Too Long!

[T00Long]

I could have started in the Welcome thread but if I'm going to dump I just didn't want to do it twice. I am 51 and have been suffering from something??? for over 20 years. I posted to the "General" thread because I have such a bizarre range of issues that I wouldn't know where to start.
I should have known something was wrong from the time that I was a teenager but anxiety and depression were not spoken of back then and there certainly was no internet. As a kid I suffered from a performance anxiety. I always thought that I had to be perfect and that I was being watched so sports became a dead end. The one place I could excel was swimming because it was an individual sport and once I hit that water I was alone. First time sexual encounters nearly always failed because of my anxiety. Fast forward.......Long time in the Marines.........adulthood.
I was always a bit depressed and thought I needed a change so at 24 I picked up my entire life and moved to a state where I knew no one. I was able to reinvent myself and met my wife within the first month of living in my new location.
First time I was able to see any physical manifestation of my anxiety was driving to the airport with my wife (then girlfriend) heading to my sisters wedding. It would be my first time home in years and would also be the first time I would introduce my girlfriend/wife to my parents. I was in the airport terminal and struck with double vision. No idea why at the time. Double vision would be with me for years afterwards as I began to understand why and when it was happening.
Next symptom, balance. This happened quite unexpectedly at a party and it was considered "too much to drink". Not the case but the only explanation.

Now in my 50's I seem to be plagued by balance and breathing. The breathing is new and put me in the hospital for a few days because no one new why I couldn't breath (compounded with high bp everyone thought the worst). I realized it was stress that was being compounded by thoughts of transferring out of state and leaving my family behind. I felt like I had run a marathon and just couldn't get any air. The balance thing is ridiculous because my whole body goes stiff and I can't get my joints to bend. Alcohol, only in public, makes this worse. I start having a mini stroke that affects my coordination and speech as I start to slur my words after one beer. Ruined a small family vacation we just took because dad had to be taken back to the room after dinner and 2 glasses of wine.

I can no longer walk into a supermarket without being short of breath and stumbling. No longer meet friends after work for a beer because I become a stumble drunk. I can't walk down the street without being short of breath and stumbling. My one solitary activity that I have left is my motorcycle and it is starting to affect that too. As the symptoms begin I feel like the whole world knows it so the affliction just get worse. At what point am I no longer able to get out of the house and go to work?

I've dumped (left out a lot) and I'm done.

[Nowuccas]

Welcome to the forum. Most of your symptoms can be explained by anxiety, as shown below. You don't mention anything about any treatments that you have tried over the years.

Another forum member provided the following useful information:

Common Anxiety Symptoms - AnxietyCentre.com

Here are some of the many symptoms associated with anxiety disorder (because each person has a unique chemical make up, the symptoms and their intensity will vary from person to person).

The Member's area of this website contains explanations on what causes many of these symptoms and why they occur:
Body

* Burning Sensations throughout the body
* Chronic Fatigue
* Electric shock feeling
* Excess of energy, you feel you can’t relax
* Feel like you are going to pass out or faint
* Feeling cold or chilled
* Hyperactivity, excess energy
* Increased or decreased sex drive
* Muscle twitching
* Neck, back, shoulder pain, tightness/stiffness
* No energy, feeling lethargic, tired
* Numbness or tingling in hands, feet, face, head, or any other places on the body
* Persistent muscle tension, stiffness
* Sore or tight scalp or back of the neck
* Startle easily
* Sweating, uncontrollable profuse sweating
* The floor feels like it is moving either down or up for no reason
* Trembling or shaking
* Urgency to urinate, frequent urination, sudden urge to go to the washroom
* Warm spells
* Weak legs, arms, or muscles

Chest

* Chest pain or discomfort
* Concern about the heart
* Feel like you have to force yourself to breath
* Find it hard to breath, feeling smothered, shortness of breath
* Frequent yawning to try and catch your breath
* Heart – beating hard or too fast, rapid heartbeat, palpitations
* Heart - Irregular heart rhythms, flutters or ‘skipped’ beats, tickle in the chest that makes you cough

Emotions

* Dramatic mood swings
* Emotional blunting
* Emotions feel wrong
* Frequently feel like crying for no reason

Fears

* A heightened fear of what people think of you
* Afraid of being trapped in a place with no exits
* Constant feeling of being overwhelmed.
* Fear of being in public
* Fear of dying
* Fear of losing control
* Fear of impending doom
* Fear of making mistakes or making a fool of yourself to others
* Fear that you are losing your mind
* Fears about irrational things, objects, circumstances, or situations
* Fears of going crazy, of dying, of impending doom, of normal things, unusual feelings and emotions, unusually frightening thoughts or feelings
* Heightened self awareness, or self-consciousness
* Need to find nearest washrooms before you can feel comfortable
* Need to seat near exits

