The everlasting battle of panic and anxiety

[Huan]

Hello everybody,I'm 22 and I'm from Macedonia, currently struggling with something still unknown to me and not understandable, the panic disorder and anxiety.

It has been 7 months now since i had my first panic attack, and series of panic attacks following the first. Then anxiety,extreme fear of everything and depression kicked in.First two months were hell for me, I was only calm when i was sleeping. First thing in the morning i would have had heavy and fast heartbeat,followed with unexplained fear and excitement. Then every minute in the day was a struggle with the unknown persisting enemy. I was literally waiting when the next panic attack will strike, i was observing every body sensation I experienced and I was just waiting for something bad to happen. My thoughts were chaotic. I used to ride my bike twice around the city just to keep myself occupied with something and not to think about the "problem" I had. After, a month of struggle I and my family decided that I should visit a psychiatrist which it happened to be a family friend. I used to meet with her once a week, have a discussion about the problem and she prescribed me two type of medicine, first was Elicea 10mg(escitalopram) and Loram 2.5mg 1/2 twice a day (lorazepam), then changed to Ansilan (simillar to lorazepam). Since i started using this, in a month( somewhere in the middle of July) i felt a bit of a relief, and since then I had ups and downs, with recurring symptoms. I was told that this was expected and I went on. I never stopped going out with friends, I continued doing my daily activities ( extreme biking, playing games, studying, going out, etc...). The following few months the situation went for the better, august, sept, oct passed. In the start of october i stopped using the sedative Ansilan by consultating with my psych. I even started drinking and getting drunk on weekends with my friends. Now as November passes, all those problems seems are coming back, I had 2 episodes of nearly-panic attack and some unexplained thoughts are coming back.

Mostly I'm worried about those thoughts as no one can understand them completely. So i decided to visit this forum and see if someone else is having nearly the same problem as I do in hope that he/she will tell me that all this is okay and it will eventually pass. I can only describe those thoughts like this: They are shifting my mood about objects,places,events,people, past happenings from " I'm okay with this, I get this warm feeling about it" to " I don't want to do that, it looks scary, I am afraid about it and it is a grim feeling". This same pattern of thoughts is bringing back my panic attack sensation and it leaves me at unease. I keep thinking about that all day long and it seems as days pass I won't stop this struggle anytime near. I constantly change my view on life and days to pass by from " I'm okay with the events that follow and I know what I'm going to do later, tonight , tomorrow or even in a month and it doesn't bother me at all" to " I can't do this anymore, it seems pointless, I've already did this, what if I do it again? What's the point in doing all this, in living this life? I can't find anything to satisfy me and remove these awful thoughts about inutility".
So I'm gonna leave this here, in hope that someone will shed some light on how to solve or is it solvable at all, this stupid "sickness" that strikes in our life without any warning and it intends to stay forever.

Peace!

[Teafrenzy]

First, get over the idea that it "stays forever". yes you are prone to anxiety and will remain this way throughout your life. However, symptoms are TREATABLE. 95% of anxiety sufferers can get treatment and lead a normal life.

Let me tell you about my own history. I was a normal guy. A few bouts of anxiety throughout my life but nothing resembling a disorder. One day I detected a man trying to break into my apartment. This triggered a burst of anxiety. Symptoms soon followed, including light headedness, trembling, chills, joint pains, chest thumping.

Then I started to worry over these physical symptoms and things went from bad to worse in a hurry. Now my symptoms also became mental as well as physical. I had multiple panic attacks every day. It was difficult to know when one panic attack ended and one began. My head felt like it was on fire. It felt like I was going chave razy and totally losing control of my body. My scariest incident happened when I "flipped out" and thought I was murdering a young girl by grabbing her as I committed suicide.

So when you say your symptoms are bad, understand that people with worse symptoms than you have made a full recovery or at least a HUGE improvement. I am not 100% yet, but I stopped having panic attacks and I am mostly recovered. I get the once in a while bad day or setback but I am mostly ok.

