Welcome to the Anxiety Forum - A Home for Those with Anxiety, Fear, or Panic Attacks.
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  1. #1
    Junior Member
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    Aug 2015
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    i don't know anymore

    i honestly don't know what's going on with me anymore.

    i can't take criticism lightly. they unpleasantly affect me and upset me and i know it's bad. it's like i want to change everything to please others because if i don't please others, i won't be...happy, i guess. it's just that i hate, absolutely hate, people talking negatively of me. if someone, preferably strangers, criticises me for something i generally do, it really gets to me. i can't say my exact reasons but i currently feel very upset and hopeless. i can't deal with people talking about me. i long to stay anonymous but i know it's too late and it bothers me. criticism really gets to me. these 'perfectionist tendencies' are getting to me. a part of me lives in fear and doubt and im always questioning myself. i think i like being alone but when you're alone, your mind is alive and everything comes back to you. when you're with others, you're distracted from your problems. what sucks the most is when you remember your problems when you're with family or friends and you can't do anything but sit there and wallow yourself in so many negative emotions. past memories have slowly been coming back to me. sometimes i feel like a really terrible person who is unworthy of love and happiness. if you haven't read my first post, i have never spoken to a therapist about my problems so i've never been diagnosed with anything. i just don't know anymore. i don't know what to feel. all i know is that i regret absolutely everything and i wish i could start all over from the beginning.

    i feel nauseous and i have a headache, which doesn't really help my case.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    You can't ignore criticism, but you don't have to care about it.... just take it easy you know, obnoxious people's objective is to throw you off, you just have to appear as if you don't care, and they will lose interest and in fact your communication will get easier. Just stand up for yourself, simple as that.... trust me I know how hard that is but things can only get better once you start standing up for yourself, you get respect, if you please others you will only be taken advantage off and never really respected.

  3. #3
    Senior Member
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    Oct 2013
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    Melbourne, Australia
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    One thing you realise as you get older is that everybody is so busy worrying about themselves that they don't notice you half as much as you think. So the goal is to just be happy in your own skin because the only real critic is yourself. People generally only criticise others because they feel bad about THEMSELVES. I'm a massive perfectionist so I completely understand how you feel but I work on being comfortable with myself all the time.

    Cheers,
    Gypsy x
    "You're the worst thing that ever happened to me." --Marla Singer

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Skizo View Post
    You can't ignore criticism, but you don't have to care about it.... just take it easy you know, obnoxious people's objective is to throw you off, you just have to appear as if you don't care, and they will lose interest and in fact your communication will get easier. Just stand up for yourself, simple as that.... trust me I know how hard that is but things can only get better once you start standing up for yourself, you get respect, if you please others you will only be taken advantage off and never really respected.
    what you said is completely true. your advice wasn't equivalent to what im currently going through, but it did help. what im going through is honestly stupid. the thing is, i should understand that not everything i do will be liked by everyone. i think it's just my fear of being judged and my tendency to want to be liked by everyone that really gets to me. thank you for replying.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by gypsylee View Post
    One thing you realise as you get older is that everybody is so busy worrying about themselves that they don't notice you half as much as you think. So the goal is to just be happy in your own skin because the only real critic is yourself. People generally only criticise others because they feel bad about THEMSELVES. I'm a massive perfectionist so I completely understand how you feel but I work on being comfortable with myself all the time.

    Cheers,
    Gypsy x
    what you said about people worried about themselves and not noticing me as much is exactly what my friend told me in the past. i do believe it's true but i guess it doesn't stop me from feeling the way i do. what im going through...im not comfortable saying. it's honestly something people on here wouldn't really think about. and god, being a perfectionist is really horrible. i don't believe in perfection and yet i strive for things to be perfect and in order. thank you for replying!

  6. #6
    Junior Member
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    Aug 2015
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    England
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    I can understand -- my situation is a bit different, I don't care what someone is saying about me behind my back, and I can handle criticism if it is calm and I am calm. What I can't handle is people being "helpful" by telling me what to do. Recently fell out with a friend of a friend over this. I still think she was being unreasonable...but she has some serious issues too. I shouted at her which I should not have done, but I was in a very low state myself. I have since written to her to apologise, but don't know how that went down. The friend she is friends with wants me to get a brain scan!!! because I shouted!!! but she has issues too, she just won't admit it.

    As for perfectionism, I have that too. It's a curse. It has got a bit better recently, but I still have this terrible fear that I will do things "wrong", or do the "wrong" thing first and forget to do the most important thing, etc. That seems to be what my anxiety is all about.

    You say you have never talked to a therapist -- do you think it might be worth trying? Doesn't automatically mean you get a diagnosis, but can help you in other ways. I have a psychotherapist who unfortunately is on holiday right now, but she is a great help. It isn't a magic bullet and doesn't "cure" you, but can help you cope.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by norabab View Post
    I can understand -- my situation is a bit different, I don't care what someone is saying about me behind my back, and I can handle criticism if it is calm and I am calm. What I can't handle is people being "helpful" by telling me what to do. Recently fell out with a friend of a friend over this. I still think she was being unreasonable...but she has some serious issues too. I shouted at her which I should not have done, but I was in a very low state myself. I have since written to her to apologise, but don't know how that went down. The friend she is friends with wants me to get a brain scan!!! because I shouted!!! but she has issues too, she just won't admit it.

    As for perfectionism, I have that too. It's a curse. It has got a bit better recently, but I still have this terrible fear that I will do things "wrong", or do the "wrong" thing first and forget to do the most important thing, etc. That seems to be what my anxiety is all about.

    You say you have never talked to a therapist -- do you think it might be worth trying? Doesn't automatically mean you get a diagnosis, but can help you in other ways. I have a psychotherapist who unfortunately is on holiday right now, but she is a great help. It isn't a magic bullet and doesn't "cure" you, but can help you cope.
    ah that sucks. i don't think it was quite nice of that person to say that you need a brain scan. you're right, i think we all have issues. and my 'perfectionism' tends to fall on the line where i want everything to be perfect. for instance, if i have several inactive accounts from a long time ago, i'd want them erased. i cannot deal with having messy accounts and all. i just want everything to be in order and, well, perfect. no mistakes, no nothing. i don't know if that's what you call perfectionism but it's horrible. it leaves me agitated. i've spoken about it on my first post.

    as for a therapist, i think i might start talking to my school counselor when school starts. i haven't been feeling well lately and it sucks. thank you for replying!

 

 

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