Dave's Diary

[Ponder]

Indeed ... indeed Dahila. The term vampires is quite adequate. Hope you don't mind me rolling on the other thread in this one now. Time for a refresh is all.

Emotional Vampires is something I learned about via Dr. Judith Orloff's book "Emotional Freedom - Liberate Yourself from Negative Emotions and Transform Your Life"

I'm sure you remember me mentioning that book more than twice. I think I will source the audio book once more. Very liberating as the book suggests.

I ALSO NOW just found this book that may be of interest to you - The Emotional Vampire Survival Guide: Emotional Freedom in Action

I actually think I have been getting sapped from my own family. In some sense, when we allow ourselves to run down and become overwhelmed, I think we all do our own fair share of draining. Negative emotions have a way of naturally sucking the life out of others. You know that feeling when you just can't do anything right to please others ... even when you don't try, but simply do all you can to stay afloat yourself; yet your told constantly all those things that make you wrong? I go through a LOT of that with my family ... especially when they are feeling low. This is the hard part of living with someone with a draining illness. Like MS ... the dynamics of that behavioural pattern run quite deep. I have found it quite energizing to learn about the nature of these things by listening to audio books and reading up some. I am glad this has come to light Dahila.

Something I think I need to revisit. I already know that most of the advice is to Cut & Run However, I'm not about to do that to my wife. I also don't think it's really meant that way as such ... not in my case. Perhaps being careful with acquaintances like the one you mentioned and also those newly established ones and or general friendships that are not so deeply routed in a Co-Dependency Dynamic where cutting and running create a LOT of residual pain. I think my situation requires advanced learning, discipline ... hell ... I think I am going to have to ascend to beat that one. LMFAO @ the latter. hehe. I make joke is all ... lol
_________________________________

SIGH - Vampires ... I think it's important to realize that we are that way at time and that we should not go on a vampire killing frenzy. Is good to identify the problem ... but we also have to retain the ability/capacity to forgive, but that does not mean allowing ourselves to be sucked dry! This is why my routine is so important to me ... my continued writings and so on.

The sun is starting to rise now. Think I will get in an early morning walk. I'm still in a lot of pain re my damn but. I am on waiting list to see general surgeon ... 1 year waiting list. That's the long story short.
I have decided to bail my daughter out by buying her Elliptical (exercise machine) that she does not use. I wont use it much ... probably just to warm up some before doing weights at home. On that note ... I am also looking to be a dumbbell bench soon and some dumbbells. Although I still have about 10 months left of 18 in my gym contract ... The gym has been good, still is and will be for as long as I am still going. I just know that I perform much better on my own. Too many people down there using too many machines all at one. Just sticking with dumbbells and a bench has been an excellent plan to avoid the tension and also placed me well for continuing at home. I used to have a full workout bench with barbell, but have decided that takes up too much space and is too heavy to cart from house to house. (renting) Dumbells alone are more than enough with other body resistance, walking and whatnot.

The hole thing with controlling what I eat is overall the answer to keep fit! The Gym was just another step in my final comeback. Nothing more.

Time to go recharge in that morning sun ... might quickly see if I can rip one of the above books.
____________________________________

May I ask Dahila ... What do you mean by "your own booth?" Have you not been by yourself all the time selling at the markets, or is that what you meant when you said that. I think it's fantastic that it's all coming to fruition for you. You have fostered that project well.

Take care ... and thanks for the encouragement re my writings.

PS - special hello to John if your our there. Miss ya buddy.

[Ponder]

Sweet ... Just found the Audio Book - Emotional Freedom ... going to walk with that over the next few days.

