My Friend Passed Away and I'm Anxious it Will Happen to Someone Else

[jayja]

Hi there.

I didn't really want to post this but I don't have any other people to speak to (friends and family wise) as they're either asleep or out. But here goes.

Yesterday, a good mate of mine died in her sleep. I'm still shocked and it hasn't sank in as it was so sudden; hours before her death she was her normal, happy self and then next I get a phone call off her fiancé saying that she had died. She was so young. Aside from being devastated, I am very anxious. I'm anxious that it will happen to my boyfriend, that it will happen to a friend or my family; they'll die in their sleep unexpectedly. I cant sleep and my OCD has kicked in where I have to keep switching switches on and off just to make sure that those close to me don't die and it is distressing as well as very annoying. Does anyone have any advice.

Thank you for reading.

[threelittlbirds]

I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. It's hard enough to lose somebody you care about without having to worry about it happening to other loved ones.

When you experience a trauma first-hand, it's natural to feel like it could occur again. But it's important to understand that what happened to your mate is extremely rare and you have no reason to worry it will happen to anybody else in your life. Honestly, what are the chances the same awful tragedy would occur twice among your close friends and family? So small it's not even worth giving it a second thought.

Everybody has a different way to deal with anxiety. I find it helps to talk about my concerns with somebody else. Sometimes just hearing them out loud makes me realize how ridiculous I'm being. I also find it helps to reach out to other people in need. Sometimes the best way to take your mind off your own anxiety is to help a friend or loved one with their problems. Given what just happened, you might try reaching out to the fiancé who will almost certainly need your support.

I hope you feel better soon.

[Fashoom]

Hi, I'm really sorry to hear about your friend's death. When we're young we don't think about death very much -- it's something that happens to the old. But the universe does serve up unexpected events sometimes. Things can happen "out of order" like a young person dying or contracting an "old person's disease". It's unusual, but it does happen once in a while. When it does it can ratchet up our fears about things we take for granted, like our health, especially if we're prone to anxiety and/or OCD.

Acting out our compulsions, like turning switches on and off is just a way we try to wrestle control back into our lives. It's irrational of course, but our subconscious doesn't think rationally. It's completely natural to want to control our world, especially when something awful happens that's out of our control.

Our rational minds know some things are out of our control. We will lose loved ones to death, that is part of being human. Again, it's unusual for someone young to die suddenly, but it is something that occasionally (fairly rarely) happens in the world.

The OCD behavior is taking you out of the moment and making it more difficult to integrate your friend's death into your life. You are devastated yes, but grief is okay. Your friend brought love into the world and was loved. Contemplate happy times with her, what she gave you and her fiance and family. Say her name. Talk about her with others who knew and loved her. You'll feel better. Space will open up for you to mourn her, and your anxiety about losing your boyfriend, family and so on, will fade.

My heart goes out to you,

Fashoom

[Unwise Emily]

I hope you feel better about it soon. What happened was very rare. We have similar types of anxiety though. Reading this makes me scared that I will pass away in my sleep. I have terrible health anxiety, especially about my heart.

[threelittlbirds]

It may help to try relaxation techniques before climbing into bed. Performing deep breathing and meditation exercises can help calm anxiety and may even improve the quality of your sleep. There are several high-quality guided meditation sites/apps, such as headspace and calm, that offer a set of free lessons that can be listened to over and over again. There are other good sites as well.

Alternatively, writing down your fears in a journal (or on an anxiety forum) can be very helpful. I usually get about halfway down the page before I realize how silly and irrational I'm being. Of course I always knew this in my head, but something about putting it down on paper really helps drive the point home. The downside of anxiety forums is that they can also serve as a trigger for new fears based on other people's stories (so be careful what threads you read). Also understand that you can't catch a disease from reading a message board. Unless your doctor told you it's something you should worry about, don't give it a second thought.

Keep in mind that fear of sleep is just a symptom of a bigger problem called health anxiety. I struggle with health anxiety too. If you're anything like me, my mind tends to jump from one irrational fear to the next. I've convinced myself that I've had all sorts of diseases, but my track record of self-diagnosis is 0%, so I really can't trust my judgment here. The trick is to recognize that your fear is irrational, to accept that your judgement is flawed, and to stop always thinking you're the extremely unlucky .000001%.

[francogrex]

It's such a strong trigger, the death of someone we know, and in your case a friend. It is therefore very natural, very normal that you feel extreme anxiety. Right now the only useful advice is to allow yourself to be anxious! Not what you were expecting, right? You are desperately trying to find something, anything that can help you get rid of that anxiety. Please stop looking and stop fighting your anxiety (and its manifestation as OCD). Fighting it will only make it worst and will make it last longer. Just know that you are entitled to be feeling the way you are feeling right now; anyone in your situation would be feeling the same. Know that those anxious feelings will pass if you just let them be right now, accept them and allow them to be present, they're a physiological response to a stressor and they are there for a biological reason. With time, feelings will change and anxiety will subside. Be compassionate with yourself and you'll be better faster than you know it.

[metal4life]

Hi jayja!

Im sorry to hear that and i think its a normal reaction, just because
of the fact that your brain realises it can happen even when you sleep
makes it active and more aware, i dont reallly know how to help you sorry.
Just getting trough i guess..

I was scared of death and now that you can die without a reason while sleeping
will give me a lot nights without sleep. :'(

[Fashoom]

How are you doing jayja?

[jayja]

Thank you guys for the support and advice. My OCD has gone down I guess I'm doing okay but my anxiety has now manifested into hypochondria which can be very difficult to cope with! Thank for ur support tho I will take into account what you have all said it is much appreciated ��