Head

* Dizziness or light-headedness
* Frequent headaches, migraine headaches
* Feeling like there is a tight band around your head, pressure, tightness
* Head, neck or shoulder pain, tightness/stiffness
* Giddiness
* Shooting pains in the face
* Shooting pains in the scalp or head
* When you close your eyes you feel like are beginning to, or will, float upwards
* Sore jaw that feels like a tooth ache

Hearing

* Frequent or intermittent reduced hearing or deafness in one or both ears
* Low rumbling sounds
* Ringing in the ears, noises in the ears, noises in the head

Mind

* Desensitization, depersonalization
* Fear of going crazy
* Fear of losing control
* Fear of impending doom
* Feelings of unreality
* Frequent feeling of being overwhelmed, or that there is just too much to handle or do
* Having difficulty concentrating
* Obsession about sensations or getting better
* Repetitive thinking or incessant ‘mind chatter’
* Underlying anxiety, apprehension, or fear
* You often feel you are carrying the world on your shoulders

Mood

* Always feeling angry and lack of patience
* Depression
* Feeling down in the dumps
* Feeling like things are unreal or dreamlike
* Frequently being on edge or 'grouchy'
* Frequently feel like crying for no apparent reason
* Have no feelings about things you used to
* Underlying anxiety, apprehension, or fear
* You feel like you are under pressure all the time

Mouth/Stomach

* A ‘tinny’, ‘metallic’ or ‘ammonia’, or unusual smell or taste
* Choking
* Constant craving for sugar or sweets
* Constipation
* Diarrhea
* Difficulty swallowing
* Dry mouth
* Feeling like you can’t swallow properly or that something will get caught in your throat
* Feeling like your tongue is swollen
* Frequent upset stomach, bloating, gaseous
* IBS
* Lack of appetite or taste
* Nausea or abdominal stress
* The thought of eating makes you nauseous
* Tight throat, lump in throat
* Vomiting

Sleep

* Difficulty falling or staying asleep
* Frequent bad, bizarre, or crazy dreams
* Hearing sounds in your head that jolt you awake
* Insomnia, or waking up ill in the middle of the night
* Jolting awake
* Waking up in a panic attack
* You feel worse in the mornings

Sight

* Distorted, foggy, or blurred vision
* Dry, watery or itchy eyes
* Eye tricks, seeing things our of the corner of your eye that isn’t there, stars, flashes
* Eyes sensitive to light
* Spots in the vision
* Flashing lights when eyes are closed
* Your depth perception feels wrong

Touch

* Numbness
* Pain
* Tingling, pins and needles feelings

Other symptoms are described as:
Being like a hypochondriac, muscle twinges, worry all the time, tingles, gagging, tightness in the chest, tongue twitches, shaky, breath lump, heart beat problems, head tingles, itchy tingling in arms and legs, and so many more.

In addition to these symptoms, you may also find yourself worrying compulsively about:
• Having a heart attack
• Having a serious undetected illness
• Dying prematurely
• Going insane or losing your mind
• Harming yourself or someone you love uncontrollably
• Being embarrassed or making a fool out or yourself
• Losing control
• Fainting in public
• Not breathing properly
• Choking or suffocating
• Being alone

(NOTE: Each symptom is further described and explained in the Symptoms Demystifed section in the members area.)

These are some of the more common symptoms, but this list is certainly not exhaustive.

It is common for people to experience one or more of these symptoms. While some may experience them all others may experience only a few anxiety symptoms.

[Nowuccas]

Only you know if the following applies in your case:

From http://www.vitamindwiki.com/Handout+...-+Gominak+2012 by neurologist Dr. S. Gominak:

"If you have a neurologic problem that is severe enough to see a neurologist, you probably do not heal your body in sleep as perfectly as you once did. Most of us who have headaches, tremor, balance difficulties, vertigo, burning in the feet, depression, body pain, or memory loss have abnormal sleep and, surprisingly, fixing the sleep can fix the neurologic problem. From 2005-2009 I performed sleep studies on most of my patients and used medications or sleep masks to try to help their sleep. In 2009 I accidentally discovered that most of my patients had abnormal sleep because they were vitamin D deficient".

View the article in full, if you think it applicable. 59% of Americans have insufficient levels; 95% of those with higher melanin pigmentation.

