Power through or surrender?

[Evelyn Louise Bolton]

My anxiety is triggered by commitment and intimacy. I don't want to bore you all with my whole story so I will try to keep it short.

I can get really excited by something like getting a dog when I was 17, something I wanted my entire childhood, but then the night I got him home I had such a horrible night with anxiety, I just wanted him gone! This happened to me 4 times over the next couple years, I knew it was something I wanted, I could afford it, but as soon as I got it I wanted nothing more than to get out of the situation. Thank fully at 21 I got Romeo, my Chihuahua, he was already toilet trained, very low maintenance and I made my sister stay with me in my room the first night and I got through it. He's now the most important thing in my life.

Two months ago I went through the same thing getting a car, worked out the financial aspect, shopping for insurance, test driving etc all very exciting and fine. However that first weekend of having it I was on a roller-coaster of anxiety, worse than ever. I'm not generally an emotional person, I cried more in that weekend than I had in a long long time. I think it was my mums constantly telling me that 'you can always sell it, and if you make a loss it's not the end of the world' that stopped me from getting rid of it. Now looking back, I can see so clearly how irrational that anxiety was, I love my car and the freedom it gives me.

It also holds me back in dating, not something that has bothered me too much until now. I guess I'm just feeling a little disconnected. I have friends, that I knew if I called I could make plans with etc but there's a certain distance between us. It's my fault it is that way, I have weeks where I hide away from doing anything social. Occasionally psyching myself up to do something and then after I feel like I need a week away from them to recharge. Maybe I've been watching too many movies and TV shows, but I'm craving a connection with someone. I recently visited my cousin in London, she lives with these two guys and they have such a close friendship, it really does look like something out of 'Friends' or 'HIMYM'.

That's what I want in my life, people I'm close with that I can count on and that can count on me. I don't know how to create this with my existing friends or how to establish new friendships. I'm just so terrible at making myself vulnerable with people, the couple times I've opened up I have avoided them after for week or so. I guess subconsciously re-establishing boundaries? I want to change this though, I want to power through like I did with my car.

Does anyone have any help for me on this?

I just wanted to get it written down, it helps me to understand it myself, and maybe someone else has similar problems?

[NixonRulz]

Hi, Evelyn. I like writing your name. Evelyn. It seems fitting for a UK lady

Whether people have had similar experiences or not, which I and many others have had as well, it is solely about changing your thoughts and beliefs.

It isn't about the car or pooch, or friends or a boyfriend. It's all about anxiety

If it wasn't those things, it would be something else since your own beliefs about yourself would create some type of turmoil

Learn and truly understand what anxiety is and how it affects you physically and mentally. That way you will understand when it is your anxiety leading the way or it is what your rational mind sees clearly

Treat the anxiety itself. All of the nuances and tricks anxiety plays lessen until eliminated when you understand how your anxiety is trying to convince you to treat irrational thoughts as reality. You won't react to irrational thoughts when you realize that is not your reality

One thing I will say about you and your desire to have a group of friends like others you know. You have been here just briefly and in a short time people have grown to like you. You have a certain charm about you that I believe people connect with

Because you are not concerned how a bunch of strangers with anxiety see you, you have no worries and it allows you to be yourself so you have ultimately created some new friendships

I'm quite certain most people in the UK would be fortunate to call you a good friend.

In the States, not so much. Everyone here seems so fu*kin rude all of the time

[Evelyn Louise Bolton]

Hi, Evelyn. I like writing your name. Evelyn. It seems fitting for a UK lady

Whether people have had similar experiences or not, which I and many others have had as well, it is solely about changing your thoughts and beliefs.

It isn't about the car or pooch, or friends or a boyfriend. It's all about anxiety

If it wasn't those things, it would be something else since your own beliefs about yourself would create some type of turmoil

Learn and truly understand what anxiety is and how it affects you physically and mentally. That way you will understand when it is your anxiety leading the way or it is what your rational mind sees clearly

Treat the anxiety itself. All of the nuances and tricks anxiety plays lessen until eliminated when you understand how your anxiety is trying to convince you to treat irrational thoughts as reality. You won't react to irrational thoughts when you realize that is not your reality

One thing I will say about you and your desire to have a group of friends like others you know. You have been here just briefly and in a short time people have grown to like you. You have a certain charm about you that I believe people connect with

Because you are not concerned how a bunch of strangers with anxiety see you, you have no worries and it allows you to be yourself so you have ultimately created some new friendships

I'm quite certain most people in the UK would be fortunate to call you a good friend.

In the States, not so much. Everyone here seems so fu*kin rude all of the time

Thank you so much! I don't know about charm haha but I do hope I'll be able to establish some real friendships on here. Really?! I've always loved America, daydream about living in Colorado one day... but again, maybe I just watch too many movies :P