Have you ever felt this while having a conversation?

[TheChildhoodLane]

I have severe social phobia along with other phobias like fear of germs, fear of losing something that's precious to me etc.
I also have extreme form of scrupulosity (religious/moral OCD). Whenever i'm alone, my mind is flooded with blasphemous thoughts on God and with negative thoughts that someone from my family is gonna have an accident. But when i'm out in the public , my scrupulosity stops troubling me and my social anxiety kicks in , as my mind would be filled with thoughts like people might be staring at me, laughing at me or judging me.

Now there's this thing i'm noticing for quite some time now and i'm not sure whether it has anything to do with social phobia or something else but i'll post it anyway.
Most of my conversations with new people starts out totally fine, like we would start talking about a particular subject, things like sports, religion, politics etc.
And like any other normal person i would share my views and opinions on that matter. For the first few minutes of our conversation, my mind remains totally free from any kind of disturbing/unwanted/intruisive thoughts and lets me totally concentrate on our discussion. But as our conversation builds, there's this thought or voice inside my head that pops up out of nowhere and tells me that i won't be able to hold on to this normal self of mine any longer, that i won't be able to keep this mask of a sane person any longer. It's like i've hired a cloak to hide my true self. And when these thoughts or voices starts to flood my mind in the middle of a discussion , a fear sets in , that i might lose this cloak of sanity that's helping me to hide my deformed state of mind.

So when these thoughts/voices/fears starts popping up in the middle of a discussion , my whole body starts to freeze up, my speech gets stuck, i get lost for words and sometimes i end up speaking the wrong words. And then another fear would set in. The fear that the guy sitting across me would start laughing at me any moment or so.

Have any of you felt anything like this while you were in the middle of a conversation with people other than your family? Thanks.

[Ponder]

Scrupulosity? Talk about the industry creating more need. LMFAO.

YES ... perfectly normal. Sadly this happens regularly. Scrupulosity as you call it, is also often related to schizophrenia. Very much so. I was able to put that to bed after a long period of unlearning. Giving up my religion so to speak. Best thing I ever did. Since then, this "Scrupulosity" is but a fleeting phase long gone.

As for the rest ... learn how the mind works via some of Echhkart Tolle's teachings.

The Power of Now - or a New Earth ... Take your pick.

[TheChildhoodLane]

Thanks for the recommendations. I'll give them a read
But for me it's hard to give up my religion and become an atheist.
I'm a strong believer of karma. I fear that if i give up my religion or the path of goodness , then i will be judged above.
So there you go , i have Hadesphobia as well, which is fear of hell. lol

[Ponder]

For sure, letting go of limiting beliefs is no easy task. From what I have read, Karma is more about cause and effect. Religion has actually twisted the term like it does with everything else. We are taught to fear the unknown by making up all kinds of hell. It helps to keep people in their place. I'm always listening to Dharma Talks that draw from various Buddhists teachings, but without all the fear mongering such as hell and the like.

Focus on the fear - then you will always remain scared, focus on peace - then you may find relief. It's easy to remain living in fear, not so to find peace. Apparently it does get easier the more we practice.

[Gingerbread Bat]

Yes, I get this as well. I often get thoughts that the person I am talking to just hates me, it is only rarely that I get voices. I sometimes get false memories, and they seem to become worse when I feel anxious. I am trying to unlearn this behavior as it is destructive. It also causes me to say things that are not true.

I am currently I am trying out an aromatherapy necklace to help brings my mind back to reality. So far it has helped. It seems to calm me down quickly.

[Ponder]

"...... aromatherapy necklace ...." Not that I would feel comftable with a necklace - The idea of taking something out of my pocket or maybe having an aroma wrist band/watch would be cool. I can see how that could work. For sure. Great Idea.

[maximadam]

I've had experiences like that. Usually just a fear of not knowing what to say or anticipating that I would stutter. Instead of fearing these events I tried to accept them.

[scaredskirt]

I haven't had ALL of those particular experiences, but I do have a huge fear of people laughing at me or about me, and even if I'm at a social gathering (especially if it's family) and I hear someone laugh from another part of the room, that possibly has nothing to do with what I've just said, I'm sure they are laughing about me. Also, I get so stressed when talking to people (mostly in packed rooms where the noise levels are hard to control) that it's all I can manage to make myself look at the person and nod, because at this point I haven't heard a word they've said, whether it's actually from the noise level, or because I've gone away to a safe place in my mind...you know?