Well, I tried it for the first time last night. I did notice quite the difference this morning. I felt better about myself. I did not criticise or feel bad about being me (which I often do).
I do think there is a long road ahead, so I will keep doing it until that epiphany comes Also, it worked great to get to sleep. Where I usually get plagued by those flashbacks, I could bend them by immersing my older self into them and protecting my young self if that makes any sense
Agoraphobia is like any other phobia really in that you have to expose yourself to the fear. If the fear is having a panic attack in public, then you have to force yourself to go out in public. I wrote a detailed thing somewhere here about what I do when I can't leave the house (I'll try and remember where) basically involving gradual exposure to being in public. Then after a while I find I don't even think about it much. It does come back though if I stay at home for too long, so I always make myself go out, even if it's just to the supermarket to buy milk.
"You're the worst thing that ever happened to me." --Marla Singer
Here's what I wrote about it:
"My whole thing is social phobia. I guess the key to phobias is exposure, which basically means you desensitise yourself to whatever it is by facing it. So with social phobia it means being around people no matter how anxious about it you feel. I've gone through times where I find it terrifying to leave the house, but I didn't have anyone else who could get me things, so I had no choice (which is a good thing). What I'd do is wait until it got dark (because I feel less freaked out at night and there are less people around) and drive to the supermarket. I'd even go specifically to the supermarkets with self checkouts. That would be the extent of my "social life" and I'd make myself do it even if I didn't really need anything because if I missed a trip to the supermarket it'd be worse the next day. Then I'd go to say a shopping mall on days I was feeling strong enough. Sometimes I'd just sit outside and smoke a cigarette and look at people and notice how they pay no attention to me whatsoever (because the whole thing with social anxiety is being self-conscious and thinking you will embarrass yourself somehow).
I don't think I'll ever be completely over this phobia but yeah that's how I deal with it when its bad. I also have a phobia of spiders (I live in Australia so we have big ass spiders who get inside your house and car). That phobia is a whole different ballgame and I have strategies like spraying citrus oil in my car and checking under the sun visors before I drive off lol."
"You're the worst thing that ever happened to me." --Marla Singer
It's a little comforting to know that I'm not the only one going through it. Just like you, I also feel a lot more comfortable at night.
I tend to stay in more and avoid going out, given the fear I experience when I do go out. But you are absolutely right, if you stop going out at one point, it does get worse again. I noticed after a week of holiday, constantly going out, my agoraphobia went from a 9/10 to a 2/10. Also during the holiday, we tend to go with public transport, which is not my idea of a safe place. I do realise it is all in my head and that it eventually will pass. I'm going on holiday again in three weeks, so I will grin and bear the anxiety until it dies down
Oh and a fear of spiders I can totally understand when you live in Australia You have some big ass spiders over there
Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I really appreciate it.
You're welcome
"You're the worst thing that ever happened to me." --Marla Singer