Intrusive thoughts & getting through.

[Teafrenzy]

As per the OP,

yes I get some very, very disturbing thoughts. I sometimes feel obsessed that there is someone in the house, in my car back seat, hiding behind doors etc.

Last month, in the midst of my worst panic attacks, I was scared to death because I got these "flashes". I felt extremely nervous during and right after my panic attacks. One time I was walking on a busy sidewalk, just following an intense exercise session (I was also stpuid and ate some candy afterwards). I brushed up to someone beside me and then I "flashed" that I grabbed this person and through him on the sidewalk. The adrenaline was so intense. I thought I was losing my mind. The flash seemed so "real" and almost impossible to deny.

But I have been reading a lot and these disturbing thoughts are very, very common. Anxiety does not lead to Psychosis or Schizophrenia. There's a huge difference between thinking it and actually doing it and your mind will shut it down. Feels awful though.

As they say in Pulp fiction..thinking and doing..not even in the same Ballpark, not even the same F***** sport!

I'm reading DARE and the author says you should embrace these anxious thoughts. Don't fight them. Ask for more. Try to think up even more disturbing thoughts.

[Anxious Abi]

My intrusive thoughts are usually about suicide. This makes it hard to not fear. I know I don't want to do it but I am obsessed with not getting better and getting to that point.

I have discussed these thoughts with my Dr and she doesn't seem concerned but i struggle with the fear that comes with them.

I really wish I could just brush them off. I think I am starting to have less fear but then ill worry that the less fear I have that they might be getting more real. Ugh its so frustrating.

I think that I understand, even the thought of getting to the point where you give up on yourself and everyone else is a scary thing, I would say it is normal to fear it and that may never completely go away. Intrusive thoughts have a way of leaving people so confused, questioning themselves, it is definitely frustrating, I often felt like thoughts were being pushed into my head that weren't my own. I remember feeling relief when I started to feel less fear, but I also couldn't help but think, if I wasn't fighting these thoughts anymore then that meant I was accepting them as my own, as the truth. It took a lot of time, therapy and conversations on here for me to understand a little more and really get past it in my own way.
I would maybe ask what your thoughts on suicide are, like you said, you KNOW that you don't want to do it, and you have reasons for that, think about why you wouldn't want to. Obsessive and intrusive thoughts seem to convince us that we aren't the people we thought we were, but we are, you are.
It is OK to be afraid, you're not alone in your experience and it can get better.

[jones27]

I think that I understand, even the thought of getting to the point where you give up on yourself and everyone else is a scary thing, I would say it is normal to fear it and that may never completely go away. Intrusive thoughts have a way of leaving people so confused, questioning themselves, it is definitely frustrating, I often felt like thoughts were being pushed into my head that weren't my own. I remember feeling relief when I started to feel less fear, but I also couldn't help but think, if I wasn't fighting these thoughts anymore then that meant I was accepting them as my own, as the truth. It took a lot of time, therapy and conversations on here for me to understand a little more and really get past it in my own way.
I would maybe ask what your thoughts on suicide are, like you said, you KNOW that you don't want to do it, and you have reasons for that, think about why you wouldn't want to. Obsessive and intrusive thoughts seem to convince us that we aren't the people we thought we were, but we are, you are.
It is OK to be afraid, you're not alone in your experience and it can get better.

Thanks for replying.

I am in CBT now. I am hoping that will help me with these thoughts. I try to just accept them but its hard.

I think my biggest hold up about suicide is that I don't understand it. I don't know how someone's brain can allow them to do that. I guess I feel like our brains should protect us from doing things like that and scares me that it can do the opposite. I don't understand why people do it so when I feel hopeless I get afraid that my brain is going to make me do it

When the hopeless feel goes I think the thoughts will to. I am just not being patient. I want the medicine and therapy to fix me right now waiting is scary.

[Anxious Abi]

No problem jones27, it is one of the hardest things, it still really helps me to talk to other people about it.

I think it can be really difficult to understand suicide, I think hopelessness is probably a big part of what leads people to that point, but I don't think that your brain can make you do it. Having said that, I still don't really have a grasp on how the brain works, it is frighteningly complex.

It was recommended to me to make a plan for if I ever get to that point, for me it includes trying to relax, writing in my journal, reaching out to family, and details of professionals, among other things. Maybe it could help, maybe not, but I wish you all the best and I hope that CBT is helpful for you, all any of us can do is keep trying.