AvPD - Could I have it?

[Nymira Blake]

Ever since I can remember, I have been petrified of talking to people. When I was a kid, it was passed off as shyness, which is exactly what I thought it was. But as I got older, I realised shyness couldn't be used as an excuse anymore. When I was in middle and high school, I realised that even though I want to have those certain people whom I can trust, talk to, laugh with, I was afraid to even try. The older I got, the worse it got. I used to be able to talk to people online easy enough, but now it's a battle unless I'm brought into a chat room with at least one person that I know. But in real life, it's absolute hell.

I'm 22 years old, but I get panic attacks every time I have to make a phone call or have to go ask someone a question in a store, doctor's office, etc. My grandmother laughs about it, but I don't find it funny in the least (I'm annoyed but I don't really fault her; she's not and never has been in the psychiatry/psychology fields).

When researching mental illnesses for a role-play character (RPing is the only time I have no fear of social interactions, oddly enough), I found avoidant personality disorder, and every single symptom that was mentioned, I have. The entire description is me to a T. Could I have this? I used to see a psychiatrist and I told him about it (while trying not to have a literal heart attack), but he did not call it that; he just labelled it as anxiety. I've heard of social anxiety, but is it one and the same or two completely different things?

[Dahila]

Welcome to forum Nymira, 50 years ago my family was treating me like crazy too, there was not such think , they believed as a panic attack or shyness. I would rather be sick that go to any gathering. Thanks to digital age we have a much better understanding what it is. People started to understand anxiety, stress, and the stigma of it easy up. I am old woman and went through a lot. I am antisocial as my children call me. My family is small very small like 4 people, the rest is in old country. Even with the small number of people at my table I get nervous and upset. I avoid it like a hell. There is actually a way to manage it. You need to find something you love doing so much that the presence and interaction with people stops bothering you. Google is our friend when we need to buy something, but not to diagnose the disease. I bet that 99% of people here suffer with Health anxiety, so do you, so do I,
Anxiety is a fear and can copy different patterns, I would try not to put any name on what you suffering. In time of healing you will put less attention on the "names" It is not important. What is important is YOu

Read please stickies , we have so many stories , beautiful stories here, and few awesome people, who will help you , support you...........)

[Anne1221]

I think you need a new Psychiatrist and one who will help you more. I don't know the label, but you definitely could benefit greatly from a GOOD Psychiatrist. If you can't go into an online chat room unless you know one person on there, you have a lot of anxiety, regardless of the official title. I wish you the best.

[Snakeadelic]

Nymira, what you are dealing with is NOT "basic, simple anxiety" or even the ever-popular current catch-all category of "generalized anxiety disorder" that happens to be my diagnosis. Anne is right--NEW DOCTOR NOW. Don't worry about whether they have PhD after their name! You will know the moment you are in a room with the one who 'clicks' with your needs. My mother considers my psychiatric care team inadequate because none of them have a PhD--there are all of 2 of those in my county, 1 with a disconnected number and the other NOT considering new patients. Meanwhile, Mom and I show the same symptoms, but I'm put on disability for life by a judge while her PhD "experts" in a different time zone say all she needs is sleep...and give her Wellbutrin! Normally that's not recommended as a sedative OR for women. My counselor is not a PhD and cannot prescribe me psych meds; it is my immense good fortune that she shares an office with someone qualified to prescribe AND not afraid of benzodiazepines. I've got a very comfortable 16-year history with diazepam/Valium to allay the inevitable addiction worries; the only reason I've sought alternative medication lately is that the benzos' side effects are becoming problematic--leaving me always groggy and tired out no matter how much I sleep.

Two things about your post immediately caught my attention. The first is your username, which reminds me a great deal of the name of Arya Stark's dire wolf from Game of Thrones. The second is that you have one situation where your triggers are disarmed. For me, the strangers-and-crowds trigger vanishes at small-venue rock concerts, but RPGs are absolutely NO stranger to my happy memories. I have 2 life partners, and other than both being men they could hardly be more different. The one I celebrated 11 years with last summer is a long-time gamer, as I am myself--at one point we decided to whip up our own system that took character generation from GURPs, combat rules from White Wolf, and "a shining air of hope and joy" from Call of Cthulhu.

I absolutely think pigeonholing your challenges as "social anxiety" is a mistake. Anxiety is as diverse as those of us who must face it every day. You will KNOW when you find the right counselor/therapist/psychiatrist. Do not waste your time on 'professionals' who dismiss you like it sounds as if you've already endured. In my very short time on this board so far, I have learned that there will ALWAYS be support when I'm in a tough situation, and I've seen nothing that makes me think you'd be supported any less through the intensely difficult process of finding the right psychiatric care.