Uncomfortable with normalcy

[tidalpine]

After 2 weeks of pure hell with my anxiety, depression, PMS, and panic attacks, and agoraphobia, i can somewhat see the light at the end of the tunnel. however, you would think that in this case i would be ecstatic and completely overjoyed, and i am! buuuuuuuttttt since ive been in a cycle of anxiety/panic/sadness for constantly for 2 weeks, now that my body is recovering, it's like my body wants to reject the normalcy.

Like, my body feels like theres something wrong with being normal. how silly is that???? And then it produces more anxiety, as i overanalyze and try to identify all of these feelings and sensations.
it just kinda sucks having a mind that likes to go 100 mph constantly.

is there any advice or anyone who can resonate with this? how long with this terrible anticipation last? its like being taunted almost

[TreeStar]

I think it might have to do with you being scared of feeling normal in case the feeling normal won't last.

I know on my good days I can't help but be afraid of feeling them and feeling good in case it doesn't last.

[KeepYourCalm]

First of all, thanks for sharing!

I agree with what TreeStar wrote above. It could be that your body is unconsciously afraid of the risk inherent in feeling happy and "normal."

Becasue in a way, feeling anxious and depressed can at least be something you can count on. When you hit rock bottom, you can at least be sure that there's nothing lower than that. You can grin and bear it and it's not like it's going to get much worse, right? So there's some weird sense of security and predictability in knowing that it's not going to get any worse than that.

On the other hand, feeling better and "normal" means you could hit rock bottom again in the future. By feeling better, you expose yourself to losing that feeling, and feeling bad again. And that is a very real risk that your body might be aware of and unconsciously protecting you from.

It's vicious cycle because what's happening is you're feeling anxious NOW about the possibility of feeling anxious again in the FUTURE. So it becomes this self-fulfilling prophecy that drains your attention and your energy and leaves you confused, exhausted and pessimistic.

My best advice to stop your racing thoughts and get out of analysis paralysis is to take action, like literally. I once heard someone say "nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action." And for me it's been a really useful advice. Whenever I can't seem to control my negative emotions, I do as many pushups as I can. Or I grab my jump ropes and knock myself out. I also run occasionally.

I find that the change of pace, the feeling of the cool breeze on my skin, getting my heart rate up and the enjoying the scenery helps reset my mood. It fills me with this overflowing sense of strength and invincibility that I find really uplifting and sobering.