"Vitamin D3 Cured my Anxiety, Depression, and Panic Disorder", (by another forum member) is at http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showth...hlight=vitamin

My previous post about vitamin D may be viewed at: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showth...476#post228476

Other relevant posts:

GENERALISED ANXIETY DISORDER: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showth...989#post223989

PERFORMANCE ANXIETY: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showth...rmance-anxiety

HERBAL ANXIOLYTICS / ANTI-ANXIETY SUBSTANCES: (passionflower, valerian, St. John's Wort, etc.) http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showth...415#post225415

NON HERBAL NATURAL (NON PHARMACEUTICAL) ANXIOLTYICS: (5-htp, SAMe, etc.) http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showth...lease!!!/page2

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Some suggestions:

Learn, become proficient in, and employ acupressure tapping / EFT, and progressive muscle relaxation, ( http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html ) using whichever you find most effective.

Give the Meridian Tapping Technique / EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via mercola.com or www.tapping.com (13 free videos), or www.eftuniverse.com or www.emofree.com or one of the many YouTube videos. Google: "YouTube; EFT videos".
Professionally instructed is generally preferable (Google: therapists; EFT; [your location] or mercola.com has a locator). - There is a version for use in public places at http://eft.mercola.com (if you like, you can claim to have a headache, as you employ the acupressure massage / tapping on your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I have anxiety, I deeply and completely accept myself)."

Once you are proficient in MTT /EFT, you could try using acupressure tapping in the open, in an unobtrusive way, by tapping on your thighs with fingertips as you walk, and subvocalising with your preference in wording. If anyone asks, you could say that it's just a nervous habit.


Use the relaxation methods at http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mind...Meditation.htm
or www.wikihow.com/Meditate or the Yoga Nidra, (actually a meditative practice; a series of simple mental exercises only; no flexibility required) at http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showth...951#post224951

Some people are still dismissive of them, but scientific testing has demonstrated conclusively that they increase activity and may, after regularly practising for a couple of months, result in a thickening of the walls of the prefrontal cortex, and better enable it and the hippocampus to control the amygdala, which is the fear centre of the brain, where panic attacks originate.

Learn them at least a few hours apart, and preferably on different days, in the morning, or early afternoon. Use the one you find most effective. A minimum of 10 mns is recommended; 15 is better, and 20 is ideally preferred. Optimal results come from use twice daily, morning, and early afternoon, if possible, but once is fine, and is probably more realistically achievable in most households today.

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If I was in your position, I'd adopt the above techniques, optimise vitamin D levels and take a high quality multivitamin / mineral supplement, such as xtend-life.com Men's Premium (online) or Swisse (pharmacies/supermarkets) and review the situation in a few months to see if improved considerably, (in which case, maintain them) before considering trying the non-pharmaceutical anxiolytics (anti-anxiety substances) or therapy and/or medications (I rarely recommend them).

[cloudy black]

yeah you and me both. and now there is too much information and doc etc like to dish out labels like smarties.

yeah getting older aint for the faint hearted. best to stop thinking about what other people think. i am blessed/cursed with not giving a damn at times and then i feel shite! but seriously other people are not your problem its you who is your problem!

your self esteem sounds dire sometimes i also call this the inner core of who you are and to me it sounds like you dont really know yourself. maybe start reading some self help books. when was the last time you relaxed and felt comfortable in your own skin?

might be an idea to start getting a tool kit together for survival of anxiety levels ok here goes a couple that i do
1. listening to perscriptive music for persistant depression, (depression is linked with anxiety i believe)
it says to listen to it twice a day for 30 days but i did this for 5 months everyday twice a day as the depression and rapid thinking would not shift and it did help me.
2. taking 10 mins out to sit with myself and to not let myself overthink and not to finish a thought to the end of a sentence

those are just two of the things i do

[cloudy black]

This music has been designed to help those with a persistent depression and anxiety. It's aim is to correct a hemispheric asymmetry that is common in depressed individuals. This can be achieved through the help of isochronic tones. (Played in stereo in the left and right ear - different tones)

Persistently depressed people tend to have an overactive right (emotional) hemisphere. This session therefore reduces activity in the right brain hemisphere, while increasing activity in the left, giving more control over to the left (logical) brain and reducing irrational and overly emotional thought patterns.


HEADPHONES ARE REQUIRED for this music to work. The music will not help everyone, the same as medication will not help everyone, but it may just help and it's worth a try.

I would strongly suggest listening to this over a period of a month - 2 times per day. Over time, new neural pathways may form and may just help you to conquer depression.

Please note: PLEASE CONSULT YOUR MEDICAL GP /MD IF YOUR DEPRESSION OR ANXIETY IS ONGOING