I can't accept it!!!

[salvator here]

This is the problem, I just can't, I wish I could!!!

Everyday that goes by I'm reminded that trusting other people is a big mistake, but I still do. I still believe that there are real people out there, but the wold is fake. Everything I believe and understand is totally incorrect. The times in the past that I was happy were based on my understanding that people were exactly what they seemed and portrayed, however they are everything but.

I was real and always tried to be a honest person with a good heart, but this has changed and I am sour and bitter now. I hope my future will be unlike my past and I will be able to never need to rely on other people anymore. Trouble is, I don't think I can do this and I don't really want to. I know what this says about me, but I will go down with my faulty belief system.

I know this makes little sense and Its truly how I'm feeling now. I feel torn apart and lost, but I will pick up the piece and try to put together something for myself. It won't be much, but maybe I can be at least settled and content with the outcome.

I think this will be my last posting and if I continue on seeking support from other people, I will only offer little truth and depth into my soul and only show the mask I decide to wear that day.

I haven't the slightest idea of how to carry on, but I will just struggle until I can not anymore I guess. I think its just too late for me but maybe this will change. Its beyond anxiety and depression now. Its just acceptance now, and I don't see this happening for me. I loved my fantasy wold and only wished I could have created this for myself, its nothing at all like this reality.

Nothing left other than continue to be " be me" I guess.

Edit:

I didn't even try to fix all the errors, just needed to get this out as is; raw! Not fishing for help on this one either, its just me and me alone in this life, maybe I prefer it this way going forward, honestly.