[Dahila]

Hi this is fantastic topic. I like to start from the end. I had rented the table in someone else booth. Now I have my own, From September first and I had sold more in this time that in 8 months I was renting the table, I do not pay a lot just 13 dollars more ...........It feels good to be independent
Emotional vampires. So many people are, my ex husband is, as soon as I am in the same room with him, he feels so good, I am drained, just to be there.
You know that for years I was working with pendulum and tarot, not only tarot, different kinds of divination too. I had not choice but to protect myself. I had eventually got drained so much I quit doing it on daily bases.
There is a way of protecting yourself but it is difficult to be always on it.
I am kind of naive, giving more credit to people that they deserve. I will be like that to the very end of my life.
yeah your situation is difficult, and I have no idea how you stay sane. You struggle daily. Dave you are the most loyal and feeling person I know.
I have no idea what i would do, in your situation. I got divorced cause I could not deal with his bipolar anymore. I know the decision I made after 14 years of marriage was too late for my children health. eh..
I always imagine you in the first rays of sun walking alone, focusing on universe, it makes me happy.
Emotional freedom: I do not think you or I will be ever free from it, but it makes us human, does it not?
Yes you are right to watch the friendships, I know that most people need me and they pretend to be friends. At least I had not meet a lot of people who do not have interest in the friendship for their selfish reasons. D. Family is sometimes the worst enemy of us. They will take us for granted and use us. You know that, I know that too, it is all in our life............
I am jumping all over with the thread, I hope you will get me, you usually do.............. not many people can, my son does, he completely get me, maybe we are so similar in emotional responses........

[Ponder]

I surely do get ya. I reply in full later. Just read through and so pleased you have had time to respond like so of late. TY. I got to keep moving ... Back later.

[Ponder]

arrr ... I understand now re your market table. Yea, it must be way better renting your own spot as opposed to sharing out of the same spot. It's amazing what that feeling of independence can do for you.

I'm glad you found something that helps you deal with people who thrive on sucking the life out of others. Even if that practice in itself can be a little draining. Everything we do comes at a cost. I think it's just they way the universe works.

I came across an interesting quote this morning:

“There’s only one thing harder than accepting this, and that is not accepting it.”
― Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

I guess the trick is in the way we accept it. Accepting has nothing to do with allowing ourselves to be drained, dominated, abused or whatever; but more to do with no longer resisting the reality of our situation. I think it was some podcast I heard something or other about how Change is always met with resistance when it comes to migrating from negative behavioural patterns into a positive ones ... or that in fact, any kind of change in our brains neural net.

Perhaps a little weird how I can draw from a philological standpoint of some weight loss podcast, and then mix with Byron Katie's philosophy ... more so in contrast to yet another one of her quotes:

“I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. We can know that reality is good just as it is, because when we argue with it, we experience tension and frustration. We don’t feel natural or balanced. When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.”
― Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life

I guess not easily understood by those that can only make sense out of life by justifying their suffering. Typically be clinging to old hurts by way of not giving up their stories. I believe the later is why this book is quite controversial to many who read it and whilst they despise the book, they feverishly can't stop talking about it. lol ... srry but that alone is also quite revealing. I actually find it a little hard to take in myself (no doubt I myself still have much to accept), however find there is much in it that resonates with a lot of I previously gleaned. Perhaps my next read ... text to speech no doubt.
__________________________________

Re the emotional freedom - To be free or not? I have moments when I am free and guess I live for those despite the cage of an imposed existence. To exist or not? "I do not exist" as much as "I have no age" come's the quotes from an Audio Dharma Talk ... I am free from it, when able to unlearn all that garbage they taught us in school ... when I am able to say no to KFC and all forms of processed food. In fact, I am free from emotion, when I strive to no longer be human. Being human is overrated! We need not act like humans just because we appear to look like one. That is how I believe when it comes to unlearning! Is how I no longer wave a flag, believe in the powers that be, or give credit to those who do good deeds. Yet the latter is not as it appears, as I am still open to seeking true compassion and love. Just not the way our society perceives or teaches it.

Time to go get more of that early morning sun

[Ponder]

Emotional freedom: I do not think you or I will be ever free from it, but it makes us human, does it not?

Well said!!!

