It always annoyed me when people respond to these sort of posts by saying "you're not a bad person" since they don't know anything about the person they're talking about beyond what they were told. In a way it felt better seeing a post where the person actually has a reason for calling themselves terrible but people insist that its nothing. (That alone makes me feel bad for wanting the person to actually be bad, but that is only a small part of it.)
I know I'm not completely delusional. I repel people and refuse to get close to people. I act withdrawn and cold to strangers and even to my own family. I am lazy at school and don't work nearly as hard as all my friends, which spend most nights working past midnight while I barely put any effort in. I tell myself that I'm going to change and be better and act better but it never happens.
I want to force myself to work harder, I want to force myself to be nicer, and I want to force myself to be a decent human being, but it never seems to happen.
It makes me wonder what my life would be if I could only tell the truth about myself and how much of an ass I am to others. I'd be alone, I wouldn't be able to hold a job, I couldn't go to college, etc. There is only so much people can tolerate.
I wish there was an easy way to change, but how could I? I am all too comfortable with being a terrible, over-dramatic, lousy, awful, lazy teenager who can seem to understand human decency.
I don't know what to do anymore.