I Think my Girlfriend has Anxiety

[sts]

I have been with my girlfriend for 16 months now and I suspect that she may have anxiety. If she does, I don't think she is aware of it as she attributes everything to 'mood swings'.

She worries about everything, keeps it to herself and ends up overthinking until any issues turn into massive problems for her.

Usually she ends up talking to me about, she realises she was worrying about nothing and everything is fine. Things become difficult for her if we go weeks without talking though as the issues become so huge for her that nothing I say seems to make her realise that she's mistaken.

Ever since the beginning of the relationship she has worried that I will get bored of her, that she's too short for me and that things won't work out and she'll end up getting hurt.

She has always needed constant reassurance from me that I love her if anything happens that she realises I am not 100% happy about.

Tiny things cause her to reach extreme conclusions. For example:

1. I smiled when sending a friend a message on Facebook. - I have another girlfriend.

2. Her online friend stopped talking to her as she entered the room I was in. - I am her online friend.

3. My sister doesn't know who the father of her child is. - I slept with my sister and her child is mine.

4. I don't post pictures of myself on Facebook. - I am a criminal on the run and I need to hide my identity.

5. Her friend found out that the person she was dating had a wife and kids. - I have a wife and kids as well.

etc.

I love her with all my heart, but she is afraid of opening up because she fears that she will be rejected if she does so. Friends she has known since primary school told me that she has always been like this and she won't open up to anybody.

After not speaking to me for weeks, she has told me that she wants to break up for a number of reasons. A lot of these reasons were complete misunderstandings where she reached wild conclusions over small things. She now understands this but she also has other issues.

1. She doesn't feel deserving of being in a relationship because she has hurt people's feelings.

2. She's worried that, because we had 6 arguments in 16 months, we're going to argue the whole time if we stay together.

3. Sometimes she worries that she doesn't love me.

4. She's worried that she's going to keep wanting to break up with me over misunderstandings.

We're still waiting to talk about this breakup, which she has been putting off for a while, but it seems like we might speak about it next week.

I'm not sure how to raise the subject of anxiety with her as, if she has it, I don't think she's aware of it.

[FruitSalad]

Hi there,

I think many of us deal with negative thoughts. Her's seem quite bad, and she is taking action on them - feeding them. I would also think that this is more along the lines of paranoia and delusions. In CBT it would be considered catastrophic thinking etc. Perhaps a CBT course would allow her to first identify what she is doing to herself. She is living in the mind, it's like a tiger, if you feed it, it will come back for more and more. When I have negative thoughts I don't interact with them. At this point I don't live in my head as much, there is nothing there but ramblings. Also, all that paranoia is based around her, it may help at some stage for her to focus on others. Broaching the subject is hard I would think, in the end it is her choice to accept help.

God bless you, your love is good.
Dan