance, he risks undermining years of uneasy peace between two nuclear superpowers. And for what? What does he stand to gain? There is no upside to angering Beijing this way. He gets nothing in return. I don't trust his ability to lead. He has poor judgement.
Sure, we can elect someone else in four years, but that's FOUR YEARS. Do we really have that long before he and his insane advisors kill us all?
So, my anxiety: I fear that war approaches and Trump does nothing to slow it down. While I didn't like much of what Obama did, I appreciated his even temper and cool head. I never thought World War 3 would start under his watch. But when I see that Trump has tweeted some petty insult or made some awful baseless remark, it makes me feel like he's woefully unprepared to handle foreign policy. Diplomacy requires precision and tact. He doesn't seem to have that. He's worse than Reagan. Worse than Bush.
The president-elect makes me feel tiny and helpless. It makes me feel like he's gambling with my life and my country.
I'm incredibly depressed. I alternate between feeling like I'm going to die in the next year to panicking over how I can stop it from happening. I've considered moving to another country far from here (Australia?) or buying a homestead in the middle of nowhere and building an underground fallout shelter there. I have money saved but I'm ready to withdraw it all. What good is my savings account going to do when the end comes? I've packed a bag full of food, water and supplies in case the end approaches rapidly. I've considered buying a gun, but not for my own protection. When the missiles fly, I want to kill myself immediately.
I feel like a dead man walking. I cry a lot now. I am unhappy and irritable all the time. Eating is hard. Sleeping is difficult. Work is impossible.
I should note that my therapist has been very helpful. She's advised I take up meditation (trying) and possibly look into taking medication. I agree with her expert opinion. Still, I still can't help but fear the worst.
Anyone out there willing to talk me down or provide a little insight? It would be greatly appreciated.