Under My Rock - The musings of an Anti Social Individual

[needtogetwell]

Hi Dave,

Well the remains of that massive hurricane that slammed Mexico has made its way north and east and it's been cold and very wet for 2 days, not doing any favours for me knees I can tell you.

Thanks for the kind words on the avatar, first selfie that actually looks like me. You will notice the glasses on my head, that I suppose is now my trademark. Can't see a damned thing to read without them! Oh the joys of getting old! Tried those prescription glasses that are kind of like bifocals, can't for the life of me remember the name of them, but I couldn't get the hang of them. I felt like a bloody bobble head doll trying to figure out where to look so I could see. Yup, not for me' .

So today marks 6 weeks without Scott . Where the hell did 42 days go? I have no idea. Today also marks a new phase in my quest to rid myself of many of the things that have been cluttering my life. The giant rubbish bin is being delivered today and will sit on my driveway for a week as a testament to my efforts to rid myself of all that unnecessary clutter that is fogging my mind and spirit. I have already done quite a bit, my garage is full of stuff that needs to go. There is an amazing amount which will be donated, that goes November 3rd, thankfully there is an organization that will pick up the stuff, I just hope their truck is big enough.

I'll keep you posted as to how I get on and the feelings of liberation I encounter. In kind of likening this to your water fast, a way to reset the mind and spirit.

If I get a chance to watch the documentary you posted I will, you know I essentially eat a Paleo diet, so I will be interested to see if any of my thoughts on this change at all. All I do know is I feel better eating this way. But like you said, to each his own. I'm always open to different perspectives.

Ok, I'm getting to the point where autocorrect is going to do strange things to my words since I can no longer see what I'm typing, the joys of using the iPhone all the time.

Be well my friend, and don't forget to give Lisa a hug and a kiss, tell her how important she is to you.

42 days without my love have been an eternal hell.

Cheers!

[Im-Suffering]

Hi Dave,

Well the remains of that massive hurricane that slammed Mexico has made its way north and east and it's been cold and very wet for 2 days, not doing any favours for me knees I can tell you.

Thanks for the kind words on the avatar, first selfie that actually looks like me. You will notice the glasses on my head, that I suppose is now my trademark. Can't see a damned thing to read without them! Oh the joys of getting old! Tried those prescription glasses that are kind of like bifocals, can't for the life of me remember the name of them, but I couldn't get the hang of them. I felt like a bloody bobble head doll trying to figure out where to look so I could see. Yup, not for me' .

So today marks 6 weeks without Scott . Where the hell did 42 days go? I have no idea. Today also marks a new phase in my quest to rid myself of many of the things that have been cluttering my life. The giant rubbish bin is being delivered today and will sit on my driveway for a week as a testament to my efforts to rid myself of all that unnecessary clutter that is fogging my mind and spirit. I have already done quite a bit, my garage is full of stuff that needs to go. There is an amazing amount which will be donated, that goes November 3rd, thankfully there is an organization that will pick up the stuff, I just hope their truck is big enough.

I'll keep you posted as to how I get on and the feelings of liberation I encounter. In kind of likening this to your water fast, a way to reset the mind and spirit.

If I get a chance to watch the documentary you posted I will, you know I essentially eat a Paleo diet, so I will be interested to see if any of my thoughts on this change at all. All I do know is I feel better eating this way. But like you said, to each his own. I'm always open to different perspectives.

Ok, I'm getting to the point where autocorrect is going to do strange things to my words since I can no longer see what I'm typing, the joys of using the iPhone all the time.

Be well my friend, and don't forget to give Lisa a hug and a kiss, tell her how important she is to you.

42 days without my love have been an eternal hell.

Cheers!

Hi sweetheart Good to see you ! (pic)

Keep the hope, and watch for the light (of the way) - through inspiration, stray thoughts that seem to make no sense or fit in with the current frame of mind. Act on some with courage just enough to get your feet wet.

I am doing the same. We are warriors, really. Throughout this often difficult journey. But love, even for short bursts makes it all worth while. Better to love and lost (many times even) than never to have loved at all. Or so I have heard ! I have had much experience with loss, and also the new love that seems to always follow. I do believe in love.

Hi Dave, my brother. Love you man !

