Am I being paranoid or intuitive?

[Strangesteps]

I started dating a guy we'll call Jason at the beginning of this year. The previous summer, we had a fling but I was finishing up school and therefore lived in a different city than him, and I ended up telling him I wanted to focus on school. In the fall I ended up dating one of my coworkers (we'll call John), knowing well that it was out of loneliness; I just wanted a companion, all the while having feelings for Jason. I just didn't want to do long-distance--it stresses me out too much. When I came home for Christmas break Jason and I hung out a lot and it was clear to me I needed to end things with John.

I had one more month on my lease so I had to go live in my college town for that month and then move back home. Literally as soon as I got back to my apartment I ended things with John but didn't tell him there was someone else because I didn't want there to be drama and/or tension at work for my last month there. John was extremely upset by this but was also understanding. Later that night Jason and I had "the talk" and became boyfriend and girlfriend.

I still wanted to be friends with John. There were a few times when I texted him telling him I missed him and didn't want things to be how they were, and we even hung out. Nothing physical ever happened between us, we just watched documentaries and/or talked.

This is where the anxiety comes in. I told one of my good friends (who also worked with me and John) that I had cheated on him with Jason. I'm paranoid that if John were to find out I cheated he would try contacting my boyfriend (via Facebook?),sending him screenshots of the texts I sent him, making it look like we were still talking even though we weren't. It sounds childish but I think about it a lot and wonder how my boyfriend would react to that? I'm also not sure if I should tell him all of this because I don't want it to sound sketchy when nothing happened but I also want to be honest because I love and respect him so much.

Blah, my mind keeps racing about it. When I type it all out it sounds so silly and I realize there are a lot of "what if's" going through my mind. A lot of my anxiety revolves around intense guilt, even with careless mistakes. If for some reason John were to contact my boyfriend (from what I know he doesn't know who Jason is) I would feel so bad for not explaining the situation to him first. Ugh

[Dahila]

oh most people would wish for the problems you have. You want to keep him in case that the other guy does not come the way you want. Not nice, not nice at all. You know men do have feelings and they do deserve honesty. I had made the same mistakes too, and i do regret it.

Are you sure you are on right forum? It is anxiety forum.