Trying to 'Get A Grip'

[salvator here]

Basically.. For anyone that read this thread previously, I thought creating this thread was going to help me, but it turned out to do just the VERY opposite and triggered me into bad (but temporary) bad state of mind luckily. I was able to work through it and I'm feeling better now.

So, it was just a bad idea for me, so I will continue as I was before I got that bright idea.

Please disregard this thread altogether. I was not able to figure out how to delete it completely so I figure I at least can offer this explanation.

Thank you!

[gypsylee]

I started reading it but got distracted.. Lucky!

[salvator here]

Thank you gypsy for taking the time to respond, it means a lot that you did right now. I'm ok and was able to pull myself out of it. It wasn't really anything that I've not already said previously here and there.

Ain't life a blast

[gypsylee]

https://youtu.be/BiAwpYIkRmU

[Kirk]

My mother who passed away in September 2012, and may she rest in peace, was very depressed and negative quite a bit. However, she did have one positive saying and that
was "Life is what you make it".

[salvator here]

Thank you Kirk, I couldn't agree more with that statement and thank you for sharing that.

I'm really trying to cut way down on my negativity. Believe it or not, if I try to stay positive and "Up-Beat", sometimes my mind will follow suit and I can dig my way out of a depressive phase and anxiety on my own. A lot of the time (for me) its more about distraction and not feeding into my agoraphobia. As of late, I've been getting out of the house everyday even if for a short walk to dunkin donuts.

I slept real well last night, so I REFUSE to stay locked up in the house on such a nice Saturday and will find something to do today

PS: Thanks for the VID gypsy - that did cheer me up last night

[Kirk]

I should try to follow her advice better myself sometimes.

[gypsylee]

Thank you Kirk, I couldn't agree more with that statement and thank you for sharing that.

I'm really trying to cut way down on my negativity. Believe it or not, if I try to stay positive and "Up-Beat", sometimes my mind will follow suit and I can dig my way out of a depressive phase and anxiety on my own. A lot of the time (for me) its more about distraction and not feeding into my agoraphobia. As of late, I've been getting out of the house everyday even if for a short walk to dunkin donuts.

I slept real well last night, so I REFUSE to stay locked up in the house on such a nice Saturday and will find something to do today

PS: Thanks for the VID gypsy - that did cheer me up last night

Have you seen Napoleon Dynamite? Funniest movie ever! That dance scene still makes me happy LOL.

[salvator here]

Unfortunately not all that way through, but want to. But yeah, there are movies that I never get sick of. White chicks I could watch over and over again. Also, never get sick of Austin Powers either.

Good day overall today. Got out and walked around and drank an iced coffee and didn't feel uncomfortable or anxious and it was without question a refreshing change. It was a nice cool but sunny day. This is something very new to me, because, normally I don't enjoy being out in the day time and would rather go out at night (and not be seen). I've always considered myself to be a night owl, but I must say, waking early and being out during the day seems to be helping me. Going to bed a night has also helped. Keeping my appearance neat and tidy along with the weight loss has done wonders for my self-esteem, as well. I'm fluctuating about 3 pounds (+/-) around my goal weight which is 164 and I've notice my walking has become less awkward and I'm trying to stand up straight and not look down. For years I've always walked with my head down so this I'm being conscious of now. I'm still a work in progress and have many many years of down downtrodden behavior to work through, but today was a great start.

Nothing bad to report today; thankfully

[salvator here]

Great start to the day so far.

Woke up today 161 pounds and was overjoyed. I just feel better about myself in so many ways. I don't know, as I say, my goal was only 164 so this was unexpected. I usually test my blood pressure regularly and I was averaging 150 over 90 when I was 172. Now, this morning it was only 140 over 82 so this is also for my health rather than vanity (which I am defiantly not; vain). Its been so many years of hiding and feeling uncomfortable in my own skin and don't think caring about my appearance is wrong. There is only 1 problem with this, I'm stinking cheap and will need new cloths now lol. Luckily I don't care much about name brand items so a new wardrobe doesn't break the bank.

EDIT: [evening of January 29th]

Just don't feel in the mood (more like, I don't anything to F*uck up my day) to create another posting of bump this thread anymore. I've marked a date on the calendar and if this forum start to become a determent to my well-being, I'm soooo out of here and done like dinner with anxiety forum. This place is starting to seem plain toxic and I can do bad all by myself; don't need anybody's help with this. Sure, I pretty much take thing with a grain of salt on the internet, but when this forum starts to BECOME the problem rather than a benefit, time to walk away.

We'll see though, I've managed to pull myself out of a huge depression and I will be dammed if I"ll let a forum bring me back down again. This place gives me the creeps up and down my spine.

Just don't know, but I've marked my calendar regardless.

EDIT [part 2]

I remember my dad telling me one important thing, and that is, listen to your heart and I think I'll do just that. I'm no expert and I'm not highly educated like others here, so I'll just say this, my only advice to anybody going through shit is try to stop looking in the rear-view-mirror because you might be missing whats ahead.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present.

All my best, AF