Your recovery plan is not ideal. You must AVOID alcohol, caffeine and sweets for at least 30 days. You should exercise but not strenuously and never while in the midst of a panic attack. Hang out with friends but don't communicate with strangers. Do research on CBT - psychotherapy to improve. It mostly involves accepting your condition. You can also research supplements that should help.

I wouldn't rely on medications to recover. Medications can help but there are also side effects plus they can lose their effectiveness over time.

[gypsylee]

Hi Huan and welcome

You need to read this article about Monkey Mind.. Your monkeys are misbehaving! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bj-gal..._b_945793.html

The other thing is alcohol. It sounds like that's what gave you the set-back. Alcohol is really bad for anxiety/depression.

Cheers,
Gypsy x

[Huan]

Well I appreciate you found some time to reply to me. You are right about the alcohol, I don't consume caffeine for a long time and I'm going to avoid sweets as well. I used to mountain bike every day for about 2-3 hours, but now, since winter is coming and the weather is cold I should find something else to waste my energy on. And about supplements I found that combination of amino acids, magnesium and B vitamins will improve your mental health overall. I study chemistry and I believe this is right, these nutrients are essential for the production of serotonin( the happiness hormone) and without them, your mental health may decrease to a stadium at which you had and I'm passing trough. Maybe i went too far with the alcohol over the past 2 months, I used to get drunk every weekend, I'm talking about 7-8 doses of rum, 2-3 beers, shots of tequila, which is a lot of alcohol. But I believe the weather conditions and having to stay at home mostly have an impact on my mood. It's an everyday struggle and it's kinda impossible not to think about the condition, i was mostly shocked that the panic sensations came back in a very mild form( didn't have a full panic attack) and the stressed state trough the days and the fear of the fear itself. Have a nice day !
P.S im not permitted to send the link but you will find it under the name "amino acids and magnesium cured my anxiety" in the general discussion section.

[Huan]

I was thinking the same thing, friend. I will give up on alcohol for a while and see if my condition will be back to normal.

[gypsylee]

Yeah definitely give alcohol a miss if you've got anxiety. It's hard because it relieves the anxiety for a while but then you end up way worse.

Magnesium is the only supplement I take (and this one has vitamin B6 and D3).

[Anne1221]

Although medication doesn't work for everyone, it has worked well for me for a long time and I find it to be life saving. I don't touch alcohol though as they don't mix. Exercise is great!

[Huan]

I was thinking, beside the therapy, i got irritable bowel syndrome which is malfunction of the bowel with physical symptoms. Other than that it is know that it leads to low nutrient absorption. I believe this is what partly caused for me to have depleted the sources of serotonin and dopamine in my brain. These neuro-transmitters are key ingredients to a healthy mind free of anxiety, panic attacks and depression. Our illness is all about chemistry and metabolism. If I get my body to produce these hormones the right way and in quantity enough for the needs of the brain, I can get my mental health back to normal. Now, in order to get the level of these hormones back I will need enough amino acids, omega fatty acids, magnesium and vitamin B in my body since these are the nutrients needed for the body to produce those hormones. To sum this up : I'm going to take these as supplements in the right dosage, so they can be better absorbed in the body, so the body can start producing enough hormones, and voila I believe the balance of hormones will be back to normal. I admit I've been eating wrong a good period of my life, especially while i was at university,stress was addition and not sleeping well, drinking,smoking...etc... It's time for me to accept some new habits in my life and start eating right, after all we are what we eat. I'm going to write here in a month about whether there is an improvement or not. I study biotechnology which includes a lot of chemistry, and all this makes sense to me.

[Teafrenzy]

I also have IBS and thought along the same way. What if I was not absorbing enough nutrients and that is what lead to my anxiety? But my blood test showed no deficiencies. I was looking for a magic bullet remedy for my condition. But there isn't any. I was exposed to a lot of stress. So were you. The main source of the problem is that you overloaded your nervous system. Once you address this, it will clear the way to recovery.