Hi guys, not sure where to start exactly...
From a young age I have always felt that something was different with me, but never knew what it was. As I got older,
I started reading about mental health, found some disorders I had some symptoms of, but it never quite hit the mark.
Recently, I read about Generalized Anixety Disorder and think I finally may have found what's going on.
My brain feels like it's in overdrive ALL.THE.TIME. I hardly ever really feel happy (although I live a good, comfortable life) because I think about all the things that aren't the way they should be or what could go wrong in the future. Mostly, this is an issue in my marriage. An example: My husbands father is sick. He wants to take care of his mother, so he wants to go to lunch with her on sundays. I am super afraid of people being up in my business and would rather not have ANY in-laws, but I do. She's a nice lady. Now we've been out to lunch with her for some months on sundays, and I completely panic that it will be like this for the REST of MY LIFE.
We were in a relationship for a long time before we got married. He put it off quite a bit. There were times when everything was ok and then, pretty much out of nowhere, this though popped up in my head. "He'll never marry you. He never will. He just wants to keep you so you're too old later to find someone else."
My mood can shift in minutes.
I hate not to be in control. I think I must control everything at all times. My husband suggests something we could do on a weekend, but I already made a plan in my head. I am completely offended and afraid to lose control. I want things to go the way I planned.
I read something and it triggers a thought which trigger another thought- for example: Someone in an atricle mentions a smoothie. I think: A smoothie, yes. Why do I never have enough smoothies? Why do I not think of that? I then beat myself up for not having thought of that before and it goes on and on and on.
Yearly performance reviews with my boss are THE WORST for me. I go crazy days before. My blood pressure is super high and I am restless. I am so afraid of criticism I completely stopped talking to a friend I had had for years when I was younger (this has gotten better though) because she wanted to have "a talk" with me.
I have no social phobia though(maybe a bit when I was younger), I actually like to be the center of attention and have no sleep issues.