I feel really lame to feel this way but its just kind of hard for me at the moment.

My father has been passed about for almost 5 years now and I always told myself that I would be the one who wouldn't mind or "feak out" if my mom started talking to another man. Well that day finally came and I am a whole mess of emotions. We've moved into this new place about 2 years ago now and we have this neighbor whom we both met. For the longest time my mom has been pretty firm that shes not interested in him and actually got kind of annoyed at his attempts to get closer to her. Now kind of out of the blue (for me atleast) shes talking to him, setting up a breakfast date and is inviting him into the house to watch a movie that she had me setup for them downstairs (right now).

I cannot say that I am really mad at her in any way shape or form because I understand loneliness and know how unfair it is for me to even fathom the fact that she can be fully satisfied with just me and her in the house and her alone watching tv sometimes while im on the computer. So that is part of the reason why im just a mess of anxiety type emotions. I feel like im supposed to be feeling anything because im a 24 year old adult and my mom is old enough to take care of herself and have her own relationships and live her own life. But I just cant shake this awkward feeling I have. I can't eat, my stomach is upset, and its just bad all around.

I also always had a bad habit of making scenarios worse than they are in my head (anxiety) for right now they are most likely not even close to any type of serious relationship past just talking together. But here I am thinking that things are going a million miles per hour and thinking about more intimate things going on (which frankly isnt any of my business I know). I guess part of it as well is just my anxiety acting up because im not a fan of big changes in any way.

So at the end of the day I just cant stop feeling bad for feeling bad about all of this. Sorry if this seems like just rambling, im just a mix of emotions right now.