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  1. #151
    This pain is about belonging because somewhere along the way, I stopped trying to be myself, and forgot about all there is to make me unique. I don't know how it happened. I guess I couldn't handle the hits towards my personality any more. I just gave up. Like a flower that shrivels without enough water and sunlight, I couldn't find a space to call my own. The others are all alike, me... No energy to flourish, only to hold on a little more.

    Sorry for the dramatic words. Trying to purge this pain out of my system.
    "Space and time and thought are not the separate things they appear to be." -- Wesley Crusher
    The world is not ready for such dangerous nonsense, when do you think it is ever going to be???

  2. #152
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2013
    Location
    Australia
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    5,733
    Not at all. I like descriptive writing very much.
    https://www.twitch.tv/l_plate_dave

  3. #153
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Maryland (MD)
    Posts
    1,157
    As I have said before, BB, you are important, your life matters and you will get through this temporary rough period. You have the strength to do it.

  4. #154
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Maryland (MD)
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    1,157
    Too bad I can't understand Vietnamese.

  5. #155
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Maryland (MD)
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    1,157
    I don't have anyone on ignore, as I am always willing to hear what others have to say, as other viewpoints may be helpful and they may knowledge and experience in a certain situation that I lack.

  6. #156
    No man, I am not ignoring someone's words, those guys are not saying anything, even google translate won't work on those words, not really...
    "Space and time and thought are not the separate things they appear to be." -- Wesley Crusher
    The world is not ready for such dangerous nonsense, when do you think it is ever going to be???

  7. #157
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Maryland (MD)
    Posts
    1,157
    BB, I agree with you.

  8. #158
    I know what drives us towards empty pursuits. We want to be like others. We forget about who we are ourselves. This is the high I was talking about in another thread. We want and want and want. But never get enough of it. We are further and further away from ourselves. So, the high is even deeper with more steps further. It must be such a thrill. Shame I never had fun with such things...
    "Space and time and thought are not the separate things they appear to be." -- Wesley Crusher
    The world is not ready for such dangerous nonsense, when do you think it is ever going to be???

  9. #159
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2015
    Location
    magic round about
    Posts
    310
    bb - 07-12-16 It doesn't matter how interesting I try to keep it. Because there is nothing around that makes me feel like me. And I am trying to deal with this one for a few days. But it's too hard.

    yes i so get you with this it is something i am experiencing very intensely at the mo. i am experiencing almost a split like i am disconnected in a way that is much deeper and disturbing. so much so that i went for a diabetis test a few days ago.

    yes knowing yourself better helps in the long run it reduces the emotionally charged triggers. being in the now is what i am doing more somehow i am managing to do this in spite of this splitting sensation i am not sure whether a life time of acute anxiety is taking its toll on me or what.

    I let go of control over their feelings or insecurities and focused on mine. And instantly the pressure faded away. I think this is it. If I can keep this up, I will not feel the need to hide. fantastic that you are taking responsibility for yourself. i can relate to lots of what you say in your posts. making things conscious is the beginning of the healing i reckon. gradually i have been bringing things to consciousness, just lately its the random guilt dialogue that i find myself in. that is something that oh i guess has been going on for the longest time. and now it seems like the time to focus on this as my "project" to bring it into the light so to speak.

    as you may have gathered i dont get on the forum that often these days as i am having lots of stuff going on at the mo. i find your posts very interesting and it helps me. but i am away a lot at the mo.

    I can't fucking talk about it! Because I don't know what the fuck my future will bring me! But yeah, acting like everything is just fucking fine! I wish I could be there so I would not need to complain or try to have friends online.

    it takes time to unravel our lives and you are doing very well to keep on talking because that brings things out into the open and that will go some way to being conscious about the things that are unconsciously driving you at the mo. its a process a journey if you will.

    gotta go now
    cough and the world coughs with you. fart and you fart alone
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