I dont even know how to start but i'll try to make it short. im 17 and my entire life ive hated myself. i always feel like no matter what im doing, im doing it wrong and making myself look like an idiot. I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety around a year ago, and i went through months of cbt and am on meds currently but i dont feel any different. the issue is im so worried that everyone around me will blame me for not being better or not improving my anxiety, so i just pretend im fine although i just want to scream that im not. i freeze up when asked to order food at a restaurant, my heart races when i pass someone on the street or pay for something at the store. i know i cant function like a normal person like this but im just so scared that everyone will be disappointed in me for needing more help. the logic side of my brain tells me im being stupid and irrational, but i just cant "not worry what other people think" I understand that i should be able to disregard what people might think of me, but i just cant do it emotionally.
even now im scared someones going to think im stupid because maybe i screwed up the posting of this. i am so sick of being afraid. what should i do?