[Ponder]

Hey Guys! Great to see you both.

Like wise Brother - don't squeeze too hard. You now how sensitive I am of late. Hope your smiling?

Oh yes, I know Pam. I still have that PDF (TY) ... that's why I put a smiley face when bringing up the kiss of death.

I'm off for a walk - Just posted about my second day into water fasting. Hoping to break through the the third day [tomorrow] into that night and wake up on day 4 still on water.

Will be back later to respond and update then.

Hope you are all resting well.

[Ponder]

Pam I have read it all ... but not in a good place to reply as of yet. I like your perceptions very much. I have nothing but warm wishes for your current situation and admiration for the way in which you so aptly hold your position. I have to say that from my end, your courage and wisdom is very much appreciated.

Thanks for keeping us in the loop. I think I am starting to go the same way re the glasses.

We are thinking of you this day.

[needtogetwell]

Just thought I would share a pic of the dumpster in the driveway. Have had some very freeing catharsis while getting the trash from the garage into the bin. Will elaborate tomorrow.

Thanks Marc for the encouragement.

Dave, will be back at you in the morning....brain is fuzzy now.

[Im-Suffering]

Especially in times of pain and suffering, but generally speaking too -

(there are a number of marc's, the outer who is often afraid, and the inner who is about to write the following post. Its really not channeling after all, is it? Its just me- lol. I think my tenure here has been to realize that me is 'ok', but while I did not like who I was, I used a shield, like channeling or whatever, to describe my inner thoughts)

Its very important to follow intuition or gut feelings, and not reason alone. Reason is the tool for intuition. Say you have a gut feeling to paint, following the hunch which comes out of the blue, reason is then applied "i need to buy a brush and canvas, paint colors". Then when you begin to paint, intuition begins to sketch a dream while reason is used to apply what you may have studied in regard to saturation or blending. So we can see our lives are created by our inner self, using the intellect for practical application in the physical. Reason alone is physically focused and is the lens in which inner self sees the physical, colored by beliefs.

If intuition says 'paint' through a hunch which is always therapeutic, but intellect or ego says 'you cannot do this" or whatever false belief it comes up with, than the magic of life is tempered, and you dont get the benefit of the spiritual worlds knowing in your life.

So in a post yesterday, I said to follow intuition, then listen to the opposition that comes up, in the form of mental conflicts from the ego. The conflict arises to show you what the triggers are, that once healed leads to expression of heaven in the physical. Expression of heaven is simply the unfettered application of the spiritual in the physical world, the manifestation of inner selfs desires using an ego to create that (mental idea) in 3D. By healing the ego, and opening the heart consciously at first (say, over and over, 'My heart is open to receive), ego and inner self work in tandem, and magic is created.

I will keep trying to give you all information I have learned and experienced. As I receive and have received the same from you. TY !

I have found there is an outer Marc, and an inner one. The outer is afraid sometimes, anxious, reluctant, plus more, while the inner is where words like this post come from, a calm stabilizing influence from a world that operates on terms and conditions much different than the physical. Maybe I am the last in line to learn all this, I am a straggler, lol. Its good for me to journal things out in the mornings.

[Im-Suffering]

Pam, you might be asking what all these posts have to do with you, and interestingly enough, they are directed at you.

Love is like money in many ways. It yearns by its very nature to be free. Set free not kept, loosened not tightened, allowed not restricted, even money in the bank that you perceive as 'saved' is indeed spent and turned over, your dollar deposited, will change hands millions of times. So you need to look at the energy of love and money, the 'shared' energy. Give this careful consideration and focus, using your imagination. The 'process' of acquiring (or poverty) love, and money, is identical.

Money is indeed, and I will test your beliefs here, (listen quickly to your first thoughts to discover the false belief), money is the physical equivalent of love energy. Since every emotion is contained within love, love is all there is, so is every emotion contained within money. Your love between Scott and yourself will soon manifest as money, do not hate it, love it, you must understand. It is highly symbolic of safety, security, which are characteristics of love.