[Dahila]

I really like your post D. The acceptance; everything depends on how we accept it, we can fight with it, and lose or try to accept and fit pieces in the puzzle. Of course it is easier to type it that to do it. I do lately and exercise few times a day....... I think ie; I am so happy I have a place to follow my passion. (finished basement) Then I am so happy I still walk when so many people can not. On market so many people come , disable people, it gives me completely different view of my life. Actually, I am pretty happy. I am.
In the moment we stop struggling there comes relieve........ peace,
I think I need to read less of religious discussion between Poles. It pisses me off, makes me upset and the fanatics tell me I will go to hell.....................I am already there, now I am trying to get to heaven)
In Poland there is a situation when the government does not respect human's rights. it break my heart............. well I need to focus more on now and here Thank you for the discussion D.

[Ponder]

I'm sorry dahlia - but I have to log the following in. Is simply the truth about how I currently feel:
___________________________

Eating like a clean vegan for quite some time now. Nothing seems to work. Have tried all the creams, the sits baths, hot baths, oils, and all the other methods listed in "another" forum. I have changed doctors, been treated like a hypochondriac, lack the money to just simply go get surgery and rar rar rar ...

I was finally put on a waiting list to see the general surgeon ... I have at least one more year to suffer like this. Everyday I take a crap, no matter how soft it is ... I always end up in pain. I have been demoralized more and more with each passing day. I have for some time tried to keep spirited, chin up and solider on ... all that BS and so on & on. "OH I HAVE LEARNED SO MUCH FROM MY PAIN ... Ty Lord Jesus ... TY Universe ... TY for teaching me so much via my busted ass. Oh please Sir - give me *&&%ing More!!!

I know not the terminology these people with their busted ass use, however I know the pain so very well. I was living month to month, week to week, day to day ... but now I know I have at least one more year before seeing another quack in it's white coat to further make judgments upon myself ... I fear the pain is too much to bear. I cant stand it any more.
______________________________

$$$ all comes down to money in the end. Pffft.
People say Tinnitus drives many to suicide. I have that too ... nothing compares to an anal fissure that will simply not heal. *&^%ing idiots also know I am pensioned off with mental illness and still they want to make we wait another year. Un*&%en believable!!!

There ... that's my *&^%ing Rant!!!

Is OK though ... I am sure I will continue to suffer.

Just really needed to get that out of my system. TY.

[Ponder]

Disclaimer: Just for that Fucking Religious Dingbat Mother of Mine and the rest of that retarded family that loves to stalk me/family in this forum/elsewhere - the above is nothing more than a healthy expression. I'M NOT GOING TO KILL MYSELF DICKHEADS!

Last time I expressed like so, those religious fucks rang the cops to which ended up on my door step like a bunch of Nazi Storm Troopers. I had a pair of militarized penguins on my doorstep who patronized me like the retards my religious family be and car load of paper bag puppets waiting further down the road.

Hurry up and die you old fucking neurotic hag ... and if your also reading sis ... go troll another family. We will never adopt such fucking retarded beliefs!

I hope this concludes your discipleship ... let go ... go be with your God. Job well done. Time do die now.

I'll continue to soldier on ...

Fucking Dingbats!!!

[Ponder]

WOW - I feel much better already.

Could not of timed that more perfectly.


Hope this finds you well Dahila. I hear you loud and clear, although you speak with such a kind and soft heart...but watch out when grandma lets it rip hey. LOL this forum often requires such a shake up from time to time and I know exactly where your coming from when you let it rip. Just as I have done in here. You always seem to do it better than I - Nothing wrong with your English whatsoever!!!

Yea ... fuck all that religious crap. Very glad you have brought it up. You know something ... I need some firing up. Please don't hesitate to throw a few more logs on the fire. Just what I need at this point and time.

Fuck em ... Fuck em all! We can speak petals and roses once the fire dulls a little ... but for now ... good topic.

A little feeding session would be enlightening I thinks. Fuck the church were you live and fuck the government where you live ... fuck the ones over here and fuck them all.

Time for my walk.