I think I am f**ing crazey

[Nervous Ninny]

I have been living with my boyfriend since my kids left home. This summer we had a nasty break up. I have been dealing with more anxiety than ever. We have been kinda back together from time to time. I will be doing ok and getting used to being alone and he will call or text and then I my heart starts racing. I can't seem to keep myself from responding but I do not see a way this relationship can work out. He cheated with his Ex he tells me that all he did was one time however I have scoured his phone while he is asleep. He continued seeing her up until the time we started seeing each other again. He has lied a ridiculous amount, I check things on his phone and then ask him about them he just lies always trying to make himself look good.This is what happens I will try to break away and then it feels like I am in a vortex and I can't get out. I have been taking Relaquil for my anxiety but I need to get away from this man. I do not understand how come I keep going back to him. He is unhealthy for me yet when he calls or text I am a mess until I reply. I just want to have peace in my life again. I wish he would move back to the East coast where he came from. One thing that is stupid is that when I am with him I don't feel like this is a stable relationship and I will just lose him again. this brings on my anxiety. When I am not with him I feel like I will be alone forever and get crazy anxiety. This is stupid, I am a very attractive women with a lot of good qualities, my friends are all asking me " why do you have no self confidence" I answer I don't know. Any words of wisdom of how to stay away from a person you know if bad for you but I feel addicted to him for some crazy reason? I am experiencing more anxiety than ever.

[J. Ans]

In the past, I have not been able to stay away from a person I'm addicted to unless I go to some kind of counseling. I read a lot of self help books, and I put the principles into practice. I.e. Codependent No More by Melody Beattie, her series of books. When I was alone, I tried to make my life being alone/living alone, as something not lonely, like I tried to make my place more desirable, like a sanctuary, more comfortable, so I would not reach out to people who are unhealthy for me. I had to look up Relaquil because I had never heard of it before. It looks like it is mostly herbals. Hopefully it is enough to treat your anxiety.

[Anne1221]

YOU HAVE GOT TO STAY AWAY FROM THIS MAN. He is not doing you any good. He doesn't seem to be making you happy, or improving your life, just causing you stress and anxiety. YOU WILL FIND SOMEONE ELSE BETTER! He just doesn't want you to think that.

[Nervous Ninny]

Thanks for the advise, I will check out these books. I agree making my home more desirable is a good idea. Maybe changing things up will help with all the Ghost, of course not real ghost. It is all the memories of raising my four children there, when he moved in two months before my daughter left for college he was a great distraction for this change in my life.Part of me wants to sell my house and move. However, where ever I go there I am, some how I need to just get through this and until I adjust to this new lifestyle. Or have another baby LOL jk .