Thinking that people are looking at me caused my social anxiety

[Agent20k]

Every since i was 9 i always had a problem with people looking at me. In 5th grade i noticed that whenever i went to school i would start sweating under my armpits, i didn't know what was wrong with me and my parents just said it was puberty. Once i entered middle school i noticed how shy i was and how much i used to sweat and i also started to have panic attacks and then i realized that i had anxiety. Fast forward to high school.. I still sweat and have heart palpitations whenever i go to public places (especially if i have to talk to people) I honestly don't know why it's happening since i came out of my shell, and i have a lot of friends. Is there any way i can overcome social anxiety? Since i still have that "Everyone is looking at me/judging me" mentality in my brain?

I know of a little technique you can use to help with the fear that people are looking at you. The next time you are in a public place, try slowly looking around you at other people; not slowly meaning in "slow motion", but just look around a little more slowly than usual. If you look at other people around you fast, by moving your eyes fast and/or turning your head really fast, it tends to cause you even more anxiety in the moment. Instead, try to slowly look around at people nearby you in a public place to see if they are looking or staring at you. This takes time and practice in order to reduce your anxiety and to prove to yourself that people aren't really staring, but eventually if you keep working on this and practicing it in public, you'll eventually see that people aren't really staring or looking at you and judging.

If it's too challenging to do this at first, ask a close friend or family member to go with you somewhere and do this in public, so that you have their support and you don't feel as comfortable as you would be in a public place by yourself.

[UtterlyRoss]

I get you, I know exactly how this feels... I think it stems from caring so much about everyone else around us, that we forget to give ourselves any attention. Almost like a crippling case of empathy.

The key to making things better, and it definitely isn't a quick fix, is to recognise that you are just as important as the people around you. You don't have to be selfish to acknowledge your own self-worth. Be confident in you.

I agree with metal4life's third point. People with social anxiety tend to overthink everything, we obsess over how we are appearing to others. Often this is how we're wired, so rather than trying to turn off your thoughts altogether - work out strategies to distract yourself whilst carrying out everyday activities. Think about something other than how much you're sweating or if you've gone red in the face. Decide what you're going to make for dinner instead, that sort of thing.

Once you manage to put that into practice you may well find that you sweat less, use this as positive motivation. Push your comfort zones.

I wish you all the best, and you're welcome to get in touch.

[maximadam]

Sometimes people do stare at me actually. Because I'm a racial minority where I live mostly. I use it as an opportunity to train my confidence. I force myself to maintain eye contact until they look away. I endure the anxiety and practice accepting it. Doing things like this has helped me immensely.

[iwanttobeok]

Super bump xp
Maybe you're just beautiful! People look at each other all of the time. Just stand straighter and you'll already feel more confident.

[TuesdayBlue]

Hey there
A little trick I've learned: Pay attention to NOT looking people in the eye when you're out and about. when you're talking to someone, that's different, but people with social anxieties tend to be hyper vigilant to others, so purposefully avoiding the face region goes a long way. Give it a try!

[gypsylee]

Good work (super) bumping this. Social phobia is my thing and I'll just add that from an evolutionary viewpoint it makes sense because:

a) In prehistoric times strangers from other tribes might kill you;
b) You wouldn't get far in prehistoric times if you were banished from the tribe. Therefore we are always comparing ourselves to others and fearful of being excluded, embarrassing ourselves etc.

So that trip to the supermarket could be deadly according to the older parts of your brain (the Amygdala*). The trick is learning to use the newer part of the brain (the Cortex*) and realising it won't be deadly.

*Very basic neuroscience.

[iwanttobeok]

What did the deli ever do to you?