I say all of this, because in death, in separation within the physical, love energy cannot be destroyed. This is physics, energy can transmute as in death (the form), but the love energy you take with you, the energy that shapes who you are in proportion to your ability to love, and let go. To the degree one cannot let go, there will always be turmoil within the self, as a trigger to release that which stands in the way of this eternal truth. Love symbolizes spiritual movement on the physical plane and is the fount of creation. People can create through fear and hate remember, because fear and hate are contained within love. hate is the feeling of separation from a loved object, and meant to mediate an agreement, to return to love. Letting love go, as with money (freeing it from limiting beliefs that stop the flow), means both will return to you ten fold.

Love cannot be conditioned, kept under key, stifled, stopped, from its travels, no matter how much you want to keep it. You must allow death and departure, when the soul is ready, because that soul is freeing the both of you, to explore what love truly represents. Which is utter freedom to love and love and love some more. To lament over lost love, which is inherently a false idea, means the self has growth to do, always toward freedom, knowledge, and enlightenment.

There is this purpose to life, to heal carried wounds throughout sojourns, to learn love's lessons, and to find joy in the natural processes of life - death - and renewal.

In the previous post I mentioned how to do this (to find meaning - and spiritual growth), in regard to intuition and its physical tool reason. Through trust in the process ultimately

[needtogetwell]

Hi Dave,
Hi Marc,

It's later in the day than I thought I would respond to yesterday's posts, some element of the universe is conspiring against me that day. Everything that should be easy, ie: phone calls to insurance companies and social security have been much more demanding than I thought. Then, once I got through the phone calls I dropped my spray bottle of vinegar on the floor and it split open, perfect, now the house smells like a pickle but the floor is clean. Ok, I'm looking for a positive in everything.

So yesterday, the exercise of putting that garbage in the bin was really freeing, much of the stuff was reminants of my relationship with my ex husband. I let go if the feeling that I still needed to look out for him. Yup, realized I don't. He's a 55 year old man and needs to look after himself. Much of why I remained in a terrible marriage for 13 ish years was out of a sense of obligation. I always felt sorry for him in some fashion. Well the truth is he has continually played on that. But the feelings are all gone. We split up 9 years ago and it is time for him to stand on his own two feet. I also need the freedom to know that I can explore any future relationships which may come my way.

Scott and I were together for 8 years, but in that time neither of us could have afforded to finalize our respective divorces. With the money coming to me I will have the ability to take my freedom back. No more carrying the ex on my benefits because without me he would have none. No more storing his business equipment in my garage, no more storing his pictures and other memorabilia in my basement. I need to be free.

This I think is one of the wonderful loving gifts that Scott will give me through his insurance. He loves me enough even in death to give me this most precious gift.

So yes, that was my epiphany for yesterday. I think Marc, you will realize that I'm really quite in tuned with what you are saying.

Dave, I hope you are in a better place today, we will catch up soon.

Got to go.
Cheers.

[Im-Suffering]

So now I know too why I wrote those 2 posts this morning.

My ex (still married) emailed and said she needs to talk with me after I was finished posting today. When she arrived she told me "Im going back to australia". Her mom is sick and needs care 87 yr old, but I believe in my heart its more to start a new life from what she calls 'home' without my energy, we live just a few minutes apart. I can reason that, but my fuckin heart is broken yet AGAIN. I said to her "but I may never see you again" and she said, that is a possibility. The lessons are so fierce im starting to think of checking out.

I did meet someone new who I do love a few weeks ago, but fuck if this doesnt spin my heart into chaos. It hurts so much.

Shit

Personal growth is a bitch-it sux ass.

Value the moments, the meaning of each one of them. Give the moment love, give it all you have. For God sake, be present.

[Ponder]

Just thought I would share a pic of the dumpster in the driveway. Have had some very freeing catharsis while getting the trash from the garage into the bin. Will elaborate tomorrow.

Thanks Marc for the encouragement.

Dave, will be back at you in the morning....brain is fuzzy now.

Just quoting because I don't have time to catch up with the other posts. Hi Marc ... I am glad you have been able to find the space to chat with us like so. I fully intend to read more of you and Pam when I get back from the Markets. I have to take things slow today (3day day of my water fast) I feel your sharing like so is as fruitful as Pam's post I quoted above.

Pam - This really pleased me to read like so. Well said.

Will be back ... had to rush this before heading out the door.

Lisa calling out.