negative thoughts and feelings

[petrichor]

hello! i just thought i'd get a few things off my chest, so here i am.
i've noticed something, and it's my tendency to overthink during vacations. i don't know why i am more prone to reel myself into this bubble of stress during breaks. i guess it just sort of happens because i never really have anything to do. when i'm not with my friends, i'm in my room. being alone means being with no one but your mind. unfortunately, my mind tends to be very unhealthy. i've been thinking a lot about past memories - memories that i hate remembering. these memories are either bad or humiliating, and frankly, i hate being stuck with them. they just weigh me down. i'd like to think i have grown up to be a much better and open-minded person than i was as a child. i was immature and childish when i was younger, and that came with a lot of bad experiences that i still remember. i try to move on but i'm constantly reminded of them, which hinder my process of becoming a much better person. these memories make me feel like i'm a bad person. mind you, those experiences weren't anything illegal, just...just stupid and horrible. they have a huge impact on me. i find myself distressed and agitated. i always fear people will discover those stupid experiences and change their perspective of me. i worry about this a lot.

i also have a tendency to make decisions based on how other people will feel about it/react to it rather than how i'd benefit from it. i don't know if that made any sense, but i just live my life based on other people's...mindset, i suppose. it sucks. i just worry about what people may think of me. i don't want to be judged and i absolutely hate being judged. it scares me. i was out with my mother, her friend, and a group of people for this trip yesterday, and i don't know why, but i felt judged by them all. perhaps they thought of me as a pathetic person? i don't know. i also tend to have really negative thoughts and feelings, things i don't want to experience.

i'm just really tired of feeling like i'm a bad person. that's all i rant about to my close friends. it's almost always my source of problems, the thing i go to my friends to vent about. one of them always tell me to stop being so harsh on myself...i don't know, though. that's how i live. if i have nothing to worry about, then i immediately think there's something wrong. i'm supposed to be worrying about something because that's just how i've grown to live.

that's all...thank you!

[A.Shanks]

For negative thoughts and feelings I try to use phrases or mantra's to counter act them or diminish their power. I seem to have a lot of the same negative thoughts as you.
On being judged: "What they think of me is none of my buisness"
On memories that i hate remembering" "No one else is thinking about this." I don't know why but that take the pressure off the memory.

If you try not to be a bad person then there is very little chance you will end up being a bad person. And the people who know you and love you know that. Give yourself a break. You deserve it.

[petrichor]

For negative thoughts and feelings I try to use phrases or mantra's to counter act them or diminish their power. I seem to have a lot of the same negative thoughts as you.
On being judged: "What they think of me is none of my buisness"
On memories that i hate remembering" "No one else is thinking about this." I don't know why but that take the pressure off the memory.

If you try not to be a bad person then there is very little chance you will end up being a bad person. And the people who know you and love you know that. Give yourself a break. You deserve it.

i suppose so and i will try the phrases...thank you for replying! :-)

[Kirk]

Old habits are tough to break and will take time for them to diminish, but with persistence and hard work you will be able to overcome them.

[Kirk]

Too bad I can't understand what is being said in the previous post.