Hi hows everyone doing? I'm a 29yo male. My mental health has been getting worse and worse, and I think it may be affecting my physical health now. I've had anxiety for pretty much my whole entire life, mainly social anxiety.

My dad also suffered really badly with anxiety and alcoholism. He was adopted so Im not too sure of any other health problems from his side of the family, all I know is that his biological mother suffers from dementia. My dad passed away a couple years ago from lung camcer, after that my anxiety has gotten much worse and have been depressed and suffering from addiction to painkillers. It was a very stressful and difficult time for me and things got real messy and stressful and I couldn't really handle it. Instead of talking to people about it, wich wasnt gonna happen especially with my social anxiety I turned to painkillers and got addicted unfortunately.

I have been to many therapists, tried being hypnotized, tried a couple anxiety meds but nothing has helped, its very frustrating. My anxiety got so bad I couldn't even go into work anymore, I almost had a panic attack just trying to pull into the parking lot.

Since I wasn't working anymore I decided to get clean and deal with the withdrawals from the opiates. It was 2 weeks of hell but it was worth it. I was feeling good and wanted to start living a much healthier and positive lifestyle. I was clean for 2 months, but since I was self medicating to deal with the anxiety and depression, without the painkillers my anxiety and depression got much much worse.

Now Im back using again and worry that Im gonna end up dead if I keep living like this. I have been working on it and have been cutting down my dose to ween myself off again. I have trouble sleeping, can't really fall asleep, and if I do I don't stay asleep for long at all. I always wake up in a panic and can barely breathe, I just can't get any full breathes, this really scares me a lot. I worry I'm gonna have a panic attack and no one will find me until its too late. Also I have very bad stomach problems too. I'm constipated every day, when I do have a bowel movement its very painful and bloody diarrhea, even if I just fart on the toilet lots of blood comes out.

With all of these physical problems Im very scared for my well being. And unfortunately since I'm out of work now I don't have insurance and can't afford to go to a doctor to get all these problems checked out. I just want to live a normal healthy life, thats all I'm trying to do but I feel the more I try to get healthier and get my life together I just get much much worse. Its very hard to deal with, feeling very depressed and defeated.

I just don't know what to do or who to turn to. I would love any feedback or support from people who've been in similar situations. Sorry for such a long rambling post, this has been bottled up for a very long time. Thanks so much for reading this, I really appreciate it and look forward to hearing from some of you.

Thanks
-B