Hi,
I am a 31-year-old Indonesian male.
I have had this..this fear..of meeting people and been socially awkward ever since I was a little kid.
To make matters worse..when I was in college a few years back I honestly did not know that I don't look my age..This is completely understandable in my opinion, because I attended college in China where most of the people there have young looking faces. I am of Chinese descent too, by the way.
Up until I got out of college and came back to Indonesia and dated this girl. At that time, people that knew her kept asking her how old I was because I looked like a teenager. That's when my self-esteem began to deteriorate even more....
To make matters even worse, I still live with my parents because I share an office with my father. Our office is just next door.
Now I don't look that young anymore, but still don't look my age either. Even after I grew mustache, beard, and all that.
People say that I should be thankful that I stay young and just shrug off people's negative opinions...well, easier said than done man...try putting yourselves in my shoes (..or my slippers )..
This hinders me to meet business partners, make new friends, etc..
It really bothers me a lot and makes me depressed.
I have seen several hypnotherapists, reiki masters, meditation gurus but this 'fear' just won't go away....
I try to meditate almost every day..every morning and every night..but I have not seen any significant changes also..
I also tend to be rude to people. Because....I dont know...my brain always tells me that if you act tough or rude, you will look more manly ( and somehow more mature as well? )....when in reality of course I wont look manly/ mature at all...Trust me, deep down, I am a very friendly person.
I like to help other people too. I want to be a healer. But, once again, my fear hinders me. Before I help people, I should be healed first, right? Question is how...
I have thought up every possible method..
I am hopeless...